Help Finding courage to prepare and CTB

[SoulWhisperer]

Let's start off by saying that I have lost basically any hope in life and the only way out I can see is this. I've been postponing all my problems in life, saying "If I am goke first I won't have to deal with them after'". I know it may sound stupid, but I have given up on everything. I still have some time left.

Does anyone have any advice on how to prepare myself mentally, emotionally, psychologically or anything for CTB?

I have gotten over the possible aftermath of my action so morality isn't an issue here. What if I fear is that when the day will come I would have just not enough courage to carry it over or fear too much for the "physical damage" as I'm low-key very afraid of the pain/experience I'll feel. I hope it won't be an otherworldly painful experience as I have never underwent any catastrophic event in my life that would have injured me heavily.

I wonder if ruining my life on purpose, with all my might, once I'm close to the day, would drive me to a level of madness/despair strong enough to suppress my lucidity/sanity,

 

[hi-okbye]

i struggled with this a lot while trying to convince myself to ctb. the best thing is acceptance. it's hard to give advice on that, but i guess i'll try. i remember at first wondering how to suppress my feeling so i could just get through with it. after some time i realized that it doesn't work like that. in order to truly be ready to ctb you have to embrace your feeling of fear and stuff. accept that that's how you feel. now obviously i don't condone just destroying your life so you don't even have any need to live. BUT i must say, when i was suicidal but not enough to actually go through with it. i stayed in my house. days turned to weeks, weeks to months. and spending months in your house with barely any contact to anyone, it just mighttt help a little. i found that every day was the same thing, over and over and over again. i spend every day, even when i was too scared to ctb, researching methods. eventually i just became kinda dull, and ctb became something that would actually be interesting. something other than sitting in my room all day every day. so i just kept researching and researching until i became ready and tried. i obviously failed, so i tried again... and again.. and agai- you get the point. another thing i noticed, trying ctb several times has lowered the emotions i feel beforehand. nowadays, when i attempt i barely feel anything special, maybe a little excitement but that's it. so when you choose a method, just practicing the actions of said method in any way, might make it more comfortable to do, especially since you fear the action itself. it'll also give you practice to make sure you succeed when you need to.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

i struggled with this a lot while trying to convince myself to ctb. the best thing is acceptance. it's hard to give advice on that, but i guess i'll try. i remember at first wondering how to suppress my feeling so i could just get through with it. after some time i realized that it doesn't work like that. in order to truly be ready to ctb you have to embrace your feeling of fear and stuff. accept that that's how you feel. now obviously i don't condone just destroying your life so you don't even have any need to live. BUT i must say, when i was suicidal but not enough to actually go through with it. i stayed in my house. days turned to weeks, weeks to months. and spending months in your house with barely any contact to anyone, it just mighttt help a little. i found that every day was the same thing, over and over and over again. i spend every day, even when i was too scared to ctb, researching methods. eventually i just became kinda dull, and ctb became something that would actually be interesting. something other than sitting in my room all day every day. so i just kept researching and researching until i became ready and tried. i obviously failed, so i tried again... and again.. and agai- you get the point. another thing i noticed, trying ctb several times has lowered the emotions i feel beforehand. nowadays, when i attempt i barely feel anything special, maybe a little excitement but that's it. so when you choose a method, just practicing the actions of said method in any way, might make it more comfortable to do, especially since you fear the action itself. it'll also give you practice to make sure you succeed when you need to.

I suppose you're right, acceptance, coexistence and understanding, that's probably what I need.. at times I am too naive with my thoughts due to my emotions. One thing at a time I will try my best to sort everything out. Thank you,

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide really is too unnecessarily difficult, I imagine that many who succeeded had access to a suicide method that they felt confident in and they just got so determined to be free. I hate how existence doesn't come with an permanent offswitch where we can just easily escape from all the suffering in peace.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

For me it just took some time to go through all of the emotions that come with killing yourself. At some point my mind just said "it is what it is." The thought of killing myself used to bring up a full range of emotions. Now it doesn't. It wasn't anything I did consciously. With time I just got numb to the thought of jumping to my death. I do purposely use the terms "suicide", "killing myself", and "jumping to my death" as to not minimize what I am going to do. Good luck and sorry that you have to experience the shitty side of life.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Suicide really is too unnecessarily difficult, I imagine that many who succeeded had access to a suicide method that they felt confident in and they just got so determined to be free. I hate how existence doesn't come with an permanent offswitch where we can just easily escape from all the suffering in peace.

While I think being conceived is a game of luck I believe the opposite (of being born) is a matter of how resilient the human body is, and I once compared it to a piece of glass. Which is resistant yet fragile. You won't break it with a punch, but with a bullet it will undoubtedly shatter, and those examples unironically apply to the human body too

Of course nature didn't design the body to die easily, hence making the process of dying something quite trivial at times... Both for the good and the worse.. (Or at least, that's what I thought; just sharing some thoughts)