First appointment

[Tired_M]

So I went to my first psychiatric appointment, talked about how I feel, my past, etc... The basics I guess. They also changed some of my meds.

I really don't know how to feel about all of this. People (doctors, friends and family), keep asking me what I expect from medication and therapy, but I don't even have the answer to that question. I don't even think I can/want to "get better". I wasn't able to talk about the major events in my life, I don't think I will ever be able to talk about it. So for now, my psychiatrist wanna focus on minor events that I've learned to deal with before, because they don't know about the things that really make me suffer. I don't blame them for that, ofc, they're doing their job with what I gave them, that's all. I really feel cornered by my own mutism.

However, about my prescriptions, my Xanax was replaced by Nozinan (Levomepromazine), and found that it has an antiemetic effect. I'm gonna make some research to see if it can replace Meto, anyway, I might have been given the last drug I was missing to CTB. Only missing SN. "Funny", isn't it? Everything seems to drag me into killing myself. Heh.

 

[WhiteDespair]

If it's any consolation, I have no idea what I want out of therapy. I gave up on trying to figure it out and just go with the flow.

Sometimes you need to force yourself to be brutally honestbin therapy.

 

[Tired_M]

If it's any consolation, I have no idea what I want out of therapy. I gave up on trying to figure it out and just go with the flow.

Sometimes you need to force yourself to be brutally honestbin therapy.

I'd love to do that, stop trying to figure things out, but since I'm overthinking 24/7 I guess I can't help it. It only gets me frustrated, ugh. Also yeah, I know I should kick my own ass and say the things I have to say, it could even help other people I know, but I physically can't talk about it, my body won't let me say anything...

 

[WhiteDespair]

I'd love to do that, stop trying to figure things out, but since I'm overthinking 24/7 I guess I can't help it. It only gets me frustrated, ugh. Also yeah, I know I should kick my own ass and say the things I have to say, it could even help other people I know, but I physically can't talk about it, my body won't let me say anything...

Yep. You have to practice it. There are still many times when I want, or need, to say something and I either don't or say something noncommital or ambiguous. Both going with the flow and talking require some practice.

Honestly, CtB, knowing that I have that out, has helped calm me down, silence my thoughts and keeps me from getting too worked up at things. What's the worst that could happen? I go home and CtB.