Forever 28

[foreverandalways28]

Life was destroyed for me at 23 when my fiancé (I'll call him G) was killed on impact due to the negligence of a drunk driver. For the past 4 years at the time, this man was all I knew. He was the most loving, caring, thoughtful person. G healed parts of me that I never thought would heal. He helped me believe in love. He showed me it was real. I am coming up on my 4th year without him, this October. I decided when I lost him,I did not want to be here anymore. I am now patiently waiting for a painless method to make itself known and I'm gone. I need to be reunited with him. Not only him but our child as well. I miscarried our baby at 21 due to stress of losing my younger cousin to suicide when he was only 11. I've suffered so much loss but losing G, that was the nail in my coffin. He took me with him when he left. I'm a shell of who I was and I'm tired of pretending for friends and family that I'm okay because I'm not and haven't been for a while. The only time I'm "okay" is when I'm ignoring my pain and hurt in my heart but every night, I have to face reality. He's gone, he's not coming back and his life was cut too short. I'll never hear his laugh again, see him smile, have a family with him. Grow old with him. He was taken way too soon and since he didn't get to make it past 28, I don't want to either. There's no words to describe the pain. I truly believe G was my soulmate which is why I feel so lost now. I've tried counseling but it only seems to be a bandaid for the pain I feel. Reality still hits, that he's gone and no matter what I do, he's not coming back. I tried to ctb last year on my birthday by inhaling helium and I passed out but sadly awoke as if I had just fallen asleep. I think I want to settle with this as my method. I just need to get it right. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to let me know. Even if it's another method. Here's to hoping my next life is more kind to me than this one has been. My fiancé would always say "forever and always" (hence my user) and he definitely meant it because I can't live without him and feel him constantly.

 

[RubyGloom]

i am so incredibly sorry for your loss

 

[Nikitatos]

That's so sad. Sorry for your loss.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really painful what you go through, it truly is so cruel to me how there's all this suffering, I hope you find the peace you search for.

 

[sorrowful]

I'm sorry for your loss. The way you speak so fondly of him is heartwarming. I believe that you will be able to reunite with him one day, and I hope that eventually you can find peace however that may be.