Feels bad

[Tuumii]

Hi everyone! For a few weeks, I've been feeling a lot better, actually happy for once, feeling like things were going change; but as of a couple days ago, poor sleep and suicidal thoughts are back. I'm diagnosed with Bi-polar, Mania, Gender Dysphoria and recently, symptoms of moderate psychosis/schizophrenia.

Feeling hopeless again, having constant mental breakdowns and back to repressing.

Not sure if trannies are welcome here, but does anyone relate to this at all?

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Everyone's welcome here!
I get this a lot, lots of ups and downs, like I'll try and start a business venture one day and can't get out of bed the next, then I feel bad that I've let people down, it spirals then something will flip it back to mania, rinse & repeat. I feel crazy but everyone around me just says "it'll pass". Yeah it does but it comes back! Your not alone at all I'm sure there are many here with similar problems.

 

[Tuumii]

Everyone's welcome here!
I get this a lot, lots of ups and downs, like I'll try and start a business venture one day and can't get out of bed the next, then I feel bad that I've let people down, it spirals then something will flip it back to mania, rinse & repeat. I feel crazy but everyone around me just says "it'll pass". Yeah it does but it comes back! Your not alone at all I'm sure there are many here with similar problems.

Phew, I was genuinely worried that trannies weren't welcome. I've had a few bad experiences on other forums about that. I'm thankful that everyone here is so friendly and supportive.

I've been suffering from these issues since I was a child, and they've not changed one bit since. My emotional cycles are: 1 - 2 months, depressed and suicidal; then for about a couple of days - a week, I'll feel happy and energetic for absolutely no reason; motivated to be productive, and happy to present how I wish. I've never taken medication for it, I've been thinking about it lately; It's been getting out-of-hand lately. I wouldn't eat for days, or leave my house up to a month! I've been trying to get myself to eat more lately. I've been doing good with it, and I'm happy about that at least. Maybe I'll discuss it with my psychiatrist.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Phew, I was genuinely worried that trannies weren't welcome. I've had a few bad experiences on other forums about that. I'm thankful that everyone here is so friendly and supportive.

I've been suffering from these issues since I was a child, and they've not changed one bit since. My emotional cycles are: 1 - 2 months, depressed and suicidal; then for about a couple of days - a week, I'll feel happy and energetic for absolutely no reason; motivated to be productive, and happy to present how I wish. I've never taken medication for it, I've been thinking about it lately; It's been getting out-of-hand lately. I wouldn't eat for days, or leave my house up to a month! I've been trying to get myself to eat more lately. I've been doing good with it, and I'm happy about that at least. Maybe I'll discuss it with my psychiatrist.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, I've had my own issues with other forums but I'm not trans in any way and I can't imagine what it's like, I guess not good. I can't speak for everyone here but I'm sure you're fine :)

I take mirtazapine but also self-medicate with benzos, but it doesn't seem to really help the main problem. My cycles are similar to yours but maybe 2-3 weeks depression then 3-7 days manic. It causes havoc with any relationships (friends, family anything) since they don't get why I'm so up for going out one week then making excuses the next.

Yeah no eating or going out isn't good, this is all just advice but I was told by a therapist that you need nutrition in order for your brain to work right. So she recommended these 'meal-replacement' milk-shakes in a sachet, basically slimfast stuff but with full fat milk it's better than nothing if you can't be bothered to make anything.

As for not going out I juggle and spin poi, I used to get super anxious but after choosing to ctb I don't care about random people anymore, it's an odd freeing feeling so I do that in the park. Do you have any hobbies? Or maybe just listen to some music or a podcast/audiobook and have a walk?

Again this is all potential shite advice lol, just sharing what helped for me. I understand motivation can be an issue so if it's not helpful that's fine. I'd try to pursue a discussion with your actual psychiatrist though!

 

[brokerofsecrets]

Hi everyone! For a few weeks, I've been feeling a lot better, actually happy for once, feeling like things were going change; but as of a couple days ago, poor sleep and suicidal thoughts are back. I'm diagnosed with Bi-polar, Mania, Gender Dysphoria and recently, symptoms of moderate psychosis/schizophrenia.

Feeling hopeless again, having constant mental breakdowns and back to repressing.

Not sure if trannies are welcome here, but does anyone relate to this at all?

Why wouldn't you be welcome here? We're all of the same mind and that's all that matters.

 

[Tuumii]

Why wouldn't you be welcome here? We're all of the same mind and that's all that matters.

Fear, I guess. It's usually my first assumption about forums now. Haven't had many decent experiences when it comes to being trans, unless they are exclusively trans forums. I'm an easy target.

 

[brokerofsecrets]

Fear, I guess. It's usually my first assumption about forums now. Haven't had many decent experiences when it comes to being trans, unless they are exclusively trans forums. I'm an easy target.

I'm a brutally honest person, and I dont want to upset you with what I'm about to say, but I really don't care that you're trans, in both senses of the phrase - I don't care and I don't mind. You're a person here, this community is the most accepting and caring community I've ever had the pleasure of being a part of. Welcome home, nerd.

 

[Tuumii]

I'm sorry you had to go through that, I've had my own issues with other forums but I'm not trans in any way and I can't imagine what it's like, I guess not good. I can't speak for everyone here but I'm sure you're fine :)

I take mirtazapine but also self-medicate with benzos, but it doesn't seem to really help the main problem. My cycles are similar to yours but maybe 2-3 weeks depression then 3-7 days manic. It causes havoc with any relationships (friends, family anything) since they don't get why I'm so up for going out one week then making excuses the next.

Yeah no eating or going out isn't good, this is all just advice but I was told by a therapist that you need nutrition in order for your brain to work right. So she recommended these 'meal-replacement' milk-shakes in a sachet, basically slimfast stuff but with full fat milk it's better than nothing if you can't be bothered to make anything.

As for not going out I juggle and spin poi, I used to get super anxious but after choosing to ctb I don't care about random people anymore, it's an odd freeing feeling so I do that in the park. Do you have any hobbies? Or maybe just listen to some music or a podcast/audiobook and have a walk?

Again this is all potential shite advice lol, just sharing what helped for me. I understand motivation can be an issue so if it's not helpful that's fine. I'd try to pursue a discussion with your actual psychiatrist though!

I used to have hobbies when I was younger, listening to music and playing video games by myself, but that was about it. I haven't been interested in any hobbies since about age 14. Now, I listen to music and rarely write in my diary; I don't even have the motivation to write about my day.

That's really all I do on a daily basis. I've tried to develop new hobbies, but they don't stick. I have no productivity anymore.

What is poi?! How do you juggle and spin it?

 

[Dear Flabby]

Hi

Welcome!

There's a search function on here. Look for the magnifying glass icon.

You will find quite a few threads on the forums dedicated to trans and gender dysphoria issues. You can also search for threads related to your other concerns.

Another area that you might want to have a look at is the Recovery forum, so you can gather some thoughts on meds and the like.

After you have been a member 24 hours and have made 5 posts, you will have direct message privileges.

Peace and hugs,
Flabby

 

[Deleted member 14386]

I used to have hobbies when I was younger, listening to music and playing video games by myself, but that was about it. I haven't been interested in any hobbies since about age 14. Now, I listen to music and rarely write in my diary; I don't even have the motivation to write about my day.

That's really all I do on a daily basis. I've tried to develop new hobbies, but they don't stick. I have no productivity anymore.

What is poi?! How do you juggle and spin it?

lol I meant I juggle and spin poi separately but it makes for some fun illusions to do both, I can ride unicycles too I used to be really good at 'street' cycling, like grinding on poles and doing 360 spins etc, the tyre looks like a trials bike. The poi I have are basically LED balls on a rope, the light changes colour and you can make some really awesome patterns. The juggling balls are LED too so I have a field day at night in the park!

Yeah it's tough finding that spark again, mine was just getting back into what I liked when I was younger but I've tried drawing, picklocking, computer coding, magic tricks (I never really got anywhere but was still fun), whatever makes you distracted for a bit helps

 

[Shinbu]

Yup I can relate somewhat. I been a insomniac for quite some time I know how it feels to not get enough sleep, usually when I'm depressed, or bored is when I can't go to sleep. I don't mind that you are trans. You are still a person that's all that matters. You are welcomed here :).