Venting Found out today that my favorite Vtuber was terminated.

[Veraz]

I hesitated to make this post because I'm fully aware how pathetic it's going to make me sound. Well, I guess I kind of am pathetic lol, but still... I was having a really good time lately, getting out of the house more and the past week or so had seen a vast improvement in my mood. Today though I was feeling a little down for no real reason, so I thought "Oh yeah, it's Wednesday morning... my favorite Vtuber usually does her karaoke streams today, I'll go see what she is singing this time..." only to type her name into Youtube and discover that apparently... she got terminated from her agency a month ago.

I don't really know how to explain all of the torrent of complex emotions going through my head when I found out her channel is just... gone. All of those memories, every video, every livestream, the community she built... all of it is just gone. Forever.

Even now it doesn't feel real. I keep finding myself doubting that it's not just some kind of bad dream or something. I always tuned into her streams when I was feeling down, and her naturally upbeat attitude and phenomenal singing voice got me through some really hard times in my life. I guess I hadn't realized it had turned into a sort of parasocial relationship until she was gone.

It hurts a lot. I'm worried all of the progress I have made lately is going to relapse completely. I feel worse today than I have all week. I've been fortunate enough to never experience grief in my life before this point... but I imagine this must be what it feels like. I feel ashamed that losing a connection (that wasn't even real) to a person I had never actually met could make me feel this way... but I can't pretend like it doesn't. Let this be a reminder to anyone reading this, that parasocial relationships are a dangerous thing, and can happen even without you realizing it.

 

[Sulyya]

The last sentence there is so important. I think you can continue with your recovery if you keep doing the other things you were working like getting out sometimes. Is the person continuing to do something else, have they indicated anything on social media?

It's not strange that something that might feel like it ought to be trivial can cause hurt. It's a shame that it's possible, it will happen.

 

[Veraz]

The last sentence there is so important. I think you can continue with your recovery if you keep doing the other things you were working like getting out sometimes. Is the person continuing to do something else, have they indicated anything on social media?

It's not strange that something that might feel like it ought to be trivial can cause hurt. It's a shame that it's possible, it will happen.

Nah, Vtubing is a little bit different from being a standard Youtuber. An agency holds the copyright to that persons entire online persona, and all of the content they make gets deleted when they are fired or retire. Legally speaking, they can't even go on to make a new channel under the same name or persona.

And hopefully, maybe time will heal this, I don't really know. It just feels like my escape has been crushed.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't think it's pathetic. It sounds like her channel was important to you and a steady source of comfort. Just like with any grief the direct aftermath is when your feelings are going to be their rawest. But that doesn't necessarily mean they will always be that way.

 

[FuneralCry]

The reality is that nothing ever lasts in this life, it's just the way that life is and it's true that the removal of something that is seen as being positive just inevitably leads to more suffering. Life certainly is very disappointing after all, and I do believe if someone has something they look forward to it will be ruined, taken away or they will just lose interest in it. Life just too cruel and it must be so painful what you have to go through.

 

[sorrowed_ender]

awh hey man sorry to hear, I totally get it. I used to watch Pikamee alot back in the day but there were some drama related things going on and by the end of the month she's gonna be terminated, which broke my heart a bit when I heard. It was over her being harassed cus she mentioned playing a game with some issues behind it and she ended up not playing it anyways, yet she was still getting harassed and shit, and its a really bad situation. I hope youll be okay, I understand the feeling of some sort of grief

 

[resolutory]

parasocial relationships are a dangerous thing, and can happen even without you realizing it.

Yeah, I've experienced this many times lol. Usually ends in sadness and anger. Even now I'm somewhat addicted to Twitch... never even watched it before just over a year ago, but I've spent so much time on it now it's ridiculous. And some of them I get so invested in. It always ends in sadness and anger if I let myself get sucked in too much.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

Heya OP. I feel you. Yesterday my favorite vtuber announced her graduation. It's such a difficult mix of feels. Thanks for posting this thread. I actually came to SaSu today to see if anyone else posted about this. Thanks for making me feel a little less alone in the experience.