Discussion For how long you been suicidal?

[oxymoron]

18 months here. Life is a joke. Keeps taking away from me, piece by piece. Ain't nothing left anymore.

 

[deck of cards]

Ever since I was 13, so that makes 15 years now.

 

[1kev]

On and off for 4 years now.

 

[Tasdevil]

I have been suicidal on and off for years now. I have Tried therapy and in the past two years it really hasn't done anything to help feel good Life really is a joke. I have just had enough now.

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

Since I was 14 it's been non-stop for 20 years I hate my life.

 

[CuddleHug]

Around 2 years now, I think. Active ideation, that is. Don't know for how many years prior to that where I did not wish to live. Probably on and off for 10 years or so. I wish I could go back to those times, because I still had hope things would get better. Now I don't.

Hugs~

 

[Nutshell]

Since I was 8.
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 9.

 

[ryla2090]

Hmmm...would be almost a year now.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

Since 1984..

 

[Carrotcake]

Passively for like 10 years, more actively for 5 years.

 

[gnomeboy17]

When I was about 9 I remember saying I was suicidal in class and getting told off, I didn't mean it that much, but since about then It's been like "I'd rather be dead but living is fine" then, when I was 13 it got pretty bad and I was like "I'd really like to be dead" and when I was about 15 it was "wow I'd like to kill myself" then since late December, it's been like "I am actually going to kill myself"

 

[Mr2005]

18 months here. Life is a joke. Keeps taking away from me, piece by piece. Ain't nothing left anymore.

I'm actually jealous 18 months could seem a long time to someone

 

[Keto]

I was diagnosed with depression for 12 years, when I was 19 years old. For the last 3 years I feel suicidal almost every day, although I'm taking antidepressants and psychiatric sessions.

 

[Mr2005]

Around 2 years now, I think. Active ideation, that is. Don't know for how many years prior to that where I did not wish to live. Probably on and off for 10 years or so. I wish I could go back to those times, because I still had hope things would get better. Now I don't.

Hugs~

Same. I know I could have fixed my problems.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Had my first attempt at 14, I turned 30 yesterday and it's been on and off since my first attempt. So 16 years.

 

[ForensicallyAware]

Since November 1999

 

[Marktheghost]

About 22 years.

 

[BeGone]

For around 12 years, but with different intensity during that period.

 

[Rue89]

10 years. It started freshman year of high school because of depression, anxiety, and getting bullied. Now its mainly because of anxiety.

 

[Somebodylied]

Since my first couple attempts till now, so I'd say almost 7 years on and off.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Since I was about 12 so 35 years... Although was self harming before 12,but I think 12 is the age where I decided I didn't want to be here anymore.

 

[Majin K.]

Ever since I was roughly 12.

I was diagnosed with depression for 12 years, when I was 19 years old. For the last 3 years I feel suicidal almost every day, although I'm taking antidepressants and psychiatric sessions.

I'll be honest with you. Even if I had antidepressants I would want to die. Needing antidepressants to be happy in the first place, essentially being reliant on drugs that sugarcoat the world would be even more reason to CTB for me.

 

[Lastravel]

First suicidal idea came 7 years ago, first impulsive attempt came 5 y.a. but most of time no suicidal ideas or what so ever. I just want to not live anymore for multiple reasons.

 

[Eurus]

1998 when I first told my mom I was going to kill myself in the bathtub so she wouldn't have a big mess to clean up,am 29 now...birthday is coming up next month...I'm scared of 30

 

[Ardesevent]

Since I was 12. I'm happy about the fact that I got to live some of my childhood normally before I got to this point though.

 

[Indieblue]

I contemplated jumping off my window when i was around 10. So i guess it has been around 18 years i guess.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Didn't realize it until 14 but for really as long as I can remember especially during panic attacks I had as a child as early as 6 or 7. (I didn't know they were panic attacks at the time)

 

[AlreadyGone]

Since the Summer of last year

 

[LMLN]

Actively suicidal for almost a year. Passively though for 5 to 7 years. I've just realized now about the passive phase.

 

[SneekUponIt]

Since the world was sold to the man. Or is it The Man Who Sold The World. Even fame can't save people like Kurt Cobain and distract him enough from wanting to CTB. How are us normal peasants supposed to stomach daily life...especially if you suffer from an invisible illness or several, and had no idea how to cope with being a responsible adult, coming from a broken home.

Truth is I'm not sure how long I've been suicidal; but it's been a long time since I felt comfortable anywhere and I've been back and forth throughout my country trying to outrun my impulses. It kinda helps a bit with a change of scenery, but being in another 'shadow' situation where I'm just alive to keep someone company isn't bearable. I came out to this place to drop my pet cat off anyway(I think?), I didn't knowingly expect my Ex to suddenly show any concern for the visible signs that I'm well beyond acquiring, planning...He can't even tell I'm anxious to the point it spirals into paranoia or when I get depressed. I had a flashback last week, and it could have ended dangerously as I forgot to tell him to stay away from me if I'm suddenly behaving oddly.

I was subconsciously hoping to see the light by moving out of the city I was living in with some obnoxious roomies. But now I remember why I left him. He used to think the same damn thing. All my traumatic memories were fairytales and MDD doesn't exist; it was him making me depressed and anxious. I think he believes in PTSD now that I had a flashback though, or maybe he thinks I just wanted to attack him for fun out of nowhere?

PS: Sorry if this is scattered and everything. I didn't know my subconscious was trying to keep me alive. I've been headfucked by this realization, so now it may take a month or two until I'm clearheaded enough to properly coordinate everything with a pact. My social phobia is off the charts right now, I have to do a lot of meditation to get into the proper mindset again.