Forever Alone discussion thread

[Slate128]

I don't often see chat on SS about how loneliness, in platonic or romantic terms, can be a factor in how fucked-up and defective we are. Here's a chance to let that all out.

I'll get this going: I'm 19 and while that may seem a little young to decide you're going to die alone, I am still a KHHV and have never gotten close to shaking that tag. Looks, personality, actions, whatever it is... I spent 6 years in a Christian youth group where e v e r y o n e gets hugged goodbye on the way out - except for me. People at school asked me out as a joke. I played along and did the same. I was the kid you knew in the first two weeks of term before you found a better friend. I developed the habit of making my suicidal intentions known at the beginning of each year, so people would stick around longer out of obligation, before it exhausted them and they moved on. I've no resentment for anyone I knew. I'd turn down myself as well.

Hope that strikes a chord with someone; interested to hear your thoughts regardless. Also, FA discussion usually centres around how men perceive it but logically there should be a similar amount of women feeling the same way so don't hesitate, girls.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I've been alone most of my life. I was terrified of intimacy until about 35 when I realized that being alone was hurting me more than a man being careless with my heart ever could. I had my first make out session at 36. I was in a brief relationship last year and it was the only thing keeping me going. Currently trying to find an SO who is ok with being with a sick old lady who will probably just be a burden. I can't hack it alone. Even if I was cured of my physical ailments I would want to ctb if I knew I would never be in another relationship again.

 

[AnnaJaspers]

I gave up on relationships about 5 years ago; I'm just not good at them and fall into a miserable depression when they end.

Life is so empty without a SO, though. I've spent the last years alone at the holidays. Not doing that again this year, I'd rather be dead.

 

[pole]

I don't often see chat on SS about how loneliness, in platonic or romantic terms, can be a factor in how fucked-up and defective we are. Here's a chance to let that all out.

I'll get this going: I'm 19 and while that may seem a little young to decide you're going to die alone, I am still a KHHV and have never gotten close to shaking that tag. Looks, personality, actions, whatever it is... I spent 6 years in a Christian youth group where e v e r y o n e gets hugged goodbye on the way out - except for me. People at school asked me out as a joke. I played along and did the same. I was the kid you knew in the first two weeks of term before you found a better friend. I developed the habit of making my suicidal intentions known at the beginning of each year, so people would stick around longer out of obligation, before it exhausted them and they moved on. I've no resentment for anyone I knew. I'd turn down myself as well.

Hope that strikes a chord with someone; interested to hear your thoughts regardless. Also, FA discussion usually centres around how men perceive it but logically there should be a similar amount of women feeling the same way so don't hesitate, girls.

Im also 19. to me, its not about like how i look, like i think im ugly but i just get told by others im not. i just have this idea that im meant to be alone, like this feeling? which is why i dont try nor do i pursue anything. I just think, mentally, im just not good enough for anyone. looks are whatever, but man if your like just filled with sadness and absolutely messed up inside, whats there to offer to someone that genuinly deserves the world?

i just dont think im good enough for anyone, im a failure and theres way better people out there for someone than me of all people you know? Like why me? The next persons definitely as good as me, if not 59484948399 times better.

 

[Xaphous]

Same except 29. Had chances, blew them all cos too anxious to meet. So dateless kissless V it is. I also have no other life at all so It doesn't matter now.

 

[restingspot]

24. Got kissed just a week ago though so there's that. I'm more or less voluntarily alone than incidentally alone. I can't handle relationships. For one, I don't want another connection to be sad when I ctb. Two, I realize that if I'm in a relationship that I have to share things. Share feelings, share needs, share wants, share desires, and share a space....share a life. I've lived all my life sharing and I hate it even though I'm an impulsively charitable person. Three, constant communication. Every single day. I don't like that. It gives me a responsibility that I don't want. Only with people I mesh incredibly well with will I do this, and even then, I only have one person I message every single day for hours and hours. She's been my best friend for 10 years. I dunno what the hell is wrong with me that I can't function like a normal human being.

 

[NextBusLeaving]

We need an SS dating site. So many pretty girls on here and I'm like "baby I'd accept you if you accept me." I think people that suffer from this would be far more understanding than ppl who don't.

 

[JimFord99]

24. Got kissed just a week ago though so there's that. I'm more or less voluntarily alone than incidentally alone. I can't handle relationships. For one, I don't want another connection to be sad when I ctb. Two, I realize that if I'm in a relationship that I have to share things. Share feelings, share needs, share wants, share desires, and share a space....share a life. I've lived all my life sharing and I hate it even though I'm an impulsively charitable person. Three, constant communication. Every single day. I don't like that. It gives me a responsibility that I don't want. Only with people I mesh incredibly well with will I do this, and even then, I only have one person I message every single day for hours and hours. She's been my best friend for 10 years. I dunno what the hell is wrong with me that I can't function like a normal human being.

Can't handle relationships either, not anymore. I used to, but not anymore. Relationships are a hindrance and a sole way of one way conversations. Like you I do not like responsibilities, not anymore.

 

[RedPanda]

Being alone has never bothered me. I grew up as an only child. I had to entertain myself and i still do it till this day. I even have this "alter ego" or my sub-conscious that i regularly talk to and it talks back to me. It might sound a bit crazy but maybe i am crazy...actually i'm probably crazy lol. I love to be alone all the time, i do everything on my own. I go everywhere on my own. I'm ok with not having someone because i'm so used to always being without anyone. I have no desire to be with anyone...ever. I'm just too comfortable being on my own. I don't even crave intimacy. As i said, when all you know is being alone you get used to it and it becomes the norm.

 

[JimFord99]

Looniness can be bliss ...

 

[Robbyna]

I've mostly been alone. I've been in two relationships that were unhealthy and traumatizing. I've wanted to find someone to share my life with, but now I know I won't..at least it this lifetime. When I first realized this there was a strange feeling of relief but I've slowly realized life has very little meaning without others to share it with and a romantic relationship would've been very good for me.

 

[JimFord99]

This is probably how most relationships end.

 

[sadsadinfp]

Also never been in a real relationship, I've had opportunities to have a girlfriend but I've always gotten scared and ran the other way. I think one reason is that I definitely have self-image issues, I think my nose is too big, and I have really unruly red hair, but apparently I'm cute to some people. The other is obviously just low self-esteem, I can't imagine that anyone would still love me once they got to know me, and as a kid I was teased a lot about my appearance (I was pretty much the only ginger at my elementary school and I was very timid, never fought back, so I was an easy target) so I half think that when someone seems to be hitting on me it's either out of pity or they're actually making fun of me. -.-

I don't have trouble making friends with or talking to girls though, my best friends throughout school were mostly girls, same at university, but when it comes to actually dating, I'm honestly terrified of intimacy. Just recently I deleted my tumblr account when I found out that a girl who followed me and who I'd chatted with a few times was writing text posts about being in love with me I know that's a stupid example, but anytime a girl really shows an interest in me it scares the hell out of me.

 

[Black_Knight]

I've always been naturally inclined towards it. Instead of being hurt when people rejected me for dumb reasons (as long as they were actually dumb reasons) I'd kind of just laugh at them in my head, then fuck off and daydream in a corner somewhere. I like having my own headspace without anyone intruding upon it.

 

[wanttodie.nz]

I was in a loving relationship but I screwed it up. My friends are usually busy or our plans don't work. Once again as I type this I am lying in bed alone. I want someone in my life but all the women I talk to are either attached, not interested or just rubbish. I don't see a future for me now.

 

[goomsoom]

Being alone has never bothered me. I grew up as an only child. I had to entertain myself and i still do it till this day. I even have this "alter ego" or my sub-conscious that i regularly talk to and it talks back to me. It might sound a bit crazy but maybe i am crazy...actually i'm probably crazy lol. I love to be alone all the time, i do everything on my own. I go everywhere on my own. I'm ok with not having someone because i'm so used to always being without anyone. I have no desire to be with anyone...ever. I'm just too comfortable being on my own. I don't even crave intimacy. As i said, when all you know is being alone you get used to it and it becomes the norm.

lol are you me? I still crave a little intimacy though just wanted to feel it once.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I'm married and I'm still so alone.

 

[porfin1234]

I've been blessed with good partners but did not do well in the relationships. I was isolated for the most part.

Last year I was finally making friends and very very social and people enjoyed being around me but that's come to a screeching halt since last September

Some of those friends are still around but I am now isolating myself because I am in a very bad place and don't want to burden them.. some who I've been open with distanced themselves from me (I think).

As for romantic relationships... I give up.
If I had stayed on the path I was last year and had avoided getting involved with men not good for me, I bet I finally would've been healthy enough to find a good partner I could be good for.

But, alas... the foundation of stability I was building is gone. So I think I'll be alone for good.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Hi. I'm 26 and I never had a girlfriend. I will die alone. But that doesn't matter anymore.

 

[Skyview]

Had a few good relationships and others not so good especially when they try to take over your life , no thank you !
I think being free from the stress has its advantages and I enjoy the freedom of being single .

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My perspectives, may not apply to OP or anyone else. The brain is still growing until 25-26. There is still a lot of potential for growing into yourself with every new environment and situation. I was awkward in high school, really started to feel more comfortable with myself and others at 25 after a divorce and going back to college. And to me the twenties are like the adolescence of adulthood. I became a lot more confident and okay with myself after 30. I'm extroverted, but I've seen introverted people really come into their own if they had something to pursue and built confidence if they found some success in the pursuit, like they found that they fit in their own life and then fit better with others. I was good in academic pursuits, and I liked the subjects I took in college as opposed to high school, so my self-esteem and confidence grew and fit better in myself and with others rather than sticking out like an awkward spaz. I think the story of the man who created REBT therapy is inspiring. He recognized his fear of speaking and made himself do it until he got comfortable, other people's opinions of him be damned.

Okay I'll stop rambling now. You do you, I accept you as you are and how you feel, not at all trying to negate or minimize.

I don't often see chat on SS about how loneliness, in platonic or romantic terms, can be a factor in how fucked-up and defective we are. Here's a chance to let that all out.

I'll get this going: I'm 19 and while that may seem a little young to decide you're going to die alone, I am still a KHHV and have never gotten close to shaking that tag. Looks, personality, actions, whatever it is... I spent 6 years in a Christian youth group where e v e r y o n e gets hugged goodbye on the way out - except for me. People at school asked me out as a joke. I played along and did the same. I was the kid you knew in the first two weeks of term before you found a better friend. I developed the habit of making my suicidal intentions known at the beginning of each year, so people would stick around longer out of obligation, before it exhausted them and they moved on. I've no resentment for anyone I knew. I'd turn down myself as well.

Hope that strikes a chord with someone; interested to hear your thoughts regardless. Also, FA discussion usually centres around how men perceive it but logically there should be a similar amount of women feeling the same way so don't hesitate, girls.

OMG, though, just visit the States. You'll be fawned over for your accent. Anyone with a Kiwi, Aussie, or British accent has instant sex appeal in the States. People won't see you as you are like they do at home, they will find you interesting and want to engage with you. You'd have to carry a bloody weapon and wear a T-shirt that said "Convicted Sex Offender" to scare them off, and even then, some would be so mesmerized by your accent they either wouldn't notice or would think, "Nah, he can't be *that* bad" and talk to you anyway.