Venting Frustrated.

[starrchaoz]

This is just me rambling and whining honestly, feel free to ignore, I just have no one in my life I can talk to and I just need to get this off my chest. I'm so frustrated. I need to die, I want to die. No one truly cares for me, I know everyone around me is sick of me, especially my friends as they don't ever text anymore, it's always me that has to reach out first to hold a conversation, and now that I've stopped texting them, they've all left. There's nothing for me here and I'm never going to get anywhere, I'm not talented at anything nor am I smart, and not to mention I have a awful personality, I'll be doing everyone around me and the entire world a favor if I die. I could never picture a future for myself, even before I started having actual thoughts of suicide, I just could never envision myself living long. Everything hurts so, so much, I've been here for too long and I'm so desperate for a way out but no matter what I do I can't find fucking anything that works. I can't find a source for any chemicals such as SN or cyanide because I live in the US, and I need to figure out what method I'm using to CTB ASAP because I'm leaving in March, I want everything prepared by February. I have nowhere near me that's high enough for me to jump, I'm not 21 yet so I can't buy a gun, and I don't know where I could get drugs to try and OD on. I didn't want to use hanging as my method, it was my last resort, but I almost feel like it's my only option at this point. I have to do either partial or NN, but I can't find the carotid artery to make myself black out no matter how hard I try. It's like the world wants me to just continue to suffer, it's so cruel how hard it is to die. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, I just want to cry because it's all so frustrating and upsetting but I can't seem to shed any tears. I hope I can figure out something soon, some sort of source or I can get NN to work or something, because I need to be gone soon, I can't do this anymore. Anyways, sorry for my long ramble, thank you for taking the time to read it if you did.

 

[pole]

I don't have anything to add.

but, I want to say that I'm sorry you're suffering and in so much pain. I can relate on multiple levels.

I hope you find peace.

 

[SoulCage]

I read you and I can hear hear your frustrations.

I am sorry I can't do much more, I would be an awful friend, because I am scared of making mistakes and therefore shut myself in.

Only thing that I can say is that I hope you will find a solution that will end your suffering.

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much and I hate that there's no easy way to just stop existing. I'm in a similar situation, I'm so done with everything and have limited resources cus the UK absolutely sucks. I'm attempting to ctb with partial, so if you need any advice (idk if I'll be much help but I'm happy to try) or if you just need to vent you can always pm me. I hope you find peace <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I also feel trapped here because of how suicide is so inaccessible and I get that its dreadful feeling trapped in this existence, it certainly is so horrible and cruel how we cannot just have the option to die in peace. I'd see it as relieving and compassionate to allow people the option of a peaceful and guaranteed exit, we shouldn't have to struggle so much to leave this existence. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find the freedom you search for.