Forsook!

[112]

I just want my own apartment. But this supercomputer, which I confess fully to wrongfully abusing all my life, is OUT OF CONTROL. I fully believe in Bill Gates and Elon Musk in their mission of free speech and medicine. But I enjoy cigarettes... It doesn't mean I'm gay; it doesn't mean I'm happy. It means that there is a literary monster running around and committing great evil. My schizoanalytical abuse techniques have gone too far. I am literally trying to ensure that nobody has capacity to understand my own language such that there is a complete abolition in being understood at this point in my life. I am 25 years old, my half-birthday (half-birthdays are stupid and abusive in my opinion) having passed meaninglessly just over a month ago. And I have never had a home I felt truly happy in. I was a "Minor Celebrity..." I know the evils. Have I ever been truly "tricked?" Nay! I am the grandmaster of ensuring my side always wins--or, that in the end, it will win eternally. I have always said I am a "philosopher," meaning a lover of wisdom. This does not imply that I am always in search of it and never in possession; simply it means that I will never stop my terrible rampages, long-winded rants and terroristic threats to former heads-of-state who simply want their peace in old age. I understand and misunderstand the world; but I will never let them put me in a bed I can't get out of. If I get the Gutter again--being born in it, I won't fear--then sobeit. But be it in my name! If I descend the river Styx again, surely I will slay my way out of it; this is all I care about now, though I have won and lost and sworn oaths I have later disagreed with. I am with Dante! I am with Virgil! I am with all those persecuted who then escape the flames! Peacemaking is difficult. If I want to live eternally, I will need to continue being rude, disrespectful and arrogantly non-satisfied with my holdings? What is life?

 

[timf]

Some of the terms you use sound like you have dealt with struggle (perhaps still do). Sometimes extensive struggles can make it difficult to see the world or other people in less conflictive terms. It can be similar to a person with extensive combat experience attempting to live a typical suburban life.

It can be difficult, once having become accustom to the intensity of struggles, to transition to the lower energy level of most social interaction. Sometimes this is aided by changing an interpretive template to translate what is observed. For example, if someone makes a rude comment, a combative template may interpret the comment as an attack and trigger a counter-attack or defensive action. A more social template might interpret the same action as the emotional overflow of someone who lacks self-control. This can be useful in identifying those who it would be advantageous to avoid.