moonmuse
Member
- Sep 30, 2025
- 60
idk what to do rn i am stuck in a mess before i order sn ..and idk how do i spend my days ..sleeping is also difficult
claracatchingthebus
Clara seems to be waiting for something. But what?
- Jun 22, 2025
- 384
I don't know if my suicide is soon, but i have sn but not ae. Getting ae is on the to do list.
I have another thread, Preparing for Living while Preparing for Dying at the same time, about my situation.
I created a routine. Many times, I don't follow it, but I try to follow it:
(this is just an example)
8-10: shower, breakfast, exercise, clean
10-12: any errands, bills, urgent matters
12-2: get one thing done off to do list
2-4: look for part-time job, apply to one place
4-6: writing
6-8: look for activities online to try to be more social
8-10: Internet, TV, radio, etc.
I am often not following it, sometimes things last longer than the designated hours or something important means nothing goes in the schedule order.
It's very hard to commit suicide. Many years ago, I tried to blow my head off with a gun, and my psyche just wouldn't let me do it. (I got the gun in my mouth, which incidentally is a terrible fucking way to try to do it, and just sort of could not go any further, like my "volition" just collapsed.) I tried to poison myself later, and failed, but managed to swallow the poison. It's really fucking hard to "successfully" commit suicide, and so it's good to consider, when planning, that suicide may not work or may not be psychologically possible.
I am likely at least 3 months if not years away from suicide. I very much doubt I'll be alive in 5 years, I think it's unlikely I'll be around in 3 years, there's some chance I'll be alive in a year. So, I may not fall into the category of "soon."
I really hope people avoid suicide when possible. Sometimes I see younger people on here trying to ctb without trying much to get better and question whether they tried enough things to improve. Some people do recover from depression. This is why I am very in favor of legal euthenasia, so a committee can reject an 18 year old who hasn't tried antidepressants or tried working and can reject a person just having a sudden setback in life but can accept someone who has tried many ways to get better and still wants to die. Sorrow should not need to be clandestine, but is for many because of the government - along with the unethical policies of the psychiatric and mental health industry.
Also @moonmuse I read through your old posts. You're only 19, still living at home. It sounds like you are just traumatized and depressed but could get better. Get noise cancelling headphonesif you can, find a way to move out, try to get therapy or if you can't afford it, try to go running an hour a day. I am pro-choice but it feels like you haven't tried to get better yet.
I have another thread, Preparing for Living while Preparing for Dying at the same time, about my situation.
I created a routine. Many times, I don't follow it, but I try to follow it:
(this is just an example)
8-10: shower, breakfast, exercise, clean
10-12: any errands, bills, urgent matters
12-2: get one thing done off to do list
2-4: look for part-time job, apply to one place
4-6: writing
6-8: look for activities online to try to be more social
8-10: Internet, TV, radio, etc.
I am often not following it, sometimes things last longer than the designated hours or something important means nothing goes in the schedule order.
It's very hard to commit suicide. Many years ago, I tried to blow my head off with a gun, and my psyche just wouldn't let me do it. (I got the gun in my mouth, which incidentally is a terrible fucking way to try to do it, and just sort of could not go any further, like my "volition" just collapsed.) I tried to poison myself later, and failed, but managed to swallow the poison. It's really fucking hard to "successfully" commit suicide, and so it's good to consider, when planning, that suicide may not work or may not be psychologically possible.
I am likely at least 3 months if not years away from suicide. I very much doubt I'll be alive in 5 years, I think it's unlikely I'll be around in 3 years, there's some chance I'll be alive in a year. So, I may not fall into the category of "soon."
I really hope people avoid suicide when possible. Sometimes I see younger people on here trying to ctb without trying much to get better and question whether they tried enough things to improve. Some people do recover from depression. This is why I am very in favor of legal euthenasia, so a committee can reject an 18 year old who hasn't tried antidepressants or tried working and can reject a person just having a sudden setback in life but can accept someone who has tried many ways to get better and still wants to die. Sorrow should not need to be clandestine, but is for many because of the government - along with the unethical policies of the psychiatric and mental health industry.
Also @moonmuse I read through your old posts. You're only 19, still living at home. It sounds like you are just traumatized and depressed but could get better. Get noise cancelling headphonesif you can, find a way to move out, try to get therapy or if you can't afford it, try to go running an hour a day. I am pro-choice but it feels like you haven't tried to get better yet.
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