Iv been struggling to find a way to tell my story to you all and figured I might just start with a hello instead. Hi, I'm COP2CON. I am between 35 and 40, a male, and located at a maximum security facility with the department of corrections in my state. I have to be vague about my info because I am using a contraband device with contraband WiFi to access the internet. It could net me 5 more years which I don't care about but I would be severely beaten if I was found out. I'm in a very bad prison in a very bad state to be in prison. I'm serving a life sentence with the possibility of parole for murder. In my state , that is actually life without parole as they release pretty much nobody in my position. I was a cop for some years and was active duty upon my arrest. No, I did not shoot a person of color before anyone asks.....its always the first question. I became a cop to help people and was a favorite in my communities. I was nice and fair and tried to let everyone go and just overall the exact cop you would want to meet. I had no complaints and the state couldn't even find anyone I dealt with who had something bad to say about me. I saw things people should never see, felt things that shouldn't be felt, I have more nightmare fuel. I am not ready to talk about what let me here but it was a series of bad decisions followed by a tragic accident.
I found this forum and wanted to do some research as my life is beyond salvageable. I figured while I'm here maybe I can say some of the things that people never said to me and maybe give someone that little bit of niceness and understanding they need. I respect everyones decision but want nobody to "CTB". I know that makes me hypocritical as I'm looking to leave but take it from me, I would give anything for the opportunity to look for a real friend or just generally someone who loves me. I used to cut and attempted to OD once on like 30000mg of mood stabilizers ( I know I was dumb). I have been hospitalized twice at mental hospitals and have struggled daily and nearly ever minute of my life with suicide since I was 10 years old. I know what many of you are feeling and just know I wish I could comfort you all and that I'm sorry for your pain. I will write more detailed stuff later but this is good for now. Also, I can only get on for a certain amount every day before things have to be hid from the CO's so I may not be able to respond. Future plans are to give an educational look at what happens after you die from a law enforcement perspective in the US atleast and purging myself of some of this awfulness as well as researching the few methods available to me. Anyways, hello and I look forward to maybe helping some of you.
I found this forum and wanted to do some research as my life is beyond salvageable. I figured while I'm here maybe I can say some of the things that people never said to me and maybe give someone that little bit of niceness and understanding they need. I respect everyones decision but want nobody to "CTB". I know that makes me hypocritical as I'm looking to leave but take it from me, I would give anything for the opportunity to look for a real friend or just generally someone who loves me. I used to cut and attempted to OD once on like 30000mg of mood stabilizers ( I know I was dumb). I have been hospitalized twice at mental hospitals and have struggled daily and nearly ever minute of my life with suicide since I was 10 years old. I know what many of you are feeling and just know I wish I could comfort you all and that I'm sorry for your pain. I will write more detailed stuff later but this is good for now. Also, I can only get on for a certain amount every day before things have to be hid from the CO's so I may not be able to respond. Future plans are to give an educational look at what happens after you die from a law enforcement perspective in the US atleast and purging myself of some of this awfulness as well as researching the few methods available to me. Anyways, hello and I look forward to maybe helping some of you.
