I grew up in a very conservative family, that was not violent towards, but very against lgbt+ people. I of course didn't know what being gay or trans was at the time, but like many queers looking back at their childhood, there were a lot of early signs that I was. My parents never noticed, or maybe simply wrote these off as things a child might normally say or do since I was their first (same with my early signs of autism). My entire life they were staunchly against same-sex marriage, right up until the point that we were arguing about it before it was legalized, and I started crying. My mom asked if I was gay, and I just cried harder, and suddenly it was all hugs and, "You can marry whoever you want." Later she came to my room and talked to me. She asked if I was, "...all the way gay?" I told her I'm bi and the conversation continued pleasantly, until she concluded by joking, "As long as you don't come home saying you're not a girl or something." They've also always staunchly ridiculed trans people, right up until the point that I was in a crisis center and forced to come out to my parents against my will by EXTREMELY unprofessional staff, despite my telling them that I could potentially be homeless if they knew. After that my mom got a tumblr account, of all things, and started reading about trans people and issues and even knew about some aspects of the community that I didn't after that. My dad attended his first gay wedding of coworkers that he got along with very well. I've been minimal contact with my parents for a few months for a few reasons, and one of them is that despite all this, I feel like none of this acceptance is real because of the values they raised me with. I know this would be a dream scenario for a lot of queers, but I realized the other day that what bothers me about it so much, is that I feel that they're denying a part of themselves now just for the sake of maybe not having their chronically depressed kid ctb. I want to believe that they've really changed, and feel safe with them, but one of the only rules that my entire extended family applies is that we don't ask who anybody voted for. This was rooted in the principle that votes are private for a reason, and being a military family that migrated from Germany during certain world events, privacy is highly valued. I'm sitting here with the constant thought of, "What if my parents voted for a nazi while saying they love me as a queer person?" I'll never know the answer and I just have to hope they voted third party, or that Harris was centrist enough for them. I sit with this question knowing that I myself, decided not to vote for Trump the first time (when I was a baby gay conservative) because of the things he said about service members out of love for the members that make up my family. I have to always wonder if they love me the same. Anybody else have a similar situation?
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