Fuck everyone

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Mental health is one thing. Yeah if it sucks, it sucks. But what about people with invisible illness? Shit, I always had depression, but I never wanted to actually off myself before I came down with an invisible illness. You think my family has any idea what I go through? Nope. Zero. Nothing. They talk like I can go anywhere, do anything, study, get a job, take vacations. Absolutely unreal, the sheer disconnect between my day to day and what those around me think I can do.

For context, my older brother has three properties and is a college professor. I'm a disabled freak with no life and a part time Uber gig, otherwise supported by my father. When he goes, the vast majority of my income does too, not like I even want to live off my dad at 38 years old. To hell with that shit.

Having an invisible illness means of course you don't qualify for anything resembling disability. I won't get a dime from anyone. Once my father dies, I do too. That's it. I have run up $30k worth of medical debt trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Absolutely nothing shows on any test. Can you even believe it? Fuck. Although fuck is putting it mildly. If I had the gumption I would blow my brains out right here, right now.

Fuck. I am drunk again. I don't even give a shit. Nobody knows what it is like to be me. This is why I must die.

 

[whatevs]

Nobody knows what it is like to be me. This is why I must die.

Actually, no, a few freaks and semi-complete losers crippled by chronic illnesses like myself know exactly what you go through. Though of course, that some fuck ups in a suicide forum can empathize with you doesn't qualify for a substitution of having your family empathizing, or just enjoying a healthy, able body that lets you prosper instead of limp.

We're fucked. Drink one glass to that, brother. There are bad days and worse days. Let's hope we only get the bad ones. So we can continue existing, not living, but neither compelled enough to kill ourselves. What a prospect. What a glorious prospect.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful. I'm sorry that you have to endure that. It is horrifying how so many health conditions even exist. This life is just so unfair. I hope you find relief from your suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Actually, no, a few freaks and semi-complete losers crippled by chronic illnesses like myself know exactly what you go through. Though of course, that some fuck ups in a suicide forum can empathize with you doesn't qualify for a substitution of having your family empathizing, or just enjoying a healthy, able body that lets you prosper instead of limp.

We're fucked. Drink one glass to that, brother. There are bad days and worse days. Let's hope we only get the bad ones. So we can continue existing, not living, but neither compelled enough to kill ourselves. What a prospect. What a glorious prospect.

I live with my girlfriend, and she can be a huge... well, let me not say bitch. She calls all the shots because she makes $6k a month. I exist on her and my father's combined meager charity. I feel like crying all the time. I am so fucking stuck bro and like literally nobody cares. I live in a glass jar of inaction and inertia. My gf gets to lord over me which she really does. When I complained about it on here I got called an incel and a woman hater, but I am far from it, and can't afford to live on my own so I am forced to combine resources with somebody else. Can you even fucking believe it? I am horrified at my own life.

Long story short, people don't want to believe my circumstances can exist, but they do. They really do. I can't afford to be independent under any circumstances.

Ostensibly I am a tall, decent looking dude on the outside. But I have constant derealization, chronic fatigue, brain fog, twitches and more. The link in my sig will explain all about it. And for reference, I was a member of an online community dealing with depersonalization/derealization for many years.

I just wanna fucking off myself right here right now.

 

[whatevs]

I live with my girlfriend, and she can be a huge... well, let me not say bitch. She calls all the shots because she makes $6k a month. I exist on her and my father's combined meager charity. I feel like crying all the time. I am so fucking stuck bro and like literally nobody cares. I live in a glass jar of inaction and inertia. My gf gets to lord over me which she really does. When I complained about it on here I got called an incel and a woman hater, but I am far from it, and can't afford to live on my own so I am forced to combine resources with somebody else. Can you even fucking believe it? I am horrified at my own life.

Long story short, people don't want to believe my circumstances can exist, but they do. They really do. I can't afford to be independent under any circumstances.

Ostensibly I am a tall, decent looking dude on the outside. But I have constant derealization, chronic fatigue, brain fog, twitches and more. The link in my sig will explain all about it. And for reference, I was a member of an online community dealing with depersonalization/derealization for many years.

I just wanna fucking off myself right here right now.

Sounds like hell, but probably you would be dead by now without the 'charity' and these people caring about you in some capacity. Being alone while ill would be a layer down in the pits of Hell. The thing with chronic, disabling illness is that it produces a kind of discomfort that can't really be escaped: we all have to live with ourselves.

I used to be this literary prospect but then I realized: shit, I'm fucking miserable! I don't want to be Osamu Dazai, or Lautreamont. These guys were fucking losers. It's all about how you feel. They felt horrible, so they caught the bus. If you are mentally and physically impeded your life isn't worth it. If I can't have health it doesn't really matter if I'm a good programmer or an exquisite writer (and I wouldn't ever be neither of these probably, lol).

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I live with my girlfriend, and she can be a huge... well, let me not say bitch. She calls all the shots because she makes $6k a month. I exist on her and my father's combined meager charity. I feel like crying all the time. I am so fucking stuck bro and like literally nobody cares. I live in a glass jar of inaction and inertia. My gf gets to lord over me which she really does. When I complained about it on here I got called an incel and a woman hater, but I am far from it, and can't afford to live on my own so I am forced to combine resources with somebody else. Can you even fucking believe it? I am horrified at my own life.

Long story short, people don't want to believe my circumstances can exist, but they do. They really do. I can't afford to be independent under any circumstances.

Ostensibly I am a tall, decent looking dude on the outside. But I have constant derealization, chronic fatigue, brain fog, twitches and more. The link in my sig will explain all about it. And for reference, I was a member of an online community dealing with depersonalization/derealization for many years.

I just wanna fucking off myself right here right now.

It doesn't make you a woman hater in the slightest to loathe the position you're in. People really won't understand it until they find themselves at the mercy of others, who can yank any stability from under your feet with the snap of their fingers, and will face no backlash for it because, "i DoNt OwE yOu aNyThInG"

Any support for people with invisible illnesses is woefully inadequate, of course the armchair experts online and irl think it's a walk in the park full of sunshine and daisies and we simply lack perspective and discipline, because god forbid you believe an illness can be life ruining if it doesn't outright kill you.

I also have my own lord ruling over me who is eventually going to get fed up and boot me out for real. If you ever need to vent or blow off steam, feel free to shoot me a message. I get what you're going through, I basically have one more chance to try and force myself into employment, and if I'm too ill to maintain it, it's time for the bus.

It's all a bloody Kafkaesque joke that you can be dying on the inside and struggling to function everyday and the absurd beuocratic ruling system decides that it must not be real because they can't find a biomarker yet.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Mental health is one thing. Yeah if it sucks, it sucks. But what about people with invisible illness? Shit, I always had depression, but I never wanted to actually off myself before I came down with an invisible illness. You think my family has any idea what I go through? Nope. Zero. Nothing. They talk like I can go anywhere, do anything, study, get a job, take vacations. Absolutely unreal, the sheer disconnect between my day to day and what those around me think I can do.

For context, my older brother has three properties and is a college professor. I'm a disabled freak with no life and a part time Uber gig, otherwise supported by my father. When he goes, the vast majority of my income does too, not like I even want to live off my dad at 38 years old. To hell with that shit.

Having an invisible illness means of course you don't qualify for anything resembling disability. I won't get a dime from anyone. Once my father dies, I do too. That's it. I have run up $30k worth of medical debt trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Absolutely nothing shows on any test. Can you even believe it? Fuck. Although fuck is putting it mildly. If I had the gumption I would blow my brains out right here, right now.

Fuck. I am drunk again. I don't even give a shit. Nobody knows what it is like to be me. This is why I must die.

I know what u mean by invisible illness. I've had life long struggles with what seems like some type of autism but mild enough to still work a menial job. I'm not high enough functioning to succeed in life though. I have suspicions on what happened to me but I don't know for sure.

 

[chocolatebar]

Mental health is one thing. Yeah if it sucks, it sucks. But what about people with invisible illness? Shit, I always had depression, but I never wanted to actually off myself before I came down with an invisible illness. You think my family has any idea what I go through? Nope. Zero. Nothing. They talk like I can go anywhere, do anything, study, get a job, take vacations. Absolutely unreal, the sheer disconnect between my day to day and what those around me think I can do.

For context, my older brother has three properties and is a college professor. I'm a disabled freak with no life and a part time Uber gig, otherwise supported by my father. When he goes, the vast majority of my income does too, not like I even want to live off my dad at 38 years old. To hell with that shit.

Having an invisible illness means of course you don't qualify for anything resembling disability. I won't get a dime from anyone. Once my father dies, I do too. That's it. I have run up $30k worth of medical debt trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Absolutely nothing shows on any test. Can you even believe it? Fuck. Although fuck is putting it mildly. If I had the gumption I would blow my brains out right here, right now.

Fuck. I am drunk again. I don't even give a shit. Nobody knows what it is like to be me. This is why I must die.

I understand you very well. I'm so tired of people pretending that my life was good, when no one would be willing to be in my place. My family even dare to tell me that I was a happy kid. I don't remember much from back then, but that I can remember very well. They even distort the past in order to fit their narratives.

when they tell me that I can do anything, that I'm still "young" and so on... I only get filled with rage.

I show them my linkedin profile with more than 300 candidatures, but still unemployed, and they will tell me things like "oh, but this is the way things are. You have to keep trying". I tell them about other things I'm ashamed of talking about even here and they will say similar things. The level of falsity and hypocrisy it takes for someone to tell e things like that makes me want to explode.

In the end, who cares about us? Just some people in the interned, who probably will never know us in real life

 

[Brianiskillingme]

Well lets see.......I have Crohns disease, Menieres disease, depression, anxiety, and borderline. I am on 5 antidepressants. My mouth is dry as a desert from all those meds. My joints ache from my Crohns meds. I am going deaf in my left ear from Menieres. I have little social life due to my Crohns being so unpredictable. My boyfriend is iffy........trust issues on MY part. My family is all dead, including my husband. So fuck life...........the only thing that keeps me here is not being able to find N.

 

[rationaltake]

I don't even have a life. Or a personality. Not now.

Major mental health conditions. I get what it's like to be totally divorced from ordinary life. Like the world is on the other side of an invisible barrier.

I'm mainly in bed. Telling me to even read or watch TV is laughable.

I have really got to go. I have SN but like others on here would really prefer N.

Too demoralised to type any more.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Thanks everyone, for putting your thoughts and feelings out there. I was really wasted and upset yesterday, I'd been drinking wine the entire day. I'm laying off the sauce for a while now though since it doesn't agree with me lately. I'm a bit embarrassed about this thread although clearly the underlying feelings still hold true.

 

[rationaltake]

Thanks everyone, for putting your thoughts and feelings out there. I was really wasted and upset yesterday, I'd been drinking wine the entire day. I'm laying off the sauce for a while now though since it doesn't agree with me lately. I'm a bit embarrassed about this thread although clearly the underlying feelings still hold true.

There are worse threads than this one!

 

[Superdeterminist]

"Fuck Everyone"

Heh...I like that.

 

[rationaltake]

"Fuck Everyone"

Heh...I like that.

Could be our motto

 

[Eris666]

have you ever researched into adrenal fatigue and hypothyroid?
im asking because i have both and the same symptoms you experience
do you also experience cognitive impairments like short term mermory, information processing, coordination problems?

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

"Fuck Everyone"

Heh...I like that.

Me 2

 

[Marine]

Mental health is one thing. Yeah if it sucks, it sucks. But what about people with invisible illness? Shit, I always had depression, but I never wanted to actually off myself before I came down with an invisible illness. You think my family has any idea what I go through? Nope. Zero. Nothing. They talk like I can go anywhere, do anything, study, get a job, take vacations. Absolutely unreal, the sheer disconnect between my day to day and what those around me think I can do.

For context, my older brother has three properties and is a college professor. I'm a disabled freak with no life and a part time Uber gig, otherwise supported by my father. When he goes, the vast majority of my income does too, not like I even want to live off my dad at 38 years old. To hell with that shit.

Having an invisible illness means of course you don't qualify for anything resembling disability. I won't get a dime from anyone. Once my father dies, I do too. That's it. I have run up $30k worth of medical debt trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Absolutely nothing shows on any test. Can you even believe it? Fuck. Although fuck is putting it mildly. If I had the gumption I would blow my brains out right here, right now.

Fuck. I am drunk again. I don't even give a shit. Nobody knows what it is like to be me. This is why I must die.

Depression qualifies for disability, anything disabling really, visible or not. But depression is a no brainer, have you asked a doctor about that ? Though I have the problem of needing a garantor for an apartment because no one rents anything to someone on disability benefits (even though it doesnt make any sense since it's enough to pay the rent) so if I don't find a stable job eventually or move in with a significant other I'm also at risk of dying for that reason, couldn't survive homeless.

 

[whatevs]

have you ever researched into adrenal fatigue and hypothyroid?
im asking because i have both and the same symptoms you experience
do you also experience cognitive impairments like short term mermory, information processing, coordination problems?

I tried loads of supplements and diets for adrenal fatigue. In my opinion it's an invention. The problem lies elsewhere, probably in the nervous system.

Thyroid problems seem more legit, but I couldn't find anything wrong with me in that regard either.