For those with bpd

[Weebster]

I don't know if people with bpd have this problem but I heard they do and so do I.

How do you control yourself when you feel overwhelmed by "attachment hunger"? I'll text my friends and I sound so needy sometimes which is surprising to them because I'm not usually like that. Ive lost friends before for doing this. I've gotten worse lately because everything is just getting worse and my distractions are no longer good enough to help me feel okay.

 

[paleplumi]

I text or call my friends, ask how they are, how life's been. Sometimes I senselessly hookup with people. Or go to meetups and make new connections.

Hell, I have resorted to places like Omegle just to have any kind of connection with another human being.

 

[Weebster]

I text or call my friends, ask how they are, how life's been. Sometimes I senselessly hookup with people. Or go to meetups and make new connections.

Hell, I have resorted to places like Omegle just to have any kind of connection with another human being.

How have you not lost your friends due to your neediness or are they unusually understanding?

 

[paleplumi]

How have you not lost your friends due to your neediness or are they unusually understanding?

Well, I'm not sure what you consider neediness. I'm very communicative and open with my friends, and my very best friends are childhood friends who know about my illness.

I also try not to make it all about me when I reach out to them. I always make sure I give them the space to talk about what's been going on in their lives if they need to.

I'd like to think I'm a good friend to them, and they are a good friend to me in return. I always try to help the people in my life and they're willing to help me when I need them as well.

 

[Weebster]

Well, I'm not sure what you consider neediness. I'm very communicative and open with my friends, and my very best friends are childhood friends who know about my illness.

I also try not to make it all about me when I reach out to them. I always make sure I give them the space to talk about what's been going on in their lives if they need to.

I'd like to think I'm a good friend to them, and they are a good friend to me in return. I always try to help the people in my life and they're willing to help me when I need them as well.

Are you a girl? Girls tend to be more understanding of their girl friends I've noticed. I'm a guy and people are less understanding when I bombard them with attention and clingy behavior. I'm seen as weak and a wreck.

 

[paleplumi]

Are you a girl? Girls tend to be more understanding of their girl friends I've noticed. I'm a guy and people are less understanding when I bombard them with attention and clingy behavior. I'm seen as weak and a wreck.

Yes, I'm a woman. I would never consider my guy friends needy for needing some extra attention every now and then, but that's just me.

What kind of attention do you usually need? I tend to be extra affectionate with certain friends, but I don't have that liberty with all of them.

 

[Weebster]

Yes, I'm a woman. I would never consider my guy friends needy for needing some extra attention every now and then, but that's just me.

What kind of attention do you usually need? I tend to be extra affectionate with certain friends, but I don't have that liberty with all of them.

I have a friend like that, but she's more expressive than talkative, which can make interactions difficult.

I need daily interaction but I don't act on the need usually. Sometimes i'll text every day but not multiple texts in a row. But what I say can sound insecure and in person I've seen her look bothered by that even though she insists we're just friends, so my occasional insecurity shouldn't be a big deal. Ideally I would see the people I know a few times a week but adults tend to be too busy.

 

[paleplumi]

I have a friend like that, but she's more expressive than talkative, which can make interactions difficult.

I need daily interaction but I don't act on the need usually. Sometimes i'll text every day but not multiple texts in a row. But what I say can sound insecure and in person I've seen her look bothered by that even though she insists we're just friends, so my occasional insecurity shouldn't be a big deal. Ideally I would see the people I know a few times a week but adults tend to be too busy.

I guess I'm a little different. I don't need daily interaction unless I'm really infatuated/obsessed with someone. That's usually only at the beginning of my friendships and then it slowly fizzles out.

I recently made a friend online and on the second day I was already telling her I loved her. She fortunately took it in stride and now we talk every day, occasionally call each other, play games online, and send each good morning and good night texts basically every day.

I'm also an introvert and would rather not see people in person too often, unless I'm really really really into them. I'm kind of more talkative and needy via text. Although today I started randomly crying because I had nobody to hug so I do miss physical affection at certain points. Although being a woman, it's very hard to find men who will reciprocate platonic physical affection without being interested in sex -- which can get annoying and straight up dangerous at times. I've had some not so pleasant experiences with that.

You said you come off as insecure -- how does that usually manifest in your case? Can you give me an example?

 

[waitingforrest]

Sounds dumb but I just go to a chatbot and just say and complain about whatever I want. Otherwise I don't have many ways to cope with the need for connection other than avoiding things that remind me how lonely I am.

Spamming a chatbot much better than spamming someone with text messages in my opinion. When I calm down a bit more, I will then be able to sound less needy and clingy.

It always feels like I am going to be left behind at anytime.

 

[author]

I have BPD. I'm constantly texting my friends random things I'm thinking of because I really want to talk with them and have a genuine conversation but they're usually busy so I don't usually get a response. I think it's partially the BPD and partially loneliness.

 

[Weebster]

I guess I'm a little different. I don't need daily interaction unless I'm really infatuated/obsessed with someone. That's usually only at the beginning of my friendships and then it slowly fizzles out.

I recently made a friend online and on the second day I was already telling her I loved her. She fortunately took it in stride and now we talk every day, occasionally call each other, play games online, and send each good morning and good night texts basically every day.

I'm also an introvert and would rather not see people in person too often, unless I'm really really really into them. I'm kind of more talkative and needy via text. Although today I started randomly crying because I had nobody to hug so I do miss physical affection at certain points. Although being a woman, it's very hard to find men who will reciprocate platonic physical affection without being interested in sex -- which can get annoying and straight up dangerous at times. I've had some not so pleasant experiences with that.

You said you come off as insecure -- how does that usually manifest in your case? Can you give me an example?

Why does it fizzle out? It's good she reciprocated. Yeah men are cursed with high libidos. My few friends that are women are great but I wish I could be with them.

I can be apologetic which I can tell bothers one friend. She'll look down like she's confused by my behavior. I lose track of my thoughts and my sentence will stop because I get anxious. She doesn't like that either but it's like this downward look of uncertainty. I can't figure it out.

Sounds dumb but I just go to a chatbot and just say and complain about whatever I want. Otherwise I don't have many ways to cope with the need for connection other than avoiding things that remind me how lonely I am.

Spamming a chatbot much better than spamming someone with text messages in my opinion. When I calm down a bit more, I will then be able to sound less needy and clingy.

It always feels like I am going to be left behind at anytime.

I feel that too. A day or three without talking feels like the friendship has ended.

What does the chatbot respond with?

 

[Weebster]

I have BPD. I'm constantly texting my friends random things I'm thinking of because I really want to talk with them and have a genuine conversation but they're usually busy so I don't usually get a response. I think it's partially the BPD and partially loneliness.

Yeah it kills me when I don't get a response. I'm too dependent on the few people I know, especially since I'm tired of movies, books, etc. it's awful.

What do you do to distract yourself?

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

How do we know if we have bdp?

 

[paleplumi]

How do we know if we have bdp?

You would need to see a mental health professional. I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist after putting myself in the hospital a couple of times.

Why does it fizzle out? It's good she reciprocated. Yeah men are cursed with high libidos. My few friends that are women are great but I wish I could be with them.

I can be apologetic which I can tell bothers one friend. She'll look down like she's confused by my behavior. I lose track of my thoughts and my sentence will stop because I get anxious. She doesn't like that either but it's like this downward look of uncertainty. I can't figure it out.

I just get so hyper when I first start something (be it an activity/hobby or relationship) that I think I burn all of my interest at once and quickly grow bored of it. I can be really intense at first and it's very tiring to keep that up.

Most things in my life eventually fizzle out. Jobs, relationships, hobbies. I suspect I may have undiagnosed ADHD but I need to go see a professional about that.

I can definitely see how being overly apologetic can bother some people. Maybe just make a mental note, or even a physical one, while talking to that friend so you know not to do that around her.

I'm usually very adaptable and perceptive so I act differently depending on who I am with. I would definitely get anxious if I noticed a friend giving me weird looks.

 

[yonina]

Honestly I just end up repressing most of my relentless urge to cling on to someone like a life raft. It probably isn't the healthiest for my emotionally to do this but I know that I haven't developed the skill set to discuss my feelings of abandonment brought on by the smallest of provocations without scaring or rightfully driving off those I care about. It feels like constant emotional agony when I do have someone I'm particularly attached to but letting them know how dependent I am on them for my emotional states seems like something that is very easy to mess up.

 

[noaccount]

How do we know if we have bdp?

Well, "borderline" is a term psychologists originally made up to say that people were "on the border between neurosis and psychosis."
Then, they started using it as an insult to describe any women who didn't do exactly what they wanted women to do.
They they also started slapping it on people with Post Traumatic Stress disorder, as a way to dismiss and silence them and say, "You weren't really abused, you just have a personality disorder."
It was used to justify abuse by medical professionals - "we have to hurt her like this, her condition is so severe it requires it" - AND to justify neglecting people, rejecting them and denying them help - "She's borderline, she's beyond help so don't bother, just leave her to die."

In other words, it's not an objective "know if you have this" kind of thing. And a psychologist does NOT know you better than you know yourself. You are the expert on your mind.

If there are things about your feelings, your thinking, your relationships, that you're concerned about and want to explore more - I PROMISE you, we can do that without subscribing to "personality disorder" labels.
What prompts you to ask this?

 

[PartlyHuman]

I don't know if people with bpd have this problem but I heard they do and so do I.

How do you control yourself when you feel overwhelmed by "attachment hunger"? I'll text my friends and I sound so needy sometimes which is surprising to them because I'm not usually like that. Ive lost friends before for doing this. I've gotten worse lately because everything is just getting worse and my distractions are no longer good enough to help me feel okay.

I'm diagnosed with bpd but I only have what you called attachment hunger when I'm too stressed. In my opinion it destroys your friendships when it's too much for one person (I established a limit of writing them about 5 times a day if I'm not the one answering). You can distribute it by making some meaningless connections. Like, in my case it was a couple of language exchange partners, a few gaming friends and so on so I was constantly in one dialogue or another. It wasn't too much on a single person and I managed not to get too attached so when with time some of these people dissolved it didn't hurt too much.
Another thing that helped me was writing. I can write my characters being close and express my need of closeness this way and somehow it helps with inner emptiness and loneliness without harming my relationships.

 

[LostMyWill]

I used to be so clingy to my friends that if they don't message me for a day or something I start suspecting that they don't want to be friends with me anymore or found someone better than me.
This stopped though because even when I spend time with people, friends and family..etc, I get absolutely nothing out of it. Socializing just doesn't click for me anymore, as with other things.

 

[Firegirl]

Omg same