So I was really close to doing it via carbon monoxide method was a little concerned about the heat in the car but was going to go for it, I kept trying to get a gun as mine was took from me because I was going to do it with them and family found out,so now I got a .357 and hollow points and some Xanax and beer to calm me down I have anxiety bad and can't do much of anything,so I'm thinking either take my boat out on the river so a little fishing after taking a few Xanax of course once out there drink a few beers fish a little then end my sufferin, I do feel really bad for my family because it's going to cause great pain and hurt but I can't continue to suffer anymore I'm a little hesitant as to where I will aim I know everyone says go for the brain stem but don't want to take a chance on missing it so probably go to the side above the ear or up a little more towards the temple, I figure wensday or Thursday and it will definitely be one of them because I'm eating some of the Xanax now just to be somewhat comfortable well I'm still here, I bought 30 of them have 18 left wanna take at least 6-7 on the day to numb me, I hate doing this because I do have so much to live for as in family and love kids grandkids and all but the anxieties and chronic back pain won't let me enjoy life at all, I seeked help but mental health sucks to say the least, I got letters written to loved ones and the doctors that jacked me around,I wish I didn't have to do this but I do and hope it's just a peaceful permanent sleep also I hope all of you that really are in pain or suffering bad from other stuff can find your way out someday if that's what you want I know it's hard and has a lot of emotions that goes with it anyways good luck to you all what ever it is...
TAW122
Emissary of the right to die.
- Aug 30, 2018
- 6,819
That's great that you have acquired your method and means to exit. Yes, it will always be painful for those left behind, but living in pain isn't worth it either. I hope you are able to find peace and also mitigate the pain that your loved ones will go through.
BeenDoneForSoLong
Can't wait to be another statistic
- Feb 6, 2019
- 82
Good luck. Make sure you're thinking rationally. If you can't comprehend doing it without getting totally smashed. Maybe it's not the right thing to do. Hope all works out. Don't potato yourself. Sorry it had to come to this.
letmeseethedeath
catching the bus
- Aug 4, 2018
- 465
don't feel bad for your family, when someone is in pain it couldn't be life. you can't live in pain, that's why i'm gonna ctb soon. so many health problems and disorder. i'm sending you a big hug, i wish you all the peace my friend. safe travel 
It's hard is all, I been thinking about it for a few years now would have been gone in April if family didn't find me I just figured numbing would ease it a little more so I can go through with it
BeenDoneForSoLong
Can't wait to be another statistic
- Feb 6, 2019
- 82
Trust me I know. In my most serious attempt I got so wasted I couldnt tie the noose anymore. I could grasp how to make it 'stick' to the tree. In hindsight it was largely because I was being impulsive and wanted to prevent the rationale side from taking over.
Suicide is the most serious decision you'll ever make. It shouldn't be impulsive.
Lucky you. Based on forensic evidence, it would seem that best way to do it is in mouth.. got an extra gun, by the way?
I agree with you regarding family; if you want out, then get out.
squirtsoda
Fallen Eagle
- Jan 19, 2020
- 324
Wish you the best, and you made a very good choice in caliber, slim to none chance of failure with that.
A_Poetic_Death
"Existence is pain."
- Dec 19, 2019
- 26
May your choice whether CTB or not bring you peace. My thoughts of love and light are with you in your journey. Godspeed. ❤❤❤
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