Story Finding out if I'm finished

[Jdieiejdjaow]

So, I grew up in an abusive and neglectful household. My father alcoholic would get drunk whenever he'd come back from his months long voyaged and would spend a lot of money and cine at my mother. I was abused physically, sexually, emotionally and verbally as well as some religious trauma. My ace score is a 7 with just the bare bones old and outdated questionnaire.

With all of this I managed to get hired in tech and work my way and get help. Just when I thought I made it and was healed (good coping mechanisms and continuing the healing journey), I got retraumatized at work because of countertransference (incompetent therapist) from my therapist that I worked with and thought I was done doing therapy with (mostly).

Now, after losing everything, ending up homeless and on disability and having to put up with abuse from my roommate in the shelter where I live, I have this pain at the back of my head that doesn't go away no matter what. One of my doctors said it's somatic. And I agree with him (CT scan came clean).

I've a interview with one trauma therapist scheduled for next week. And I'm waiting to hear from another if she can work with me.

I'll find out whether there's any chance of recovery for me or if I'm too damaged. Got abandoned by my previous psychiatrists and therapists, and now only seeing doctors for a prescription to get my anti psychotic.

Have also been dealt a blow health wise with developing gastritis and thus having to restrict what I eat. Plus a possible surgery I'll have to undergo for removal of my gallbladder.

When I am abused by my roommate that's when I make progress in my plan to transition to the next stage of being.

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. I can especially relate to your issues with your health, as I also deal with chronic digestive problems. I'm glad that you've posted this on the recovery side of this site, I think it means you still have hope that things can improve for you. Think about the progress you made in the past despite your issues, and try to focus on moving forward again. We are hear to listen no matter what happens <3

 

[spectraltease]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can work with the desired people soon. How is social assistance in your country? Is there an option that you can go somewhere else?

Best wishes

 

[Jdieiejdjaow]

I kind of given up. Still going to have the 1 session with each therapist. If they accept to just chat.

Social assistance is poor. They give you enough money just to keep you above poverty line. Can't go anywhere else. I'm in the best shelter and in the only room with only two beds instead of four. You can imagine how conditions are in the other shelters where there's drugs consumption actively going and people that are even more unsafe.

I kind of made peace with the fact that I'll have to transition to the next stage of existence. Giving back to the universe the building blocks I was made out of. Unfortunate circumstances, yet it's the society who accept them and pushes them on the most vulnerable due to lacking resilience.

On this 27th, I'll talk with my doctors to stop the medication I'm on. I believe (based on my former trauma therapist's feedback) this was the culprit who made me abandon my first attempt.

Thanks all for your concern. Let's close this thread.