Feeling utterly relieved when I have a lethal method

[JudasIscariot]

Does anyone else feel immensely relieved and able to function normally when they have a lethal, reliable method? Prolifers, preventionists and professionals do NOT understand this. They blindly assume as someone obtains a method, that they will die. Of course, I do not doubt that this is true for lots of people. However, in my own experience, it has been otherwise. No one except fellow suicidal people understand. I'm so sick of educating professionals. I just wish someone would be the one to educate me. Anyone else relate? It's fucking ridiculous how ignorant people are.

 

[bluebird16]

Yes. If I had a lethal method, I'd actually feel a lot better and not like a cornered animal. Since I don't have a reliable method, all that does is cause me anxiety attacks. If I had a certain method available, I'd actually not use it for who knows how many years and my mental state would improve a lot.

 

[JudasIscariot]

Yes. If I had a lethal method, I'd actually feel a lot better and not like a cornered animal. Since I don't have a reliable method, all that does is cause me anxiety attacks. If I had a certain method available, I'd actually not use it for who knows how many years and my mental state would improve a lot.

Yeah, totally agree. I'm MORE suicidal not having access to a lethal method. Because all I'm fixated on is suicide. I feel like a cornered animal too. I'm really sorry. I hope this website is valuable for you.

 

[bluebird16]

Yeah, totally agree. I'm MORE suicidal not having access to a lethal method. Because all I'm fixated on is suicide. I feel like a cornered animal too. I'm really sorry. I hope this website is valuable for you.

Same. Having a reliable method would make me feel less suicidal. I hope that you find this website valuable too.

 

[JudasIscariot]

Same. Having a reliable method would make me feel less suicidal. I hope that you find this website valuable too.

Yeah, it's definitely helped me live my life functionally and normally which I literally was never able to do before. Yet people continue to try to sabotage that so as to force me to suffer. I do find this site greatly valuable, peer support helps immensely. If you haven't already, I'd recommend the suicide megathread. If you are having trouble finding it, I can link it to you.

 

[bluebird16]

Yeah, it's definitely helped me live my life functionally and normally which I literally was never able to do before. Yet people continue to try to sabotage that so as to force me to suffer. I do find this site greatly valuable, peer support helps immensely. If you haven't already, I'd recommend the suicide megathread. If you are having trouble finding it, I can link it to you.

Glad to hear that.
As for that, I have already found it, but thank you very much for trying to help anyway. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do

 

[chr74]

Hunter S. Thompson said a similar thing, it's on his wiki page:

"... He told me 25 years ago that he would feel real trapped if he didn't know that he could commit suicide at any moment."

(he eventually ended up committing suicide)

 

[BlissfulVoid]

Yeah, I can very much relate. Not to the specific situation, as I still do not have my own method finalized and prepared, but rather I can relate to the sensation of letting go of a major concern. For me too, it will be a great source of relief, when I can finally just rest assured that the hard work is done, and I then just have to decide on when to do it.

I think it is just part of the human condition. We find comfort in certainty, and as such, uncertainty, to some degree, doesn't sit well with us. We want to know things for certain, we want to be reassured of our assumptions, we want our plans to be ready to execute, so we can stop wasting precious mental resources on the whole worrying thing. Having a guaranteed method prepared is a completed task (as opposed to an unfinished, lingering one, in the back of your mind); it's one less worry to concern yourself with, and at the same time a safety blanket for when things get really bad.

 

[JudasIscariot]

Glad to hear that.
As for that, I have already found it, but thank you very much for trying to help anyway. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do

Thanks so much, you too. SS is a very valuable resource, I hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do too.

Hunter S. Thompson said a similar thing, it's on his wiki page:

"... He told me 25 years ago that he would feel real trapped if he didn't know that he could commit suicide at any moment."

(he eventually ended up committing suicide)

I love Mr. Hunter. I saw this quote years ago and felt like someone finally understood. He was such a bizarre, amazing fellow. I cherish who he was as a person. Thanks for sharing, you reminded me to read more of his stuff.

Yeah, I can very much relate. Not to the specific situation, as I still do not have my own method finalized and prepared, but rather I can relate to the sensation of letting go of a major concern. For me too, it will be a great source of relief, when I can finally just rest assured that the hard work is done, and I then just have to decide on when to do it.

I think it is just part of the human condition. We find comfort in certainty, and as such, uncertainty, to some degree, doesn't sit well with us. We want to know things for certain, we want to be reassured of our assumptions, we want our plans to be ready to execute, so we can stop wasting precious mental resources on the whole worrying thing. Having a guaranteed method prepared is a completed task (as opposed to an unfinished, lingering one, in the back of your mind); it's one less worry to concern yourself with, and at the same time a safety blanket for when things get really bad.

Thanks for your reply. I resonate with it a lot. I am in absolute purgatory when I am stuck without a method. I very much agree with your analysis of the human race. Humans do not do well with ambiguity, me included, probably more than most people. It's why we need to do all these mental gymnastics with death and religion. I relate a lot to what you're saying, thanks for sharing. Very well executed.

 

[Borgrot]

I've noticed my mood has been a bit improved since I made sure the things I need for me chosen method was available to me. Not good enough to change my mind but there's a sense of relief and finality about knowing when it does become too much, my method is there waiting for me.

I suppose part of it is that I now feel like I'm saying goodbye to everything and everyone one by one. It's making me treasure things a little more because I know each time I see someone or do something it might be the last.

The world is crystal clear in clarity and vivid with colour only because I know I'll be leaving it.

 

[exploitedbacteria]

 

[TimetoGo!]

Yes. If I had a lethal method, I'd actually feel a lot better and not like a cornered animal. Since I don't have a reliable method, all that does is cause me anxiety attacks. If I had a certain method available, I'd actually not use it for who knows how many years and my mental state would improve a lot.

Good point this……wonder how many would calm down IF they knew they could go anytime they wanted.

 

[ayb]

Hunter S. Thompson said a similar thing, it's on his wiki page:

"... He told me 25 years ago that he would feel real trapped if he didn't know that he could commit suicide at any moment."

(he eventually ended up committing suicide)

Words to live by.