![Ash](/data/avatars/l/31/31439.jpg?1633463768)
Ash
What dreams may come?
- Oct 4, 2021
- 1,517
Not really sure what to write as my head doesn't feel screwed on properly but this morning I keep getting flashbacks to the targeted homophobia I experienced last year, and I'm starting to wonder if that's continuing this year from someone else but in a different way (silent treatment). It's also triggering the homophobic violence and abuse and threats I've experienced in the past.
I'm trying to hold things together and not make an impulsive suicide attempt as I've done that already in the last week and like I always say to people on here, it doesn't work. But I have self harmed already this morning and it's only ten o'clock.
I know I've just got to ride it out, that never mind what one part of my brain is telling me, that these are memories not current events but part of what's getting to me is the lack of understanding from other people. None of the LGBTQ+ people I know have experienced anything directly in years and straight people are sympathetic but don't and can't understand the fear of wondering if the person who looks at you for too long in the shop is going to say something, maybe in the car park where it's quiet.
Just hoping there's someone on here who understands.
I'm trying to hold things together and not make an impulsive suicide attempt as I've done that already in the last week and like I always say to people on here, it doesn't work. But I have self harmed already this morning and it's only ten o'clock.
I know I've just got to ride it out, that never mind what one part of my brain is telling me, that these are memories not current events but part of what's getting to me is the lack of understanding from other people. None of the LGBTQ+ people I know have experienced anything directly in years and straight people are sympathetic but don't and can't understand the fear of wondering if the person who looks at you for too long in the shop is going to say something, maybe in the car park where it's quiet.
Just hoping there's someone on here who understands.