Wishfulthought
Member
- Jul 6, 2020
- 56
Hello, this is going to be my first post after lurking for a little bit. So long story short.. I want to die, like many do here. I have no desire to grow older, I see no future for myself and I've come to terms with the grief I will cause to my close family and boyfriend, but it doesn't really matter to me.. i'll (hopefully) be dead. I had an appointment with the mental health team today and they basically shoved a load of leaflets at me, told me to restart my meds and fucked me off to the doctors again. I had been holding on to this appointment, I stupidly still had hope that something might be of some help to me but its just made me realise how deep I really am into this black hole.. I don't know. Anyway I've ordered my SN. I'm in the UK so fingers crossed I've done it right and all goes okay.. should arrive late September. I'm okay with the wait, gives me time to get things in order and spend time with family. A bit worried that my mum might wonder what I've ordered but I'm going to order something else (some clothes or something? Idk) to try and cover up what I've ordered? If that makes any sense.. anyway sorry for the ramble if you've read this far. I shall now go study Stan's guide and begin the mission of acquiring all the other shit I need to free me from this shitty world peacefully (fingers crossed).