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Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
- Mar 11, 2022
- 1,683
I can attract women, but I'm anxious, needy, clingy, etc and it repels them. It's a nightmare.
Since you're terrified of them, does that mean you don't crave them deep down?I'm terrified of them. I choose cruel or unhealthy people. I sabotage myself and withdraw and isolate. Mostly I avoid people
I'm so sorry. You're older and your situation is much worse, though I can relate to a lot of it on some level.Relationships are impossible. I have never been able to trust anyone. I have friends but it feels like the more I get to know a person the further apart we are. I just can't let people in. I have never had a romantic relationship and at close to 40 it seems like I never will.
I desperately long for relationships, either romance/intimacy or just friendship, but I can't bring myself to trust anyone.
I feel like I'm unwelcome or unwanted. I have never felt good enough for anyone. I have to apologise all the time. I wish my friends had someone else instead of me. Someone better.
All relationships in my life are dominated by fear. Fear of rejection and abandonment, of being humiliated, or that I will hurt people or be a burden to them.
I never initiate anything. Ever. I never call. I never ask if people want to hang out. I never approach women. I always try to minimise myself. I walk back, lean away, and avert my gaze. I automatically assume that people won't want me around. That I am unacceptable.
First off I think needing security, closeness and trust after abuse (and in general) is normal and that shouldn't repel anybody worth anything.I can attract women, but I'm anxious, needy, clingy, etc and it repels them. It's a nightmare.
I'm so terribly sorry you had to go through that. Rape is the most evil thing there is and I can only imagine it feels so much worse when it's done to you by someone you trust.I think at the core of my social anxiety and ambivalence towards sexuality is how my cousin (which I loved and admired as a surrogate older brother) forced me to suck his dick when I was a kid. So there you go.
I think at the core of my social anxiety and ambivalence towards sexuality is how my cousin (which I loved and admired as a surrogate older brother) forced me to suck his dick when I was a kid. So there you go.
I think Osamu Dazai fleshed out better than I could the condition that afflicts me and possibly you as well. Read No Longer Human.Got chills reading this. It happened just the same with me. I think i know what you feel. I think
Wanna elaborate more on this?
The weird thing is having to see him on holidays, with family and such. Pretending nothin' happened... It kills me. Worst part, my family likes him and compare us frequently.