Frantically venting for the upteenth time

[Nolan96]

I'm finding it hard to think about literally anything but killing myself. Another one of those days where I can't get out of bed. Any time I try to tackle a task I feel like battery acid is slowly seeping into my blood and I'm just a lethargic sickly low-power automoton. So I cover the bases just enough to carry on but not enough to stop my whole life and all my hopes for it from crumbling away. I just want to die and discover this whole awful world was an illusion that dies with me. I guess something along those lines has been preached by a number of religious groups catering to the despairing, although I don't actually buy into it. I'm so sick of trying to be a good, functional person and it just never being fucking enough. Sometimes I feel like a baby who's free to roam around outside the crib but always ends up back in there after I manage to get myself hurt, and I can't go on much longer like this. Why does nothing ever just give way? Why is everything such an impassable miserable hassle? I don't have any existential construct justifying suicide, I have no ideological window dressing for my suicidality, I know my suicide would be a shit thing, I'm just at the end of my tether and deeply unhappy.

 

[BBBB]

This is the place to vent. Vent all you want!!
I feel the same as you; as I'm sure most of us do! Every second is torture! :-(

 

[Forever Sleep]

Not much comfort I know but I love your language. You describe your feelings so eloquently. I feel the same as you- for what it's worth... Not so much a current dreadful situation, more a profound dissatisfaction with life. So much I should be doing but I don't have the motivation to do any of it. Life just feels like a never ending sequence of things I don't want to do! There are still things I enjoy but overall, it's just not worth it for me.