Feeling very guilty for having a plan

[Toonloon]

I've attempted to ctb a few times in the past. The last time was my closes and I'm mad I didn't succeed. I learned from my past mistakes and have a better plan in place. I am happy and have some sense of relaxation when I'm stressed out. But the issue is my friends don't understand it'll be better if I just kill myself. I'm not happy. I'm in a lot of pain and It's horrible to just wake up in the morning.

I tried to have a conversation with a few people in the past on why this choice would be best for everyone but they just get mad. They call me selfish and one even told me I have no right to feel so awful all the time. He said it's not like I'm suffering from a "real" disease.

I feel guilty cause I have a plan to kill myself and some people think it's wrong. I don't think it's wrong and I didn't feel guilty when I came close to succeeding last time. I'm in a lot of pain and nobody to talk to about it. I don't want to be judged for having a plan or risk getting a psych hold either.

I just feel so alone.

 

[dropdeadfred]

I don't think it's wrong and I didn't feel guilty when I came close to succeeding last time.

This is your way out of guilt. Shed it if you choose. It's your life. You get to have your power & choose what you think/know is best for you. Sending love.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

Sounds like you have shitty friends OP they sound very immature.
(づ◡﹏◡)づ
What is your new method if I may ask.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So sorry for what you are going through. I tried to have a conversation about wanting to die with a buddy of mine. He didn't understand so I don't bring it up anymore. Now my plan is just to "Fake it til I end it" Maybe not the best but it will keep me from being locked up.

 

[foxdie]

You are suffering whether your friends acknowledge it or not. And your guilt shows your empathy for them despite your struggles which is honourable. At least you tried to help them understand. It's all you can do really.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry your friends treat you so poorly. You seem to know in your heart what is right for you. People guilting you and making you feel bad about yourself is awful and wrong.