Feels like nobody ever actually cares. cant take it anymore.

[Ashley]

i dont even feel like this is worth posting and im sorry if this shouldnt be here. i just dont know where else to express how badly im hurting.

im living with a diagnosed sociopath who i loved so much. we arent together anymore and all i can think of is crawling back to them like a pathetic person even though they replaced me with someone who has all the same things they supposedly broke up with me. i can't find someone who i can love and know i can love as myself because i can't trust anyone anymore not to use or abandon me. i find myself becoming bolder in hurting myself after years of being clean from self harm. im hitting myself more with harder objects and probably fucking up my worthless brain even more ive started. i wish i could be bold enough to just end it right now so i can finally be free from this suffering. ive never said this with as much truth as i am now. i really want to die. if i had a button to just die instantly i wouldnt even hesitate anymore at this point. any advice on how to improve life or how to end it would be greatly appreciated if either is allowed. thank you so much <3

sorry to whoever ends up reading this. i wish i could be better for you atleast.

 

[NihilDoll]

sorry to whoever ends up reading this. i wish i could be better for you atleast.

I genuinely believe that by showing the courage to share these stories and struggles, you're already doing more than you may think.
"Others are also suffering" is such a dumb dead horse of a phrase that gets thrown around to usually guilt trip people into "functioning" because "others have it bad too, and they functioning" but i do think that there's genuine merit in sharing this pain with those that understand it.

I'm no one to give advice on how to handle emotions like that.
A 10 year relationship ground my heart to dust and i kept holding on to it like a dumb koala bear.
I don't understand this stuff myself...
But the one thing that sticks out to me maybe worth clinging to is "diagnosed sociopath".
You have proof that it's not your fault. It's not much, but maybe worth internalizing anyways.

But the one thing i'm sure about: You don't need to feel sorry for sharing your story.
Quite the opposite actually. It's brave, it's honest.
And like i said in my own first post just a few moment ago: Sometimes, just reading what others are dealing with and how they started thinking about certain things helps you feel understood if you, yourself are reaching that breaking point.

And it's stories like this that help, believe it or not. They may help others going through something similar feel understood.
It's a small silver lining, but don't be sorry.

 

[COP2CON]

Whatever you have to say and need to say is worth listening to because you are special. The only thing that makes the kind of hurt your feeling better is air and time, just like OC spray. People suck and I'm sorry your hurting. Just know your special, your valued, you are heard, and you are cared about even by us mere SaSu'ites. Try some breathing exercises to calm yourself. Don't let the decision to ctb be impulsive. And remember the most important thing.....boys are stupid.

I hope you find some solace in knowing many of us know the feelings your going through. It sucks but it can get better. I'm sorry your here and in so much pain. I hope it lessens and you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. There's a whole community here for you regardless of what you decide.

 

[Harrier]

You matter to us.