Female Trouble

[sesamebeandclxviii]

From 12/26/2018 - 1/4/2019, I got very close with a girl through text. We started talking every day, cause she expressed her interest in me. She turned out being the most relatable person I had ever spoken to. We talked every day for a good amount of time, a couple hours each night and I know it only lasted about a week, but it got bad. She recently expressed that she wanted some time away from romance, basically that we should "slow down" because she feels like she was using me as her "only source for happiness". I understand what she means and at first I even told her I'd leave her alone for some time. I didn't even talk to her for an entire day, something that probably felt weird for the both of us. I eventually though felt that we should talk it over instead of just through brief texting back and forth. I just wanted to give my opinion and I just expressed that I don't really understand why we should "slow down". She seemed to get kind of mad, accusing me of not understanding her mental health and now whenever I try to talk to her, it sounds like I'm only such a burden. It took a couple of days to realize that she really was keeping me alive, I had something to look forward to every day. Now the vibe is just so dark and I've been struggling to find any other thing to keep me going. I know that I shouldn't make her my only reason to live, but honestly I can't bear with this. I've been thinking of just wanting to slit my throat in my backyard. I also have other issues involving depression and already having hatred for human beings.

 

[sesamebeandclxviii]

I forgot to mention that her and I didn't just text, but we also video called every night, so, we got pretty close and we got to know each other very well, getting very deep into conversations.

 

[Aesthler]

Welcome, sorry to hear you're in such a dark place. I know that having someone that may be romantic that is also relatable can be great towards giving you something to enjoy. I would say maybe back off for a little while and let things with her settle before sending her friendly/casual messages. Though in the end if she doesn't want at least a friendship and nothing romantic there will probably be some other relatable people that pop into your life that you can have great conversations with. People here are friendly, and more than willing to engage in conversations. I suggest venting as often as you need to, nobody will think less of you for pouring your feelings out on the forum.

 

[Terminally drunk]

Do you think your mentally capable of having a relationship with her if one week of that sort of communication is going to affect you that much. can you imagine after a year and she breaks up with you.. it could push you off the edge like many others have fell victim too in the past. Have you had a girlfriend before?. You cannot base your happiness on another person man. but that's just my opinion.

 

[RyanSuicide]

Do you think your mentally capable of having a relationship with her if one week of that sort of communication is going to affect you that much. can you imagine after a year and she breaks up with you.. it could push you off the edge like many others have fell victim too in the past. Have you had a girlfriend before?. You cannot base your happiness on another person man. but that's just my opinion.

Was going to reply to this post but you basically said it all

 

[GeorgeEastman]

Being at the mercy of this is what's so bad. If I'm going to keep living, I must continue toward independence. Toward not only not caring when people dislike me, but openly inviting it and not accepting anything else.

I think maybe I've made it to there already.

 

[SiArc]

You had a flare or a surge. It happens a lot now a days when it seems a person just "clicks" but sadly the gears just got stuck for a moment. Male or female it is important to respect their side and their needs. From what you said it does seem like you both jumped into the deep end immediately and it is only natural to want to paddle back to where she can feel the bottom.

Search yourself and see if your feelings are real or you just latched on like a leech because you had someone show interest in you. We can quickly build something in our head that is not how it actually is but we perceive it to be. If she is your only thing to live for after only a week of talking the you really do need to re-evaluate some things. None of this is said harshly. Give it some time, let her come to you if she wants to but if the vibe is ruined let it go. Like someone said, there will be other people you can talk to. Like here.

 

[Sanguinius]

Do you think your mentally capable of having a relationship with her if one week of that sort of communication is going to affect you that much. can you imagine after a year and she breaks up with you.. it could push you off the edge like many others have fell victim too in the past. Have you had a girlfriend before?. You cannot base your happiness on another person man. but that's just my opinion.

Yes. But sometimes there's no other way...