Forecast showing high likelyhood of suicide on the weekend

[oopswronglife]

Nothing ever fucking goes right. I have been a good person my entire life. Followed all those rules we were taught as kids like being kind, sharing, helping. You know...the ones adults hardly ever follow. Everyone telling you if you just work hard and are honest it will work out and people will be there for you. Well it didn't, and they weren't. Every time I try to hold onto one little hope...spend more of the precious money I can't afford to spend...I always lose. Today was another one of those days. One of those days you say "Ok if THIS thing works I will keep trying but if it does not I am done". Well it did not. The shit of it is I don't WANT to be done...I just CAN'T fucking live like this. I really needed to get away from here to do it....but I cannot. I really needed it to be on a certain day....but I cannot because the shit people I live with come back on that day. Nothing ever works....I was fucked from birth and only a few teases of happiness from a few good moments and people weren't enough. I cannot even fucking die the way and when I choose. So I am going to TRY to mail some things....which sucks because I don't want to get up early and the post office closes early on Saturday. Then I am going to destroy the rest of my private things. Then I am going to TRY and probably fail because something will go wrong, to take some pills and get drunk and hope I can convince myself to do this fucked up thing none of us should do....and I am fucking angry....and I do not forgive....and I hate everything and everyone.....

 

[Moonicide]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, love.
Just know we're here for you and I hope eventually you can be at peace... And don't hesitate to look at SS's resources as they have good information on different methods which will prevent you from failing if you ultimately decide to not be a part of this world anymore.

 

[oopswronglife]

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, love.
Just know we're here for you and I hope eventually you can be at peace... And don't hesitate to look at SS's resources as they have good information on different methods which will prevent you from failing if you ultimately decide to not be a part of this world anymore.

Thanks but I am not exactly new to this. I have visited sites like this since the olden times and I know all there is to know about methods and have several of the best ones available. But I still imagine something will go wrong since it always does. Even writing here is sort of pointless, it's just the only place you won't get the usual platitudes and bullshit as has already happened anywhere else I was stupid enough to say anything. Quite sure if I hadn't taken precautions some police would have already arrived to add to my problems. People just never help...but love to hurt you while making themselves feel righteous. I actually DO want to be saved...I want someone to help me...but what they do isn't saving...it's just making you live in even worse conditions with less agency.