Venting Frustrated And Alone

[thislife77]

I am so frustrated and alone. My friends and family have lost complete interest in me as a human being and that is both heartbreaking and kinda nice at the same time. In one sense, I get to be alone and completely unbothered, but on the other hand I feel so unloved and like a worthless entity. I am also very frustrated that no therapist truly understands me and that I cannot open up to anybody. I feel like an alien from a far away universe, but it's not a pleasant experience. I don't enjoy being in my body as it is ridden with pain, discomfort, and lack of relaxation. I cannot bear to hear myself think anymore as it is constant worry, fear and dread. The mind is truly a hellish place to be. I feel like the hardest part of the day is being completely alone in my thoughts as I am trying to go to sleep. It is truly scary. The darkness and lack of any good feelings. I feel like I am suffocated by my own mind. I feel trapped and like there's no sense of ease, aliveness, or lightness to my experience... Wondering if anyone can relate at all or perhaps give me some advice. I feel like this is my only safe space and generally people are very kind and understanding here.

 

[voc_89]

Your message resounds strongly with me. I feel the same... with alot of what u indicated. For me.... i try to 'escape' through video games, tv series/movies, anime, manga, women (lol i wouldn't advise though... i prob messed up these women as I also was messed up), etc. All i can advise is finding an escape that keeps u at bay till your purpose for being goes away (in my case family).

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand that it's so torturous feeling trapped in this existence, consciousness really is a curse to me, it's such a terrible burden to have the ability to exist. But anyway best wishes.

 

[tiger b]

I feel for you.

I say this tentatively, as you mention advice: You are going through a lot. You are alone, yes, but you are not alone. Your perception on that is yours to control, as much as you can, and how you use it will dictate the direction you take.

You talk of the mind as being a hellish place to be. Can you step out of your thoughts for a bit? Maybe increase time not thinking at certain times if that's helpful? Especially around bedtime (though that can be very tricky). I find it's not always about what the mind thinks, it's when it does it, and sometimes it needs to be told to take a break. Meditation is not for everyone, but it might be for you, if your mind needs a fire break. If.

Taoist writing: Even the muddiest water, when left to stand, will clear in time.

Beat wishes.