Venting Feels so cold

[suicider]

I came here some time ago. Thought about CBT. Even got some SN. Things changed.

Now things have become even worse. I feel like all of society has gone quiet. I feel alone. As if there is a deep undertow, taking everything positive I saw in this society and my own life.

I feel ashamed. Not only for those feelings but for my own mistakes I made in the past. Regretting I have ever been alive. I guess my parents feel the same way. They never even wished for me to be born. They must feel ashamed about me, about giving life to me. Nurtured me into a world that never reallly wanted me.

I am such a drama queen. Without purpose. I tried to sustain myself. So much therapy. But it could not help me to overcome a world, that already hates itself. Destroys itself. Throws away the marginalised for the good of the few opportunists, feeding this cycle of abuse with vile falsehoods.

Giving hate, while saying otherwise. Painting themselves as good samaritans. They are everything they see in others. Unable to forgive. Neither themselves, nor other human beings who cross their path.

I feel so tired. Still unsure about which way to CBT, but SN or hanging sound good. So much to think about, but so little energy. Got to plan ahead. Ignoring any form of empathy with my surroundings was always the hardest part.

In the end, there is nothing.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life itself certainly is horrific, it's the true problem and cause of all torment. Of course it would had been ideal to have never existed at all, but at least to me, to die is the next best thing. I hope that you find what you wish for.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

The world is a very cold and uncaring place. Always has been. Unfortunately, it is never going to get better. That's just a fact of life. All people can do is try and deal with it as best they can, trying to keep tamped down the evil that keeps arising. It's never-ending. There are so many things to hate about this world. Those that are lucky periodically find some of the good in this world to make it more bearable.