T
Thatdude
Life is temporary, death is permanent
- Sep 26, 2019
- 472
So today for a few moments I gotten sick of my drunk sister. My sister decided to get drunk and her 5 year old, I have to take care of along with my parents. I spoke up against her because she was still coming in and out at midnight, and my dad started going off on me because he didn't want to deal with my sister going insane. Him saying it isn't my deal, I have a house I'm able to sleep in, and so on. I mentioned I'm the one who has to clean up after her. Then he started going off about me not having a job saying some bull shit about why don't I just apply to Walmart, and how he is holding shit together by him putting stupid hours in at his work.
Eventually it gotten to a point where I just walked away and went to my room. I sat on my bed thinking of ways how to off myself that second. I'm 100% sick of my life, I honestly gave it all I got to have a good life, but I found not even low end jobs really care to hire someone who is autistic. And the worse part about it is I actually believed and went through the bull shit of going to school for a degree in aerospace, IT, 2 other degrees. I went through the bull shit of dealing with all of that, and when I got done no one wants to hire me due to I'm "odd" or whatever. Literally I have been laughed out of fucking interviews before when I answered every damn answer right. Dealing with damn bullies in multiple jobs, and literally being fired from 1 on my first day due to my god damn autism. And having assholes like Temple Grandin giving this fuzzy bull shit when in reality autistic people are THE HIGHEST group to be unemployed and underemployed. Even more when they are educated and compared to other educated people with disabilities.
Anyways, I sat on my bed and started to think about what do I need to off myself. The outlet, maybe. But the fuse will blow before I die most likely. I could just take a knife to my throat. But I most likely will miss since I don't know what I'm doing, and it would damage the house. Plus blood dripping from the ceiling is a tail tail sign something is up. But I could do it in the shower so the blood goes down the drain. But even then if I do get caught before I die I most likely will make it harder in the future to find a way to die. Plus that isn't a peaceful way to go.
Based on what I have at hand, I'm kinda out of ideas.
Does anyone have a list of items needed for a debreather, and possibly where to get them? Like I have no idea where to get a can to put soda lime in.
Eventually it gotten to a point where I just walked away and went to my room. I sat on my bed thinking of ways how to off myself that second. I'm 100% sick of my life, I honestly gave it all I got to have a good life, but I found not even low end jobs really care to hire someone who is autistic. And the worse part about it is I actually believed and went through the bull shit of going to school for a degree in aerospace, IT, 2 other degrees. I went through the bull shit of dealing with all of that, and when I got done no one wants to hire me due to I'm "odd" or whatever. Literally I have been laughed out of fucking interviews before when I answered every damn answer right. Dealing with damn bullies in multiple jobs, and literally being fired from 1 on my first day due to my god damn autism. And having assholes like Temple Grandin giving this fuzzy bull shit when in reality autistic people are THE HIGHEST group to be unemployed and underemployed. Even more when they are educated and compared to other educated people with disabilities.
Anyways, I sat on my bed and started to think about what do I need to off myself. The outlet, maybe. But the fuse will blow before I die most likely. I could just take a knife to my throat. But I most likely will miss since I don't know what I'm doing, and it would damage the house. Plus blood dripping from the ceiling is a tail tail sign something is up. But I could do it in the shower so the blood goes down the drain. But even then if I do get caught before I die I most likely will make it harder in the future to find a way to die. Plus that isn't a peaceful way to go.
Based on what I have at hand, I'm kinda out of ideas.
Does anyone have a list of items needed for a debreather, and possibly where to get them? Like I have no idea where to get a can to put soda lime in.