For those of you who have SH'd

[hiddenbpd]

Hey! Recovering self harmer here, obviously still relapsing at times because healing isn't linear.
What helped you stop self harming? How do you deal with the remaining scars, and people's reactions?

 

[Hirokami]

For me, I only used to hurt myself when I feel overwhelmed and/or self-loathing. Not much I can do about the latter, though they often compliment each other anyhow. Before my anxiety goes full throttle, I need to remove myself from the stressful situation; I take walks while listening to music to accomplish this. And if I can't go for a walk for whatever reason, I go to another part of the house and listen to music. As far as the remaining scars, I just put vitamin E oil on them to help them fade. The reactions are almost non-existent for me. Haven't really noticed any stares or anything. The worst I get is from family members throwing "should've, could've" statements at me tbh.

 

[hiddenbpd]

For me, I only used to hurt myself when I feel overwhelmed and/or self-loathing. Not much I can do about the latter, though they often compliment each other anyhow. Before my anxiety goes full throttle, I need to remove myself from the stressful situation; I take walks while listening to music to accomplish this. And if I can't go for a walk for whatever reason, I go to another part of the house and listen to music. As far as the remaining scars, I just put vitamin E oil on them to help them fade. The reactions are almost non-existent for me. Haven't really noticed any stares or anything. The worst I get is from family members throwing "should've, could've" statements at me tbh.

Thank you for your experience . I'm glad you've found what works for you. I'm doing what I can to learn healthier ways to cope. It's never been my main issue, but it's a byproduct from everything else.

 

[noaccount]

Idk I haven't really looked at it in terms of recovery or relapse, like, it's something I've done sometimes. It's a record of how things actually were - that stands in contradiction to how other people want to tell me that what's happening is okay.

I found this zine helpful but as a content note it is somewhat graphic, so view at one's own discretion.

https://www.mmyc.ca/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/Hurting-Yourself.pdf

 

[43721]

What helped me stop(for the most part)is that it became too stressful to keep hiding it from my family.I live at home with my mum and the constant fear of my sleeve rolling up and her seeing what I've done to myself again,caused me so much anxiety,that the gaps between each time I did it got longer,and then it was easier to go without it for longer periods of time before I relapsed again.The scars have ruined my life,I wore long sleeves for 9 years straight,even in my own bedroom because I was scared that someone might walk in and see my arms.My family have reacted badly to my scars,that's why I hid it from them for so long.I sweated through 30 degrees celsius every year and watched everyone else walk around in short sleeves while I felt like I was going to be sick because of the heat.I put up with that because I thought I deserved it for what I had done.I thought that sick people like me deserved to suffer.Eventually I realised that I couldn't live that way anymore and I got a tattoo over the worst scars and now I wear short sleeves all the time(except when it's freezing cold).There are days where I regret getting the tattoo because now I can't self harm on that arm anymore and I hate that option being taken away from me,but at least I didn't have to cover up my arms during the last few heat waves so that's something I guess.

 

[hiddenbpd]

What helped me stop(for the most part)is that it became too stressful to keep hiding it from my family.I live at home with my mum and the constant fear of my sleeve rolling up and her seeing what I've done to myself again,caused me so much anxiety,that the gaps between each time I did it got longer,and then it was easier to go without it for longer periods of time before I relapsed again.The scars have ruined my life,I wore long sleeves for 9 years straight,even in my own bedroom because I was scared that someone might walk in and see my arms.My family have reacted badly to my scars,that's why I hid it from them for so long.I sweated through 30 degrees celsius every year and watched everyone else walk around in short sleeves while I felt like I was going to be sick because of the heat.I put up with that because I thought I deserved it for what I had done.I thought that sick people like me deserved to suffer.Eventually I realised that I couldn't live that way anymore and I got a tattoo over the worst scars and now I wear short sleeves all the time(except when it's freezing cold).There are days where I regret getting the tattoo because now I can't self harm on that arm anymore and I hate that option being taken away from me,but at least I didn't have to cover up my arms during the last few heat waves so that's something I guess.

That sounds really hard. I'm sorry you struggled so much. It's unfortunate that sometimes what keeps us going, is what's the most frowned upon. You're an inspiration though. I'm really proud of you for overcoming the fear of judgment, and realizing you don't deserve to have to restrict what you wear , the same way you didn't deserve to feel so low where that became the coping mechanism. I guess the tattoo is a round about way of trying to remind yourself to find healthier coping options. Thank you for taking time to share your story .

 

[never mind me]

I must admit I haven't completely stopped self harming, sometimes I still cut mywelf around my private parts. But it's not nearly as often as it used to be and I don't burn the undersites of my feet with cigarette butts any more like I used to do when I was younger. I didn't actively try to stop self harming as I think that I have the right to do whatever I wish to my body. But the desire to self harm got less when my self hatred decreased. And at some point I decided that I could at least stop burning the undersites of my feet, because the blisters from the burns are quite annoying when doing sports. It also helped that at some point I decided not to have casual sex any more, because it meant, that I didn't have to worry any more about leaving permanent scars around my private parts. So it gave me more freedom with my cutting and therefore I was able to give up burning the undersites of my feet.
I don't have any scars that others identifiy as scars from self harm except for the ones around my private parts. Regarding these I simply told my boy-friend that I sometimes cut myself and I don't want to change anything about it nor do I want to discuss it with him and he can either accept this or find himself another girl-friend. This approach worked with both my current as well as my last boy-friend.

 

[wastingpotential]

i tend to detach myself whenever anybody noticed or brought up my scars, make it seem like it's not a big deal to me and pull off some "whatever" attitude, it's just a weird situation to be in whenever anybody decides to point out anybody's scars, sh or not :p

what stops me at times is usually my own overthinking, i constantly ask myself where would be the safest to do it and the easiest to hide until it healed and eventually my own thoughts would tire me out and i'd just give up, apart from that when i actually want to prevent myself from relapsing, writing down my feelings or the situation i'm in really helps. somehow thinking over things in this case is both my greatest friend and worst enemy. but hey if it helps it helps

 

[toro]

i stopped mostly because i saw how upset it made my mum after i cut too deep and panicked, she took away anything that i could hurt myself with and seemed heartbroken that i had even been doing it so long in the first place, right under her nose. maybe im just a massive softy but i hated seeing her sad

 

[body_snatcher]

I try to distract myself with other things but it's a struggle. I stop when I grow too tired of the bad feelings that usually comes after I realize I'm on a downward spiral going somewhere much worse than I am right now. Someone suggested I do it as self sabotage, since I don't do it to punish myself. It sounds bad but I try to find other outlets for pain like tattooing to hold me over. But I recently relapsed after a couple years so I'm in a similar spot with you right now.

 

[cassxtho]

Melt an ice cube on your skin when you get the urge. Its enough like self harm to help you wean yourself off of it.

 

[$crim]

idk if someone else mentioned it but
getting tattoos over my scars seriously helped. it hides the darker, more visible remains, and deters me from doing it again in fear of ruining the artwork with new scars.

 

[noaccount]

After starting this thread, the OP messaged me about how justified she was in restraining and forcing drugs into the bodies of non-consenting inmates in the hospital where she worked.

 

[jigsaw_falling]

to stop myself, i honestly just distract myself for as long as i can, to try to wait it out. being on my
phone, texting a friend about something random, just trying to immerse myself into something else, so sh doesn't feel at the front of my mind. a lot of my urges come at night/ in the evening, so i just try to tire myself out with doing other things, until i fall asleep without relapsing.

when it comes to ppls reactions, not many have actually seen my scars. i only have a few faint ones on my arm, but the majority of my visible scars are all over my thigh, hips, stomach, legs. so i don't wear shorts or skirts, because of body dysmorphia anyway.

 

[Nikalas]

I just stopped after a while, don't know why, then I hadn't relapsed in so long I didn't want to ruin my streak, if you want to stop I recommend using the app Im sober or whatever it's called, it helped me a lot