First post, and may be the last; co methodà

[couwam]

Hello folks,

First of all, thanks for this community that i get to write my last words in this world and share them with you.

I will be going with co method in a remote woods. i already have everything set up and i am just enjoying my last few hours in a riverbay park before i ride my beloved bike to my resting place. Its amazing just seeing people exercising around me brings so much peace in my mind, and yet on the other hand, so much saddness...i wish i could be like them, so free and so careless at this moment.

I've always thought that my existence in this life has some meaning, and i've always tried hard to be a good person and set a high stanard for myself. For the past few years i have become extremly unhappy with my company and few other work related problems. Last month my senses snapped and i left without saying goodbye the job i had worked very hard for the last 15 years because i saw no future in it and the pay barely kept up with the life style i enjoy. So now i am facing both legal issues with the work and financial trouble at personal end.

I've thought it, if i ask help from friends and family i might get by for the short run, but i just cant see where i will be in the long run, plus i am just too proud of myself to ask others for help...i guess i just cant stand the thought that people from now on will see me as a failure that i decided to end it before everything break out.

I guess i will be missed by a few family members and friends, however, i think they should be getting over with it very soon and moving on with their lives. I wish to say sorry to them here for any trouble i might cause for my leaving because i dont have the courage to say it to them personally; i love you and thank you for being part of my life.

I really wish that i could see what i can accomplish this life, but i am at the point of no return and this will be my last and the greatest regret in this life.

I will be cutting off all communication in 8 hours. Thanks for whomever is reading this. I wish you all can some day find your own peace of mind and be happy where you will be in your life.

 

[randomz]

I am sorry life brought you to this place, but have you thought about the possiblity of you finding a better job and resoving your money problem. Maybe at least try getting better and start feeling like the people you mentioned exercising? I hope everything turns out great for you :)

 

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Love and peace to you , hope everything works out as you wish x

 

[couwam]

I am sorry life brought you to this place, but have you thought about the possiblity of you finding a better job and resoving your money problem. Maybe at least try getting better and start feeling like the people you mentioned exercising? I hope everything turns out great for you :)

Thank you for reading the post. The situation is bit more complicated. Although the pay is not good, my work at the company was very important one. There are some senstive clients materials invovlved. So my leaving will cause some tens of thousands, if not million, damages to my company's goodwill alone and i know my company will not go easy on me. And i have been refusing to contact them because i have so much hatre for them, or rather myself for not leaving the company when i should so long ago.

I think i am already too tired to think there is any other possibility for me but to end it all.

Once again, i thank you for your kind words, its been so long since i last let other people know my thoughts, i guess i shouldnt hold back at this moment, right?

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey luv..I'm so sorry to hear u have been brought to this..

I'm racking my brain trying to figure out another option...tho I know U have already done that...I wish there was something I could say or do to help u..

Plz continue to talk/vent to us..

 

[couwam]

Hey luv..I'm so sorry to hear u have been brought to this..

I'm racking my brain trying to figure out another option...tho I know U have already done that...I wish there was something I could say or do to help u..

Plz continue to talk/vent to us..

By listening to me at my last few hours you are already helping a ton. Thank you. I really dont have the courage to talk to the people i know, i've always hold back my emotion infront of people i know. I though i will be going without saying goodbye to any one.

I've been walking in the park for the past two hours reflecting my life upon while at it. Ive always feared marriage. Few years ago i was in a relationship with a sweet whom is ready to spend the rest of her life with me; i found an execuse to break up with her. So much at this moment that i wish we had gotten married and walked along the road i just walked, we would be so happy. Yet, i know she has moved on and doing well and i am at the end of my journy. if everything happens for a good reason, i am glad that i let her go and i can go without guilt.

I am ready to go home to tidy up last few things, maybe watch a movie before i leave.

6 more hours to go

 

[Lostandfound7]

How about moving away maybe? Any family in another country?

Im sorry if these r bad ideas. I can hear the desperation in ur writing n like u have nowhere to turn..

And I understand u not being able to open up to ur fam all that is going on..totally understandable..we r here for u..feel free here to open up about anything with no judgement...

 

[itsmeagain]

Hello folks,

First of all, thanks for this community that i get to write my last words in this world and share them with you.

I will be going with co method in a remote woods. i already have everything set up and i am just enjoying my last few hours in a riverbay park before i ride my beloved bike to my resting place. Its amazing just seeing people exercising around me brings so much peace in my mind, and yet on the other hand, so much saddness...i wish i could be like them, so free and so careless at this moment.

I've always thought that my existence in this life has some meaning, and i've always tried hard to be a good person and set a high stanard for myself. For the past few years i have become extremly unhappy with my company and few other work related problems. Last month my senses snapped and i left without saying goodbye the job i had worked very hard for the last 15 years because i saw no future in it and the pay barely kept up with the life style i enjoy. So now i am facing both legal issues with the work and financial trouble at personal end.

I've thought it, if i ask help from friends and family i might get by for the short run, but i just cant see where i will be in the long run, plus i am just too proud of myself to ask others for help...i guess i just cant stand the thought that people from now on will see me as a failure that i decided to end it before everything break out.

I guess i will be missed by a few family members and friends, however, i think they should be getting over with it very soon and moving on with their lives. I wish to say sorry to them here for any trouble i might cause for my leaving because i dont have the courage to say it to them personally; i love you and thank you for being part of my life.

I really wish that i could see what i can accomplish this life, but i am at the point of no return and this will be my last and the greatest regret in this life.

I will be cutting off all communication in 8 hours. Thanks for whomever is reading this. I wish you all can some day find your own peace of mind and be happy where you will be in your life.

Hey sweetie, I know this is really difficult for you but I'm here smiling for you in the end... please find peace with what you're doing, love.

 

[Jean4]

Sending you lots of love. Know that if you want to talk about anything, we are here, and you aren't alone.

 

[couwam]

How about moving away maybe? Any family in another country?

Im sorry if these r bad ideas. I can hear the desperation in ur writing n like u have nowhere to turn..

And I understand u not being able to open up to ur fam all that is going on..totally understandable..we r here for u..feel free here to open up about anything with no judgement...

Actually, I grew up in Asia and had a very good childhood here. Then when i was 15 my whole family immigrated to the states. I also had a very good highschool life in the states which I wish i could go back in time and experiencing it again. After college and had been working a few years in the states, i decided to give up everything and moved back to my home country. Although i had accustomed to the life in the States, but deep inside I always had the notion that here is where i belong. As much as i fear marriage, uncertainty and not living up to other people's expectation is my greatest fear. I could always move back to the states, but i know i will be depending on my family for unforeseen period of time, and at this age (44) i know this will kill me inside of my mind.

Even with the situation i am currently in, I am very certain that i am at the place where i should be and i am happy here. I guess i have lost all hopes for life or not have the courage to face the future uncertainty. but like i said before, i am too tired now thinking about ways to get out this mess and go on with my life (after been thinking it constantly for the past 2 years).

Please do not apologize for anything, i am so glad that you take the time to read my post and respond to it. Its a pleasure exchanging words with you : )

 

[Lostandfound7]

I understand the feeling of not wanting to rely on any one..But my mom used to always say "No man is an island"..so no matter the age, we will always need someone..it's so hard for me to ask for help also so I understand..

However, it's OK if u need to go back home for a few n stay with a fam member. just to get settled, then u can move out..is that an available option?

 

[couwam]

Hey sweetie, I know this is really difficult for you but I'm here smiling for you in the end... please find peace with what you're doing, love.

thank you for all of your support and understanding. I am glad that i found this place and meeting you wonderful people. Take care and so long.

 

[couwam]

I understand the feeling of not wanting to rely on any one..But my mom used to always say "No man is an island"..so no matter the age, we will always need someone..it's so hard for me to ask for help also so I understand..

However, it's OK if u need to go back home for a few n stay with a fam member. just to get settled, then u can move out..is that an available option?

For so long i have been thinking about CTB if i dont live up to people (and mine) expectation. I remember in my second year of college i went into a drug store and bought a box of sleeping pills (I was young and thought that was enough to kill you) and carried it in my backpack to always remind me to give it all for everything i do and to become successful.

When i first moved to the states my dad gave me 200 dollars and i never asked for any money from my family since then (well and a 2000 dollars down payment for my first car). I started working part time in my sophomore year in high school and held 3 different jobs at one time to put myself throu college. I was never close to my family but i know they would be very supportive if i asked for help. I guess i am just too stubborn to seek help from anyone, in some way it is against my personal belief.

So back to that box of sleeping pills, I never believe that i can get by life by luck or by depending on other people, for everything i have to work hard to earn it, and i have worked hard for better part of my life; I have now accepted the fact that i failed in my life and i am destined to take my own life with that box of sleeping pills after all (except with co method now, lol).

So please do not worry about me, i am so ready for this : )

3 more hours to go and listening to my favorite songs

 

[Jumper Geo]

Hello folks,

First of all, thanks for this community that i get to write my last words in this world and share them with you.

I will be going with co method in a remote woods. i already have everything set up and i am just enjoying my last few hours in a riverbay park before i ride my beloved bike to my resting place. Its amazing just seeing people exercising around me brings so much peace in my mind, and yet on the other hand, so much saddness...i wish i could be like them, so free and so careless at this moment.

I've always thought that my existence in this life has some meaning, and i've always tried hard to be a good person and set a high stanard for myself. For the past few years i have become extremly unhappy with my company and few other work related problems. Last month my senses snapped and i left without saying goodbye the job i had worked very hard for the last 15 years because i saw no future in it and the pay barely kept up with the life style i enjoy. So now i am facing both legal issues with the work and financial trouble at personal end.

I've thought it, if i ask help from friends and family i might get by for the short run, but i just cant see where i will be in the long run, plus i am just too proud of myself to ask others for help...i guess i just cant stand the thought that people from now on will see me as a failure that i decided to end it before everything break out.

I guess i will be missed by a few family members and friends, however, i think they should be getting over with it very soon and moving on with their lives. I wish to say sorry to them here for any trouble i might cause for my leaving because i dont have the courage to say it to them personally; i love you and thank you for being part of my life.

I really wish that i could see what i can accomplish this life, but i am at the point of no return and this will be my last and the greatest regret in this life.

I will be cutting off all communication in 8 hours. Thanks for whomever is reading this. I wish you all can some day find your own peace of mind and be happy where you will be in your life.

Hello folks,

First of all, thanks for this community that i get to write my last words in this world and share them with you.

I will be going with co method in a remote woods. i already have everything set up and i am just enjoying my last few hours in a riverbay park before i ride my beloved bike to my resting place. Its amazing just seeing people exercising around me brings so much peace in my mind, and yet on the other hand, so much saddness...i wish i could be like them, so free and so careless at this moment.

I've always thought that my existence in this life has some meaning, and i've always tried hard to be a good person and set a high stanard for myself. For the past few years i have become extremly unhappy with my company and few other work related problems. Last month my senses snapped and i left without saying goodbye the job i had worked very hard for the last 15 years because i saw no future in it and the pay barely kept up with the life style i enjoy. So now i am facing both legal issues with the work and financial trouble at personal end.

I've thought it, if i ask help from friends and family i might get by for the short run, but i just cant see where i will be in the long run, plus i am just too proud of myself to ask others for help...i guess i just cant stand the thought that people from now on will see me as a failure that i decided to end it before everything break out.

I guess i will be missed by a few family members and friends, however, i think they should be getting over with it very soon and moving on with their lives. I wish to say sorry to them here for any trouble i might cause for my leaving because i dont have the courage to say it to them personally; i love you and thank you for being part of my life.

I really wish that i could see what i can accomplish this life, but i am at the point of no return and this will be my last and the greatest regret in this life.

I will be cutting off all communication in 8 hours. Thanks for whomever is reading this. I wish you all can some day find your own peace of mind and be happy where you will be in your life.

Sorry to hear you've come to the end and will ctb tonight, I wish you peace, you know there is nothing wrong with reaching out to family and friends for help, you will soon realise who your true family and friends are, but I respect whatever decision you make, you could try suing your old company. Best wishes.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Wow that is so commendable! U putting yourself thru school at that age..that is so far from being a failure..

U have made some mistakes, which we r all guilty of..

OK so u have done all that solo, so just asking for help now, I would think, is ok..u have done so much alone..plz ask for help..?

Can we use these few hrs to at least brainstorm some ideas?? I'm not busy..lol

 

[couwam]

Wow that is so commendable! U putting yourself thru school at that age..that is so far from being a failure..

U have made some mistakes, which we r all guilty of..

OK so u have done all that solo, so just asking for help now, I would think, is ok..u have done so much alone..plz ask for help..?

Can we use these few hrs to at least brainstorm some ideas?? I'm not busy..lol

Thank you all for being here, i have finished all last things here and will leave home in about 1 hour. I am rather calm right now. I have enjoyed life at some points of time that i think i couldnt be happier.

I will be posting my last goodbye shortly.

 

[Lost_the_will2_live]

Thank you all for being here, i have finished all last things here and will leave home in about 1 hour. I am rather calm right now. I have enjoyed life at some points of time that i think i couldnt be happier.

I will be posting my last goodbye shortly.

You could be happy again, take your time there is no rush to ctb. You seem very intelligent and understanding especially of yourself and your life. Take a breath and think about what your going to do and if it feels right. We are all here for you and always listening if you need an ear. Love x

 

[couwam]

Guys, its time. I am departing to the woods which is about 50 mins away from home.

As soon as i done posting i will immediately cut off all communications.

To all the kind people responding to the post, i have made sure to read every one of it before i post this. Thank you for your sincere support and advices, i took them very heartily.

If i am successful with my co attempt, i shouldnt be found for at least a few weeks. Of course, if for some bad luck i fail with my attempt, i will be sure to return here and inform you of the bad news

Its been a honor and privilege knowing you all even for such short period of time. Take good care and goodbye.

...Signing off