Frustrated With The Lack of Psychological Resources

[KafkaF]

I'm just frustrated in general with the lack of resources that seem to exist with coming to terms with CTB.

Sure, there's stuff out of there about coming to terms with death in general (most of it that I've read is bad) but so little about CTB specifically.

The thing is, yes, it's also death. However, it's still different because you actually have to take the actions yourself. It's a decision you yourself make. And that makes it fundamentally different psychologically, at least I think so.

It's just something I'm having a really hard time with and whenever I try to look for some, I can't find much. Like on Youtube when you look this sort of thing up you basically just get hundreds of videos trying to talk you out of it. But that's not what I want. I can't be talked out of it. I just want to know how to come to terms with doing it.

I've been getting better about it. I've already come to terms with it far more than I had a month ago. But those last embers of doubt still linger in me. This is a permanent decision that I cannot undo. A big decision. Probably the biggest or at least one of the biggest decisions I'll ever make.

I'd almost say "I don't want to do it rashly" but that's not even it. Because I've been carefully considering this on and off for a decade. And more recently seriously and carefully considering it for two months. You know, I KNOW that it's not a rash decision and that it's the right decision for me. But I don't know how I can get passed that final hump of actually doing it because I'm still hesitating.

 

[Forever Sleep]

That's kind of predictable in a pro-life society. Suicide is absolutely what they want to prevent so- at every turn, they're going to make it difficult. Producing some sort of helpful emotional guide would be akin to endorsing it. The only place I imagine you might find resources are places that do legally allow it- assisted suicide clinics. But- they will likely only help if you meet their very narrow criteria- usually people with terminal illness with no feasible alternative to live a reasonable standard of life. Plus- they want money to do it! Maybe countries where assisted suicide is legalised would produce more resources. But yeah- the mainstream doesn't even want you considering this so- they aren't going to help you at all.

 

[doomedtolive]

i dunno. i feel like that too. like i want some sort of "closure" feeling about it all, wanting to ctb just feels sporadic and impulsive even tho ive been planning it forever.

is it like, the pain you're scared of? coming to terms with the fact life will just end.?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand but sadly we exist in such a pro-suffering society where the focus is making sure that people are enslaved in this existence for as long as possible. Many humans truly do lack any compassion, I hate how everything is so anti-suicide even know we aren't even obligated to continue existing, we all have our right to die.

 

[callme]

Would you research on here? It looks like your doubts before going through are probably what SI (survival instint) is. Many discussions on here about it. There will probably be some general advice that will be useful.

You could get some literature from the resources section. Some books are focused on providing just what you are looking for, a real useful thing especially since some of them aren't available anywhere else or out of print.