finally made the decision

[bluesoapyskies]

After flip flopping between the thought of ctb or holding on these past few months, I've finally settled the decision. It makes me sad because ultimately, I think life can be quite nice and fulfilling if you're born with the right cards. I tried really hard to change things but ultimately forces out of my control have decreased my quality of life so much to the point that trivial day to day matters exhaust me. they say you cant control what happens to you but you can control how you respond. i tried my best to do what i could against this but its been a futile fight.

I'm entering university now, a time that's supposed to be new and exciting, yet I've never felt more defeated. I had hoped things would be a little better by now.

I might ctb earlier than my planned timeline. I was holding on telling myself and hoping that it'd get better but i feel like a fool.

do you guys believe in second lives? i used to when i was younger. i had hoped that once id die, id get the chance to live a better life. but at this point, i honestly hope that this is it.

i had failed suicide when i was younger and thought that maybe it was "fate", and that i had to live on for something better to come along. but as time has gone on, i feel like ive just played a cruel joke on myself.

i feel disappointed, but i also knew that this was inevitable. really my whole life has been me trying and pleading with myself to find some sort of meaning or hope but at the end of the day we're just animals i feel. i used to think we had some divine purpose but im not so sure now. survival of the fittest. some of us adapt well, others dont.

sorry for my little rant but ive been feeling sentimental lately. i guess it sucks because i really did try but im just tired.

 

[Quiet_Observer]

Its ultimately brave to make that decision, some of us are just incapable of making due with our circumstances. I don't know if there is a second life but if there is you wont have to worry about your old one anymore, and it would reach its end anyway so why not do it on your own terms.

 

[not_telling]

I'm sorry it has come to this. You deserved more for trying, that in itself is something incredible in this world. I don't believe in second lives, I just hope that whatever waits at the end of the line is peaceful. I hope that you can find your own peace, and that your ride there is a pleasant one OP.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that when the time is right for you to leave you find the freedom you search for. I very strongly believe death to just be nothingness, a peaceful, dreamless and eternal sleep, once we lose consciousness that is it for us, we are gone. The thought of such a thing is the only comfort, I could never believe in any second lives.

 

[jussrav]

This is how I feel I try really hard to fight my problems but they just get worse. Its all over for me. I am just living for no reason. O have notjing left but suffering in my life. I want to end it badly I just wish I knew how.

 

[MeltingBrain]

Why is the name striked through ?