First post

[unfair]

Hi, so this is my first post but I have been following you guys for a while and your love and support is unmatchable.
So about me, I'm 29, attractive,nice house that I own, nice car, great job, supportive family, literally everything on the outside is damn near perfect.
But I'm emotionally miserable. The physical pain I feel from emotions each day causes me to think I'm going to have a heart attack. I've been wanting to ctb since I was 10 and just recently it's gotten unbearable. I've tried before and failed so that's why I've come here, to be able to carefully plan it out so there is no chance of failure.
But am I being crazy? I have a great life that I'm miserably stuck in. Am I just being a sob story?

 

[rt1989526]

Seems like your situation is worth saving if you can figure it out. My advice to you is do NOT turn to mind altering medications, they ruined my life and are why I'm here.

 

[Nymph]

emotional pain is legit and just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. I'm in a similar place like you because I have a caring family but I'm still suicidal on top of having mental health problems. Not sure if you already tried that but you can first start out with some kind of meditation/finding a new hobby or whether and if that doesn't help you can move on to trying to find some professional help and maybe try out some meds that could help you manage your emotions. I'm on meds and they do suppress my emotions a lot and I actually feel kind of empty and emotionless. Try finished something in between...
Not too extreme ya know. Or something else you could do is try some lighter drugs? Like weed/ctb/Kratom to ease your emotions.

Seems like your situation is worth saving if you can figure it out. My advice to you is do NOT turn to mind altering medications, they ruined my life and are why I'm here.

What medication is mind altering? I mean most meds change chemicals in your brain.. but which ones cause you problems?

 

[rt1989526]

Stay. Away.From.Prescription.Medications.

They will change you forever there is no going back!!!!

 

[BPD Barbie]

Welcome to the forum ❤ at the end of the day, you feel how you feel. Emotional pain is real and it's horrible to suffer. Material things don't fix pain like it. I'm sorry you feel this way though and that it's brought you to this forum.

Stay. Away.From.Prescription.Medications.

They will change you forever there is no going back!!!!

Meds get a bad rep on this forum. They work well for some, I've had nothing but overly good experiences on them and they have done me some good, but I know it's not the same for everyone. But still, I don't think they should be discouraged. Everyone will react differently when on meds and it should be a personal decision.

 

[Superdeterminist]

No, feelings are legitimate. Your brain is doing something to give you those ill feelings. But how to eliminate those negative thoughts/feelings and become happy again? If we only knew. Meds may help, therapy may help, a life-changing experience may help, but really we're still in dire need of better solutions. We know that people can be unhappy even if their circumstances are seemingly very positive, it's all about the mind.

 

[rt1989526]

Welcome to the forum ❤ at the end of the day, you feel how you feel. Emotional pain is real and it's horrible to suffer. Material things don't fix pain like it. I'm sorry you feel this way though and that it's brought you to this forum.

Meds get a bad rep on this forum. They work well for some, I've had nothing but overly good experiences on them and they have done me some good, but I know it's not the same for everyone. But still, I don't think they should be discouraged. Everyone will react differently when on meds and it should be a personal decision.

Fair enough. I just feel obligated to warn others after what happened to me. I wasnt properly informed about the side effects and now it's too late.

emotional pain is legit and just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. I'm in a similar place like you because I have a caring family but I'm still suicidal on top of having mental health problems. Not sure if you already tried that but you can first start out with some kind of meditation/finding a new hobby or whether and if that doesn't help you can move on to trying to find some professional help and maybe try out some meds that could help you manage your emotions. I'm on meds and they do suppress my emotions a lot and I actually feel kind of empty and emotionless. Try finished something in between...
Not too extreme ya know. Or something else you could do is try some lighter drugs? Like weed/ctb/Kratom to ease your emotions.

What medication is mind altering? I mean most meds change chemicals in your brain.. but which ones cause you problems?

SSRI antidepressants. The side effects have been devastating for me. I just feel obligated to warn others since I wasn't properly warned.

 

[unfair]

Omg you guys have come through and it makes me feel... overwhelmed by love. I don't know how and don't have the emotional capacity to reply individually so hopefully this works. I've done therapy most of my life. I'm actually on meds that are helping right now. Funny enough, I have a degree in psychology and practice. So I know all the "ways to cope, retraining your mind, hobbies, facing your demons" I help people get better but I can't.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I've been wanting to ctb since I was 10

Sorry to hear about how miserable you're feeling.
Did you have any negative childhood experiences?
Do you remember what caused you to first want to ctb?

 

[BPD Barbie]

Funny enough, I have a degree in psychology and practice. So I know all the "ways to cope, retraining your mind, hobbies, facing your demons" I help people get better but I can't.

I feel you. I worked in emergency medicine until earlier this year, I could fix other people and not even think twice about it. But when it came to myself I was totally lost and had no idea. Glad to hear the meds are helping. They of course, as you know, won't fix the problems but they sure take the edge off a little.

 

[unfair]

I have noticed that the people that are ctb are the sweetest, most loyal and supportive group of people I have ever seen and it totally sucks that we can't have these people live on and share their love with the world. If the world could love and support like this group does, I don't think any of us would be in this situation.

Sorry to hear about how miserable you're feeling.
Did you have any negative childhood experiences?
Do you remember what caused you to first want to ctb?

Yes and no. I didn't have a great childhood but both my parents loved me deeply. They sucked as parents though. But now that I'm grown, I understand. The first time I wanted to ctb, I was 10 and I didn't even realize really what I was feeling but I knew I didn't want to be here.

I feel you. I worked in emergency medicine until earlier this year, I could fix other people and not even think twice about it. But when it came to myself I was totally lost and had no idea. Glad to hear the meds are helping. They of course, as you know, won't fix the problems but they sure take the edge off a little.

They do help for me to not have a mental breakdown but it doesn't help overall. I'm so very bubbly and happy and give help so many but I can't do it for myself. I'm so happy to find someone who has gone through the same thing. I hope you've found your happiness!

 

[Painless_end]

Sorry for your pain