Cloud Busting
Formerly pinkribbonscars
- Sep 9, 2023
- 549
This is hard. I prefer to help other people. I think it's my escape so I don't have to think about myself. Looking in the mirror, introspecting, it lends itself to seeing the dark and ugly parts of myself. I get lost in helping others. It's also how I gain my worth; Being selfless. Helping others. Being of use. Who am I if I'm not helping others? Maybe it's because I'm terrified to know myself.
I cannot help others and currently need to be helped and I hate it. I hate letting people help me. I hate being alone with myself, working on myself, facing my demons. It makes me feel selfish to do so. But again I think it's that I'm afraid of myself. And using others as a means to an end, as pet projects to boost my identity and worth, as disposables, it's ironically selfish.
I worry about becoming self absorbed and losing my compassion for others, but I know I need to help myself before I can help others. So yes, I'm going to take a break, disconnect, and focus on me.
It will be painful. It will hurt. But hopefully I can become integrated and whole.
I cannot help others and currently need to be helped and I hate it. I hate letting people help me. I hate being alone with myself, working on myself, facing my demons. It makes me feel selfish to do so. But again I think it's that I'm afraid of myself. And using others as a means to an end, as pet projects to boost my identity and worth, as disposables, it's ironically selfish.
I worry about becoming self absorbed and losing my compassion for others, but I know I need to help myself before I can help others. So yes, I'm going to take a break, disconnect, and focus on me.
It will be painful. It will hurt. But hopefully I can become integrated and whole.
