Discussion Final planning is quite calming

[Fennec123]

My situation has got worse recently and I've now accepted that I have nothing to continue living for, so I've been finalising the details of my plan.

That's included:

- Checklist for making my exit bag (which I'll probably make ahead of time)

- Shopping list for final bits I need (tape, sharp knife, screwdriver etc)

- Hotel details... which hotel... how many nights... what night of my stay do I want to actually CTB

- How I'm going to get to the hotel (needs planning as I'll be carrying a nitrogen tank on my back and I'm not particularly strong!)

- Finalising my final messages to people and social media posts. I've decided to keep those mostly brief. No one really cares and certainly not enough to read paragraphs about how shit this world and my life was.

- Money stuff. I'm going to transfer a huge chunk from one of my credit cards and send it to a friend and ask him to distribute my belongings

There's probably other bits, but it's somehow calming to put all this into place and having a clearer plan in my mind.

First step will be making my exit bag next week when I have some time alone

 

[Dayrain]

Thanks for sharing. I'm happy that this planning calms you down.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel relieved at that, but anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[AbusedInnocent]

Sad to see a cute fox like you go.

Glad to hear everything is going to plan so far, wish you the best on your journey.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I feel this. I haven't really started planning in earnest - a few lists here or there - but I absolutely get the clarity. I often wonder 'am I depressed, is that normal to feel clear about this, the most final of decisions?' But I know in my heart my thinking is rational. My health won't take it and my finances and career are done. Friendships are done. I've slowly deleted social media and don't get any messages from people, so it's good - no big farewell letters or anything. Slip into oblivion and escape my autistic corroded malfunctioning brain for good <3

So I make the lists and work on them one by one and seem functional to the outside. I can't wait to look around an empty apartment and see the freedom that I have made my choice on my terms and have no ties to anyone except a few family members. I will board a plan to somewhere and know at the end I will have done the best decision of my life.

I can't wait. So this is what joy feels like!

 

[Artisxevo]

What wold be the cost for everything? In case I will do it too in future