First thought of the day is I want to die

[Idontmatter]

My first thought of the morning is I want to die. I have to do this soon. I can't take this much longer

 

[Kennish]

Me too

 

[Bigpink]

Each day I wake up wishing I wasn't here

 

[Idontmatter]

I keep staring at the bottle of sn I have and am just thinking about what it will feel like to take it and hopefully just die with little suffering. I haven't finished planning yet but this might be sooner now. Sorry I had to vent this morning. This stuff better work because I'm better off dead then alive.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Can relate to this. Just got up about 45 minutes ago and that was my very first thought like it is every morning. Unfortunately it's not the weekend, so, cannot go back to sleep. Have to go to work and be "human" even though I feel like a very poor imitation of one. Oh well. Hopefully on New Years Eve at midnight I will be drinking my SN.

 

[Idontmatter]

Can relate to this. Just got up about 45 minutes ago and that was my very first thought like it is every morning. Unfortunately it's not the weekend, so, cannot go back to sleep. Have to go to work and be "human" even though I feel like a very poor imitation of one. Oh well. Hopefully on New Years Eve at midnight I will be drinking my SN.

Im lucky at least I work from home for now. My sn better work because every day gets more and more unbearable with suicidal thoughts and more of me hating myself. Right now I just want to swallow a huge spoonful of it and be done. Sorry for venting.

 

[marinekiwi]

Same for me as well. The first thought in the morning and the last one before I sleep.
I have my SN ready in the shelf but can't decide on a date. Some inner voice keeps telling me that "things will get better". Wish I could trust it.

 

[Idontmatter]

Same for me as well. The first thought in the morning and the last one before I sleep.
I have my SN ready in the shelf but can't decide on a date. Some inner voice keeps telling me that "things will get better". Wish I could trust it.

I tried to get help last month but the week I spent in a mental facility didn't help at all. This is my first only option now

 

[avoid_slow_death]

No need to apologize. Pretty sure everyone discussing in this thread currently is pretty tired of their lives so we can relate to how you feel. It's tiring trying to make the effort to "be better" and you just can't. All you want is rest.

 

[marinekiwi]

I've also tried to get help multiple times but it always end up with some physician prescribing me benzos and being told to "just relax".
Well, society is fucked and had their chance i guess. Very few people truly understand what is it like to be in constant distress.
Hope you all find the peace you're looking for.

 

[Idontmatter]

No need to apologize. Pretty sure everyone discussing in this thread currently is pretty tired of their lives so we can relate to how you feel. It's tiring trying to make the effort to "be better" and you just can't. All you want is rest.

It's of force of habit I always apologize. I always feel like I'm in the way because I'll always depressed so I always apologize. Hopefully the sn I have is legit and I won't be in the way for long. I hate to die alone but it's going to end up that way probably anyway. I just want to eat a spoonful of sn right now.. lol

 

[avoid_slow_death]

It's of force of habit I always apologize. I always feel like I'm in the way because I'll always depressed so I always apologize. Hopefully the sn I have is legit and I won't be in the way for long. I hate to die alone but it's going to end up that way probably anyway. I just want to eat a spoonful of sn right now.. lol

I get that. Used to do it all the time myself. I just have reached a point where I am mostly indifferent so I don't apologize much anymore.

All that said, don't do the SN impulsively. Have a higher chance of failure if you do. Stick with a strict regiment and plan and your success rates should dramatically increase.

 

[deathisnear]

I absolutely feel the same way every single morning. The second I wake up, the thoughts start. If I wake up in the middle of the night, no going back to sleep because the thoughts just rage. I can't wait to pull the trigger and end this fucking shit life. I feel you.

 

[Idontmatter]

I get that. Used to do it all the time myself. I just have reached a point where I am mostly indifferent so I don't apologize much anymore.

All that said, don't do the SN impulsively. Have a higher chance of failure if you do. Stick with a strict regiment and plan and your success rates hold dramatically increase.

Yeah, I'm making my plan. My big concern is that I don't have anything for anti-nausea so hopefully it I fast long enough then I'll absorb enough to kill ne before I vomit. I'll be in a hotel (leaving money for cleanup) that I'm booking for a couple of days so no one will find me until I've passed. If I don't succeed I'll be locked up in a psych ward and my husband I'm sure will be pissed off so there is no choice but to succeed. My anxiety is going crazy thinking about what could go wrong.
OMG- I'm trying to work and my anxiety is skyrocketing because all I can think about is my suicide and everything that can go wrong since I won't be able to get all of the meds recommended to go with the sn. I hate this. I just want be done and just finally die.

 

[Idontmatter]

Same for me as well. The first thought in the morning and the last one before I sleep.
I have my SN ready in the shelf but can't decide on a date. Some inner voice keeps telling me that "things will get better". Wish I could trust it.

I'm getting more and more tempted to do it soon.

 

[apathetic.]

It's been going on for too long now. When will it be over :/

 

[deadverysoon]

My first thought of the morning is I want to die. I have to do this soon. I can't take this much longer

i know what you mean - i wake up and think about jumping in front of a train.

that would be more easy - bevause they would hunt me when i break out of this fucking psych ward.

its torture every single day and the problems are getting bigger and bigger.

 

[farakini]

It's the same for me, especially since I have no job to go to….no friends….don't talk to my family and I don't leave my house…..I pretty much live inside my head and it's just a constant feeling of anxiety….I either take my painkiller to put me to sleep or just binge-watch tv until it's nighttime.

 

[deadverysoon]

It's the same for me, especially since I have no job to go to….no friends….don't talk to my family and I don't leave my house…..I pretty much live inside my head and it's just a constant feeling of anxiety….I either take my painkiller to put me to sleep or just binge-watch tv until it's nighttime.

yes - and the most frustrating thing is that you will never get what would help you out of the misery. so its killed by society i would say.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, that is my first thought as well. I am tired of waking up. Every night I hope to die peacefully in my sleep. That is the type of death that I deserve, I should not have to resort to methods that could fail. Being alive really is horrible. I wish I was never born in the first place. The only thing I have to look forward to is death. Death is comforting to me as only then there will be true peace and no more suffering.