I was healthy young teen at the age of 16, bubbly and outgoing, yet very hard teen who hated authority and rules. Wherever there were rules- I just couldn't not brake them. I smoked cannabis for the first time at that age too. And as you may know already- some people react very negatively to weed, mainly by having panic attacks/Anxiety. At the time, my biggest fear, I remember, was loosing my sanity. So when the first panic attack in my life has settled, it triggered a chain of thinking I'm going crazy> another panic attack > loosing more sanity etc.
At the time my parents who were very caring and obviously worried took me to the psychiatrist, little did I knew then, it's gonna be the start of the end. After not more than 5 minutes he decided I have panic attack disorder and general Anxiety disorder. He prescribed me Lexapro (selective serotonin reuptake inhibtor). I started taking the pills, not knowing how devilish they were at the time.
Side effects settled in, genital numbness, cloudy mind and brainfog, a bit of emotional flattening and somewhat loss of pleasure, low motivation, and generally not as life loving teen as I was anymore.
I didn't thought of it much, as I belived I am "I'll" as the psychiatrist said and I need those meds for life, i also belived they are fully safe and if ever I wanted to stop, I can just do it.
Fast forward 4 years, at the age of 20 I thought why the hell I take those meds daily for panic attacks I had years ago. I did a bit of googling and I just discovered how big of a scam psychiatry was.
I decided I want off those mind diluding-altering pills. I asked my doc for a tapper plan, he said gradually decrease the dosage over a month, and so I did.
After the first reduction, I suddenly lost my libido, sex drive. I remember that I could not get aroused with my ex back then, and couldn't feel any romantic connection towards her. I thought it's the withdrawal, and kept reducing the dosage till I finally stopped taking the meds.
The following months were only as I can describe, HELL ON EARTH. I suddenly developed extreme ocd (which I never had prior to meds) and my mood kept swinging up and down. Then I suddenly lost sensation in my penis completely, I literally couldn't even feel an icecube, or a lighter, like someone injected lidocaine into my penis.
So now I have no sex drive, no romantic emotions, and I literally can't feel my dick.
Few days have past and suddenly I can't sleep too. I have akathisia and I'm getting iritated over anything the breathes. My state of mind was so altered, my body was too distressed by the fast tapper plan my psychiatrist gave me.
As time went, withdrawal got less, sleep got better, but I started loosing more and more chunks of myself. I started loosing more and more emotions, till I was empty as a shell, being in a total void, my skin got very numb too (as the case with my penis).
It's been two years since first getting inured by pills. I have no memory of the past two years, or even of my life. I am too emotionally cut off from life to remember anything. My congnition is ruined, I can't even do simple math or read a book. I ofcourse can't watch any movie/shows because the emotional numbness, my imagination is totally shot off. Same goes for my social skills and confidence, that are really totally gone since I almost can't conversate with people due to this lack of pleasure and emotion.
I've been to many doctors, proffersors, they all gaslighted me or said it depression (how the fuck can Depression can cause me to loose sensation in my skin/penis????). This syndrome has a name- it called PSSD. There are other suffereres on this forum.
So, I'm now 21. Life is totally gone, my health is none existent, I have no desires, no passion, it seems as the old me is not existing anymore, and there's no cure or anything I can really do to even remotely change my situation. Id give my two hands, a kidney, and everything I can to have my life back and stop this continues torture chamber everyday.
I probably missed details as I've been through so much this past two years. I don't remember many of the details/lack of emotions makes it hard to connect the dots.
So, now I have death. That's the only escape I have for not suffering anymore. I don't want to die, I love life. But unfortunately, I am already dead inside.
Thanks for reading.
At the time my parents who were very caring and obviously worried took me to the psychiatrist, little did I knew then, it's gonna be the start of the end. After not more than 5 minutes he decided I have panic attack disorder and general Anxiety disorder. He prescribed me Lexapro (selective serotonin reuptake inhibtor). I started taking the pills, not knowing how devilish they were at the time.
Side effects settled in, genital numbness, cloudy mind and brainfog, a bit of emotional flattening and somewhat loss of pleasure, low motivation, and generally not as life loving teen as I was anymore.
I didn't thought of it much, as I belived I am "I'll" as the psychiatrist said and I need those meds for life, i also belived they are fully safe and if ever I wanted to stop, I can just do it.
Fast forward 4 years, at the age of 20 I thought why the hell I take those meds daily for panic attacks I had years ago. I did a bit of googling and I just discovered how big of a scam psychiatry was.
I decided I want off those mind diluding-altering pills. I asked my doc for a tapper plan, he said gradually decrease the dosage over a month, and so I did.
After the first reduction, I suddenly lost my libido, sex drive. I remember that I could not get aroused with my ex back then, and couldn't feel any romantic connection towards her. I thought it's the withdrawal, and kept reducing the dosage till I finally stopped taking the meds.
The following months were only as I can describe, HELL ON EARTH. I suddenly developed extreme ocd (which I never had prior to meds) and my mood kept swinging up and down. Then I suddenly lost sensation in my penis completely, I literally couldn't even feel an icecube, or a lighter, like someone injected lidocaine into my penis.
So now I have no sex drive, no romantic emotions, and I literally can't feel my dick.
Few days have past and suddenly I can't sleep too. I have akathisia and I'm getting iritated over anything the breathes. My state of mind was so altered, my body was too distressed by the fast tapper plan my psychiatrist gave me.
As time went, withdrawal got less, sleep got better, but I started loosing more and more chunks of myself. I started loosing more and more emotions, till I was empty as a shell, being in a total void, my skin got very numb too (as the case with my penis).
It's been two years since first getting inured by pills. I have no memory of the past two years, or even of my life. I am too emotionally cut off from life to remember anything. My congnition is ruined, I can't even do simple math or read a book. I ofcourse can't watch any movie/shows because the emotional numbness, my imagination is totally shot off. Same goes for my social skills and confidence, that are really totally gone since I almost can't conversate with people due to this lack of pleasure and emotion.
I've been to many doctors, proffersors, they all gaslighted me or said it depression (how the fuck can Depression can cause me to loose sensation in my skin/penis????). This syndrome has a name- it called PSSD. There are other suffereres on this forum.
So, I'm now 21. Life is totally gone, my health is none existent, I have no desires, no passion, it seems as the old me is not existing anymore, and there's no cure or anything I can really do to even remotely change my situation. Id give my two hands, a kidney, and everything I can to have my life back and stop this continues torture chamber everyday.
I probably missed details as I've been through so much this past two years. I don't remember many of the details/lack of emotions makes it hard to connect the dots.
So, now I have death. That's the only escape I have for not suffering anymore. I don't want to die, I love life. But unfortunately, I am already dead inside.
Thanks for reading.
