I've noticed this quite a bit on the forum. Members saying that they hate themselves. I just wondered how many people we have here that used to feel this way but managed to reduce the intensity of those feelings or banish them all together.
I do remember hating myself when I was young and, saying as much to a relative. Who- sensibly told me- I ought to change the things I hated then. Which kind of stumped me because, I wasn't entirely sure what it was I hated. Just that I was deeply unhappy with myself.
Looking back now, I was being massively bullied by a (suspected) narcissist and I suspect that I'd simply just internalised all the stuff they said to me. Plus, feeling that I couldn't cope in life I think made me find fault with myself.
Later on and even now, I can hate and feel embarassed about ways I've acted. Not a great excuse but, huge social anxiety has resulted in me acting pretty rudely on occassions. I try hard now to bring that to mind if I'm in a situation where I may end up doing the same.
I suppose what I'm trying to say though- members who hate themselves. Have you questioned why? If it's behaviours you tend to repeat- why do you suppose you have those behaviours in the first place? It's not meant to be- 'Don't blame yourself, blame someone else instead!'
Still, I think it's only fair on yourselves to try and figure out how this came about. Don't just assume you were born unpleasant- if you even are! I guess I just find it hard to believe people here are that awful. Even when they insist they are. I'm not sure someone that self aware can be that awful. Surely, guilt and remorse has some sort of preventative effect. Plus, I think the worse kind of people don't feel remorse at all.
It just makes me sad really because, life is hard enough as it is. There are already plenty of people who will be happy to berate you. Don't do it to yourself as well! In a way, we're our own best allies. When we're fighting against our own selves too- that makes things even harder!
I suppose I just wanted to say- those who do hate yourselves- ask why. What was your upbringing like? Were you constantly berated? Do you suppose you've internalised criticism? Is it some sort of defence mechanism? Or, awkwardness around people? Those aren't things you should hate yourself for. They're unfortunate traits- certainly and they probably do need (uncomfortable) work done to rectify.
I suppose I think it's forgiveness that's the start of healing. Maybe you can forgive yourself some of your undesirable traits if you realise they weren't your fault initially. Then ideally, work at changing them I suppose.
What are your experiences? Why do people hate themselves?
I do remember hating myself when I was young and, saying as much to a relative. Who- sensibly told me- I ought to change the things I hated then. Which kind of stumped me because, I wasn't entirely sure what it was I hated. Just that I was deeply unhappy with myself.
Looking back now, I was being massively bullied by a (suspected) narcissist and I suspect that I'd simply just internalised all the stuff they said to me. Plus, feeling that I couldn't cope in life I think made me find fault with myself.
Later on and even now, I can hate and feel embarassed about ways I've acted. Not a great excuse but, huge social anxiety has resulted in me acting pretty rudely on occassions. I try hard now to bring that to mind if I'm in a situation where I may end up doing the same.
I suppose what I'm trying to say though- members who hate themselves. Have you questioned why? If it's behaviours you tend to repeat- why do you suppose you have those behaviours in the first place? It's not meant to be- 'Don't blame yourself, blame someone else instead!'
Still, I think it's only fair on yourselves to try and figure out how this came about. Don't just assume you were born unpleasant- if you even are! I guess I just find it hard to believe people here are that awful. Even when they insist they are. I'm not sure someone that self aware can be that awful. Surely, guilt and remorse has some sort of preventative effect. Plus, I think the worse kind of people don't feel remorse at all.
It just makes me sad really because, life is hard enough as it is. There are already plenty of people who will be happy to berate you. Don't do it to yourself as well! In a way, we're our own best allies. When we're fighting against our own selves too- that makes things even harder!
I suppose I just wanted to say- those who do hate yourselves- ask why. What was your upbringing like? Were you constantly berated? Do you suppose you've internalised criticism? Is it some sort of defence mechanism? Or, awkwardness around people? Those aren't things you should hate yourself for. They're unfortunate traits- certainly and they probably do need (uncomfortable) work done to rectify.
I suppose I think it's forgiveness that's the start of healing. Maybe you can forgive yourself some of your undesirable traits if you realise they weren't your fault initially. Then ideally, work at changing them I suppose.
What are your experiences? Why do people hate themselves?
