First time posting

[MarchFog]

As stated in the title, this is my first post. I've been lurking here on SS for about a month now, reading, soaking in information.
I finally decided to make an account, because I adore this community, even from afar.

Last year in October I found out I was pregnant and was very excited, as this was something I had been trying for seven years with no success. I carried my daughter for five months and when March 16th arrived I gave birth. She was extremely premature and lived for fifteen days in a little box in the NICU before passing.
I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest and I have been struggling ever since. This grief is the worst thing I've ever felt. I have no desire to continue on with my life. I have expressed my desire to die to those close to me and all I receive are, "You have to live for her." "You need therapy and medication." "You need grief counseling." ect.
I do not want those things. I want to be with my daughter. It's my only desire.
I've read over the night night mega thread and I think it's my preferred method. If that fails I believe my next step will be partial hanging. I have experimented with both.

I don't know what else to say, but that I'm happy I'm here and finally a member.

 

[Againstthewind]

Welcome to the community!
I saw your post in the approval queue, and I wanted to specifically reply to this and say how truly sorry I am at your situation, it is indeed tragic, and indescribable. Grief is a time frame that we look at the start of the struggle and think 'man how am I gonna get through this, and when will it end?' even towards the end sometimes, the grace can be stronger then the struggle we go through. That on top of toxic positivity that is vomited all around you. You dont need anyone to tell you how to feel or how to walk through the storm, only YOU do, no one else. You do it your way.

I hope you are able to find some comfort here to be able to express yourself without judgement.

Dm's are always open with myself if you want to vent or get angry.

I hope one day you are able to reunite with her :)

 

[MarchFog]

Welcome to the community!
I saw your post in the approval queue, and I wanted to specifically reply to this and say how truly sorry I am at your situation, it is indeed tragic, and indescribable. Grief is a time frame that we look at the start of the struggle and think 'man how am I gonna get through this, and when will it end?' even towards the end sometimes, the grace can be stronger then the struggle we go through. That on top of toxic positivity that is vomited all around you. You dont need anyone to tell you how to feel or how to walk through the storm, only YOU do, no one else. You do it your way.

I hope you are able to find some comfort here to be able to express yourself without judgement.

Dm's are always open with myself if you want to vent or get angry.

I hope one day you are able to reunite with her :)

I can't possibly express to you in words alone just how much this message means to me. The toxic positivity and the uncomfortable "I'm sorry"s are something I cannot take anymore when they're coupled by telling me things will get better. It feels refreshing to be in a place where I can openly express my grief and no one try to push that narrative onto me.

Thank you for offering a listening ear. It means a lot.
And yes, one day my girl will be in my arms again. Thank you so much for thinking about me and responding to my first post.

 

[Ε. Η. R.]

MarchFog
I'm so sorry that this world is so unfair.
I started crying. I feel so sorry for you.

 

[ThisUnrest]

Im so incredibly sorry for your loss. It must be a waking nightmare. The empty platitudes everyone throws at you when someone so close dies are just terrible. "It will get better" "It's okay to not be okay" Such stupid sayings. They only make you feel even more alone and misunderstood. Meanwhile all you can think of is wanting to be gone. I hope you find peace and comfort at SS. It's a very unique place, as you know. Love to you.

 

[DeadlineDialer]

Welcome.

Your story is touching and I found it eloquently spoken. I may never experience such a loss, yet I felt a visceral stab to my heart at the mere thought. One thing I have experienced is the feeling of wanting to put it all behind, hearing the walkaround about getting "help". It's even more tiring when people try to pawn you off to some therapist or medicine of sort. Sometimes it feels there's nothing left to be "fixed", the solution just lies on the other side. It's egregious what life has done to you, I hope you can find some peace of mind here in this community and put yourself at ease by speaking openly with the likeminded. Love forever

 

[MarchFog]

Welcome.

Your story is touching and I found it eloquently spoken. I may never experience such a loss, yet I felt a visceral stab to my heart at the mere thought. One thing I have experienced is the feeling of wanting to put it all behind, hearing the walkaround about getting "help". It's even more tiring when people try to pawn you off to some therapist or medicine of sort. Sometimes it feels there's nothing left to be "fixed", the solution just lies on the other side. It's egregious what life has done to you, I hope you can find some peace of mind here in this community and put yourself at ease by speaking openly with the likeminded. Love forever

Sorry for such a late reply. That's exactly how I feel though; Like I'm being pawned off on a professional, because people don't know how to\want to deal with my emotions and grief, which I guess I can't be mad at them for? I don't know. Emotions are hard to deal with and work through.