feelings of worthlessness surrounding eating disorder?

[violetskies]

i've been suffering from anorexia for almost 15 years now and i've found that even though i always have low energy and a lack of motivation to do anything in life, the days where i eat less/nothing give me more hope than the days where i feel like i overeat? so, for me, there's a link between thoughts of ctb and "failing" in the eyes of my anorexia. logically, i know that eating normally is perfectly fine, but it always makes me think of ctb when i do. anyone else have any experience with this?

 

[Kit1]

I have the opposite challenge where I overeat and am now extremely obese. I use food as a comfort and the suicidal ideation worsens after I overeat.

 

[violetskies]

I have the opposite challenge where I overeat and am now extremely obese. I use food as a comfort and the suicidal ideation worsens after I overeat.

i'm sorry to hear you struggle with food too - all kinds of disordered eating are tough :(

 

[wildbluekiss]

hello, i've struggling from bulimia for years. your post resonates with me, so much. me myself, i'm at the point that i don't think i can ctb if i haven't feel that i'm skinny enough.

right, peak eating disorder moment, lol.

the stress from pure diagnosed depression and bulimia within me can't even be differentiated anymore. there was this thin line, and before i know it, it was long gone.
yes, everytime i eat, i want to die even more. i feel guilty to the point i want to die.

i mean, my condition before my ed was already bad enough, and now we take bulimia and put it as a cherry on top, i don't even know why am i still here atp. and yes, i do feel better when i'm empty, either while post-purging or starving.

your post is so relatable, i hope you could feel better someday, though.

 

[violetskies]

hello, i've struggling from bulimia for years. your post resonates with me, so much. me myself, i'm at the point that i don't think i can ctb if i haven't feel that i'm skinny enough.

right, peak eating disorder moment, lol.

the stress from pure diagnosed depression and bulimia within me can't even be differentiated anymore. there was this thin line, and before i know it, it was long gone.
yes, everytime i eat, i want to die even more. i feel guilty to the point i want to die.

i mean, my condition before my ed was already bad enough, and now we take bulimia and put it as a cherry on top, i don't even know why am i still here atp. and yes, i do feel better when i'm empty, either while post-purging or starving.

your post is so relatable, i hope you could feel better someday, though.

i hope you could feel better some day too. you're right, the guilt from feeling full is overwhelming and always makes me think of ctb. eating disorders are so fucking stupid. like how is it possible to feel euphoric and the most hopeful about life when i haven't eaten anything? it's dumb.

 

[DandiFynalicious]

EDNOS gang here. It's like the adhd of eating disorders. Starve a few days, binge, restrict, repeat. Or maybe eat normally and strike a balance for a month only for something to happen that sends me spinning off into my bullshit again.

Yeah. Eating sucks. Not eating sucks. I tell my therapist I just want to be normal. She doesn't think that exists.

 

[violetskies]

Yeah. Eating sucks. Not eating sucks. I tell my therapist I just want to be normal. She doesn't think that exists.

therapists and eating disorders are like oil and water. even the ones specifically trained for EDs seem to think that we're doing it on purpose.