For those who attempted CTB

[TheMetalhead]

For those who attempted to CTB, how did you guys feel knowing that you failed to accomplish it?
For me it was rather neutral, like meh didn't work the first time, nor on the fourth occasion, next time I may be luckier.
Emotionally I got into a state, where I wouldn't be able to cry or even feel sad, an emotionless shell for my meaningless existence.

 

[allthatimsaying]

I just tried to CTB with partial hanging this morning, with two attempts. The first one failed because of wrong setup and the second one failed because of SI. I'm now looking for how to avoid SI to kick in.

I was shaking at first because it was my first time trying to effectively CTB and even considered to continue living, but I must proceed with it. It kind of motivated me even more to keep trying.

 

[TheMetalhead]

I just tried to CTB with partial hanging this morning, with two attempts. The first one failed because of wrong setup and the second one failed because of SI. I'm now looking for how to avoid SI to kick in.

I was shaking at first because it was my first time trying to effectively CTB and even considered to continue living, but I must proceed with it. It kind of motivated me even more to keep trying.

Hang in there buddy, yeah overcoming SI is in my opinion the worst part about it. You considering whether to continue living or not may be a big thing on why you may be struggling with overcoming SI if I had to guess, what helped me overcome SI was bringing a bottle of vodka, a knife and then I rode to a nearby lake where noone would find me, didn't plan anything regarding CTB but the build up pushed me towards it I think.

 

[nadia225]

For those who attempted to CTB, how did you guys feel knowing that you failed to accomplish it?
For me it was rather neutral, like meh didn't work the first time, nor on the fourth occasion, next time I may be luckier.
Emotionally I got into a state, where I wouldn't be able to cry or even feel sad, an emotionless shell for my meaningless existence.

I've tried cbt countless times when I was little I was try to eat things I was deathly allergic too but I always did it impulsively so it never worked as I don't think I had the real intent of dying in such a horrendous painful way that young anyways, so I was kinda happy what I was transported to the hospital. My first actual attempt was a 9years old where I decided to gulp down almost a whole bottle of Benadryl worst mistake I ever made. One I was mad as fuck when I woke up but I was also hallucinating like shit for like two days was getting babysat by my older niece so she though I was just crazy I didn't get taken to the hospital but I was out of it just doing weird shit.

I was extremely embarrassed after that attempt because one it didn't work and two I vaugly remembered what I was doing and I couldn't explain myself because then I would have to admit that at 9yrs I tried to overdose and die I didn't want anybody to know how deeply depressed I was at the time. After those attempts I was kinda traumatized but I always knew I would die by suicide one day my recent attempts have been futile also.

I tried again to eat things I was deathly allergic too they were all very very impulsive because it was in a midst of a mental breakdown all of which didn't work because apparently as you age some allergies go down lol. Anyways I never did the research on different methods fr because I never had access to something I knew would 100% do the job. I didn't even know about other methods that weren't (I.e hanging or shooting yourself or dropping from a bridge) those of which are way better than jumping in front of a train or a car or some shit.

So yeah moral of the story for each attempt that didn't work I get very embarrassed and mad that I didn't put more though into it to actually make it work I feel kinda like a coward but my philosophy has changed a bit on why I want to even do so in the first place versus all the other times. So next time I attempt it will not be an attempt I don't have time for those silly games.

 

[treetop.grazer]

Mine was od'ing on meds I was allergic to, took a whole pack of them in the woods and expected that to be that. For reasons I cannot fathom, all that happened is that I'm now no longer allergic to them and I had a bad headache for a week.

 

[CW36]

I just tried to CTB with partial hanging this morning, with two attempts. The first one failed because of wrong setup and the second one failed because of SI. I'm now looking for how to avoid SI to kick in.

I was shaking at first because it was my first time trying to effectively CTB and even considered to continue living, but I must proceed with it. It kind of motivated me even more to keep trying.

The answer is obvious; you cannot defeat SI. The only way to win is to go complete. Partial appears to be the most failed method discussed.

 

[su1c1dal-dungeon]

i od'ed and woke up ~30 hours later embarrassed as fuck. i didnt tell anyone because - as stated - embarrassing as fuck. i didnt really have any thoughts at the time, everything was hazy and my brain couldnt keep up with anything but eventually i got pissed at myself for failing. but the overall big feeling was just numbness. i just fell right back into the state i was in when i od'ed.

 

[deepblack]

i od'ed and woke up ~30 hours later embarrassed as fuck. i didnt tell anyone because - as stated - embarrassing as fuck. i didnt really have any thoughts at the time, everything was hazy and my brain couldnt keep up with anything but eventually i got pissed at myself for failing. but the overall big feeling was just numbness. i just fell right back into the state i was in when i od'ed.

May I ask what you consumed in order to OD/CTB?

 

[tora]

when I realized I failed the first time, I was full of so much dread and shame. it was the worst feeling in the whole world, I knew I fucked up big time and that my life was going to really suck for a few weeks. the second time I was in and out of consciousness for 2 days after from my overdose so I don't really remember how I felt then.