For the people who are leaving/CTB soon,,come let’s share our feelings!!!

[Abir_london]

So I'm ending it soon, I feel weird
Angry,empty
Stopped responding and meeting my friends
I no longer take care of myself eat healthy or go for a run
Stopped responding to people at work

It just feels like a dream!!!

but I keep thinking I have tried !!
Escaped my abusive family who tried to kill me ! I
Moved to a different country
Tried to build a new life

but I guess I run out of energy to fight

But what saddening me is all the beautiful places I'm yet to visit and the nice people I'm yet to meet,and the kids I'm yet to have !

 

[WaitingForTheBusInTh]

I've spent the last year and a half to two years being extremely depressed and suicidal. I was crying all the time. I was scared. I still dont really want to go through with it but I feel like I've reached a sort of acceptance.
I quit my godawful job and said if I cant get a job within a month I'm gone. I wound up giving myself another month. I still might get a job before then, in which case idk what I'll do. But at this point I've almost found a sort of relief in knowing it'll all be over soon and I wont have to deal with this anymore.
It still bothers me that my family is going to have to go through my death, but I've wrote out a non-legal will that'll set them up with some extra money.
I want to keep around because theres still things I want to do, like go back to Japan but with my roommate this time, play more games, watch more anime, pick up drawing again. But at the same time I'm relieved it'll be over soon. Provided I dont fail I guess lol

 

[Abir_london]

I've spent the last year and a half to two years being extremely depressed and suicidal. I was crying all the time. I was scared. I still dont really want to go through with it but I feel like I've reached a sort of acceptance.
I quit my godawful job and said if I cant get a job within a month I'm gone. I wound up giving myself another month. I still might get a job before then, in which case idk what I'll do. But at this point I've almost found a sort of relief in knowing it'll all be over soon and I wont have to deal with this anymore.
It still bothers me that my family is going to have to go through my death, but I've wrote out a non-legal will that'll set them up with some extra money.
I want to keep around because theres still things I want to do, like go back to Japan but with my roommate this time, play more games, watch more anime, pick up drawing again. But at the same time I'm relieved it'll be over soon. Provided I dont fail I guess lol

How old are you if I may ask? Is the depression the main reason?

 

[WornOutLife]

That's exactly my problem with CTB.
Whenever I think of it, I think of all the things I won't be able to see and have if I really go for it.
For instance, some dreams I have are to visit Japan and watch/read the ending of One Piece (which will be like in 20 years LOL).

Also, I don't want to have any children but I gotta admit I always wonder what they'd look like and how they'd cope with life.


Anyway, I'm sorry you wanna leave this world so soon. You seem a really nice person and I can guarantee than more than one person will miss you here.

 

[Abir_london]

That's exactly my problem with CTB.
Whenever I think of it, I think of all the things I won't be able to see and have if I really go for it.
For instance, some dreams I have are to visit Japan and watch/read the ending of One Piece (which will be like in 20 years LOL).

Also, I don't want to have any children but I gotta admit I always wonder what they'd look like and how they'd cope with life.


Anyway, I'm sorry you wanna leave this world so soon. You seem a really nice person and I can guarantee than more than one person will miss you here.

exactly it's painful to think of all the possibilities you may miss :/
But I guess that part of life!!!
Btw I couldn't help but notice you are Argentinian, my grandma is from there originally;) che!!

 

[WaitingForTheBusInTh]

How old are you if I may ask? Is the depression the main reason?

I'm 24. Depression is a reason, but also how I've never fit in and only had jobs that would hire literally anyone (worked at a fast food joint that hired a guy who got fired from his last store for sexually harassing a 16 year old). Im never valued and always run over. The world's doormat. I know I'm never going to have my own house or a decent landlord. I'm never going to have a decent job. I dont see the point in putting myself through another 60 ish years of this. That's the TL;DR

 

[Abir_london]

I'm 24. Depression is a reason, but also how I've never fit in and only had jobs that would hire literally anyone (worked at a fast food joint that hired a guy who got fired from his last store for sexually harassing a 16 year old). Im never valued and always run over. The world's doormat. I know I'm never going to have my own house or a decent landlord. I'm never going to have a decent job. I dont see the point in putting myself through another 60 ish years of this. That's the TL;DR

 

[iwanttodie000]

I'm feeling a lot of different emotions too. I feel relieved and a sense of peace knowing I've made the decision. My depression and anxiety is unbearable most times and I just hate the world, hate myself and just want out. I haven't been working for a long time after I lost my job last year and my mind tells me I can't and don't want to even work again. I have generally stopped taking care of myself, not that I ever did a good job of that anyways. There is very little I enjoy, but I do think about the few things I do as well as my parents and partner going thru my death. But I just can't keep on this cycle that leads to know where and I don't see anyway off this ride without ctb. Nothing will get better for me and I'll be better off dead. I just have to try and block out those other things and follow through, with my method, it should be a guarantee and I sure as hell hope I don't fuck it up. The other thing is there is so much to do to prepare and that can be overwhelming in getting the things necessary to complete ctb as well as all the other stuff to do to make it easier on my family/friends. It's tough. Just let there be peace.

 

[Abir_london]

I'm feeling a lot of different emotions too. I feel relieved and a sense of peace knowing I've made the decision. My depression and anxiety is unbearable most times and I just hate the world, hate myself and just want out. I haven't been working for a long time after I lost my job last year and my mind tells me I can't and don't want to even work again. I have generally stopped taking care of myself, not that I ever did a good job of that anyways. There is very little I enjoy, but I do think about the few things I do as well as my parents and partner going thru my death. But I just can't keep on this cycle that leads to know where and I don't see anyway off this ride without ctb. Nothing will get better for me and I'll be better off dead. I just have to try and block out those other things and follow through, with my method, it should be a guarantee and I sure as hell hope I don't fuck it up. Let there be peace.

I'm so sorry ,how old are you if I may ask?
F or M?
What the most thing that you gonna miss?

 

[iwanttodie000]

I'm so sorry ,how old are you if I may ask?
F or M?
What the most thing that you gonna miss?

37 M


The daily interactions with kind people that happen occasionally and driving/exploring places. I'll miss my partner and some of the fun things we do. I don't see my parents often, but I'll miss them. That's about it.

 

[it's_all_a_game]

I'm gonna die hopefully before this year is over. I just feel so disappointed with today's society and world, and I've suffered bullying, homelessness, no friends or boyfriend, etc. I wish I could stay alive, because there's so many great books to read, awesome music to listen to, and so on, but I can't take it anymore.

 

[reticen]

I am apathetic about the whole thing. I've been through all the emotional stuff already. Now I don't care. I may as well be planning a trip to the store.

 

[WornOutLife]

exactly it's painful to think of all the possibilities you may miss :/
But I guess that part of life!!!
Btw I couldn't help but notice you are Argentinian, my grandma is from there originally;) che!!

Haha you're grandma rocks!
Aguante Argentina carajo!! :D

 

[Tbest]

So I'm ending it soon, I feel weird
Angry,empty
Stopped responding and meeting my friends
I no longer take care of myself eat healthy or go for a run
Stopped responding to people at work

It just feels like a dream!!!

but I keep thinking I have tried !!
Escaped my abusive family who tried to kill me ! I
Moved to a different country
Tried to build a new life

but I guess I run out of energy to fight

But what saddening me is all the beautiful places I'm yet to visit and the nice people I'm yet to meet,and the kids I'm yet to have !

Hi im also going to ctb soon, what you just writed is almost my exact situation the only thing missing is escaping the abusive family something that covid made it pretty much difficult plus getting betrayed by someone i thought i could trust. I also started ignoring my friends but not because i didnt wanna but its more that i couldnt lie to them, telling them everything is alright when its really not. I have been living with a mask for years and i just couldnt act no more, like on the outside im happy while on the inside just have void and numbness .

 

[Abir_london]

Hi im also going to ctb soon, what you just writed is almost my exact situation the only thing missing is escaping the abusive family something that covid made it pretty much difficult plus getting betrayed by someone i thought i could trust. I also started ignoring my friends but not because i didnt wanna but its more that i couldnt lie to them, telling them everything is alright when its really not. I have been living with a mask for years and i just couldnt act no more, like on the outside im happy while on the inside just have void and numbness .

May I ask how old are you! And what's your chosen method?

 

[Tbest]

May I ask how old are you! And what's your chosen method?

24 and it will be partial, managed to find the sweet spot where it makes me go unconscious