Venting Feeling too privileged to be suicidal

[creep]

I had a lot of privileges in life - I don't mean to brag (see the whole post), but here it goes:

• a loving, capable mother and other supportive and nice family members
• being born in one of the richest countries with excellent healthcare and uni education options for everyone
• decent looks, which allow me to get away with things I know I should not
• decent intelligence, I am by no means exceptional but am able to make a comfortable living without slaving away

Yet still I'm struggling with:

• daily extreme overeating. As a bulimic I eat and purge over 30000 cals, every. single. day. (yes, that's the correct number of zeroes)
• having never had close friendships for longer than a couple of months
• having never kissed a girl
• having been homeless for 2.5 years as a result of addiction and neglecting finances. Only reason I got out is the awesome social services in my country.
• my mood reliably being determined by single positive or negative interactions with any person. As a 26-year-old I am still completely dependent on what others think of me.
• really wanting to be dead

I feel like the proto-loser. Got all the oppertunities to become a doctor or a lawyer and have heartwarming friendships and relationships. Yet here I am alone stuffing my face with marshmallows and wishing I was dead. Stuck in life because every time I try to end it (having a super reliable method) I pussy out last minute.

And even in communities like this one I feel like I don't belong because my life hasn't been bad enough to want to die. Anyone relate?

 

[Nymph]

I also have a pretty good family but I still turned out fucked up. There's a lot of reason for ppl to ctb and it doesn't matter if they have a lot of "good" things and stuff.

 

[freedomfreezerstar]

Suicide is a human issue. it comes with being given a life so anybody can have it and that is ok. you are valid and deserve just as much attention to your problems as others, trauma is relative. (I don't know what trauma is relative means because I have pain in the brain but if it means everyone tries to compare their trauma but they are all important then that is what i mean )

 

[WornOutLife]

I've had kinda a good life too.
Nice family, friends, a good job, lots of girls but in the end...my mind was always suicidal.
I just don't want to be part of this world because I find life absurd.
I mean, "be born, study, work, have children, die" is that it? What a boring life. Sorry but...I pass.

Also, people here have had it much worse than you and me so I feel really sorry for them but I try to help them as much as I can with whatever decision they make.

 

[nicetomeetu]

Having things might give you a temporary sense of bliss.
Everybody has their reasons to be suicidal and I feel like all of them should be respected, since its a human issue but also personal for everyone.

 

[BehindTheWall]

Suicidal thoughts have no borders.

 

[creep]

Suicide is a human issue. it comes with being given a life so anybody can have it and that is ok. you are valid and deserve just as much attention to your problems as others, trauma is relative. (I don't know what trauma is relative means because I have pain in the brain but if it means everyone tries to compare their trauma but they are all important then that is what i mean )

I share your point of view, we are all free to do with our life what we want, regardless of how big our problems are. Still, when asked the question "how did you end up like this", most people can explain it with an external circumstance, such as:

• being raised in a household where substance abuse is the norm
• being extremely ugly or having poor learning ability
• being raised in a low-oppertunity environment
• being a victim of the bad economy

but I don't have any such reason. All the arrows are pointing to me. It feels bad to leave without any external problem to blame. I can't get rid of the guilt.

 

[ZardozOmega]

Where are you from?

 

[lostmyhope]

I have also lived a pretty privileged life, and I feel really guilty being here when I know so many users would be envious if we compared our past and current circumstances in life. I wouldn't be taken seriously for my problems. Yet I'm here anyway...

 

[Meditation guide]

I had a lot of privileges in life - I don't mean to brag (see the whole post), but here it goes:

• a loving, capable mother and other supportive and nice family members
• being born in one of the richest countries with excellent healthcare and uni education options for everyone
• decent looks, which allow me to get away with things I know I should not
• decent intelligence, I am by no means exceptional but am able to make a comfortable living without slaving away

Yet still I'm struggling with:

• daily extreme overeating. As a bulimic I eat and purge over 30000 cals, every. single. day. (yes, that's the correct number of zeroes)
• having never had close friendships for longer than a couple of months
• having never kissed a girl
• having been homeless for 2.5 years as a result of addiction and neglecting finances. Only reason I got out is the awesome social services in my country.
• my mood reliably being determined by single positive or negative interactions with any person. As a 26-year-old I am still completely dependent on what others think of me.
• really wanting to be dead

I feel like the proto-loser. Got all the oppertunities to become a doctor or a lawyer and have heartwarming friendships and relationships. Yet here I am alone stuffing my face with marshmallows and wishing I was dead. Stuck in life because every time I try to end it (having a super reliable method) I pussy out last minute.

And even in communities like this one I feel like I don't belong because my life hasn't been bad enough to want to die. Anyone relate?

Anyone can have depression or mental disorders even if born into the perfect wealthy family. The Kennedys had a daughter who had some mental problems and they institutionalized her, then they gave her a lobotomy, turning her into a mindless robot. Her main problems before the lobotomy was she was a bit slow, and was promiscuous.

 

[tpurced]

It doesn't matter if you're raised in a wealthy family, or in a privileged country. I have as well lived a somewhat privileged but I'm still here. So never blame yourself for being here. It's a thing with humans, and you shouldn't feel worse because of it. It still happens, and your reasons will always be valid.

 

[niki wonoto]

I can relate, because I also come from quite 'privileged' position/background.

- from Indonesia -

 

[lexiahhs]

I share your point of view, we are all free to do with our life what we want, regardless of how big our problems are. Still, when asked the question "how did you end up like this", most people can explain it with an external circumstance, such as:

• being raised in a household where substance abuse is the norm
• being extremely ugly or having poor learning ability
• being raised in a low-oppertunity environment
• being a victim of the bad economy

but I don't have any such reason. All the arrows are pointing to me. It feels bad to leave without any external problem to blame. I can't get rid of the guilt.

I relate to this post,
- my household doesnt do substances like at all, yet im slowly falling into it while also being dependent on many prescripition meds
- i dont consider myself ugly, even if im not all that, and i've always been in higher ed, accelerated programs while growing up
- i have good oppertunities
- my parents are pretty succesful and we have good money

so i feel like i cant really complain about anything

 

[tilsleepcomes]

I had a lot of privileges in life... yet I'm struggling

Got all the oppertunities to become a doctor or a lawyer and have heartwarming friendships and relationships. Yet here I am alone

I can certainly relate.

I grew up a white male in Canada and was told sky's the limit for me based on testing and opportunities and support presented to me. Even now, on disability, if I could myself get past my internal suffering, I could be happy and thrive. But I just cant.

I also feel like an imposter here sometimes with what others say they suffer from, cuz I end up sometimes comparing myself and thinking, fuck me, I have it easy.

But I have to remind myself that even rich celebrities who present as happy and functional can suffer silently inside and end up CTB. Just because my suffering isn't visible or called stage four, or some people think I could just choose to stop being this way, doesn't mean it is any less valid or real.

 

[iforgotmyacc]

Please don't feel like you don't belong. Life is inherently fucked up.

 

[Jessycat2000]

I had a lot of privileges in life - I don't mean to brag (see the whole post), but here it goes:

• a loving, capable mother and other supportive and nice family members
• being born in one of the richest countries with excellent healthcare and uni education options for everyone
• decent looks, which allow me to get away with things I know I should not
• decent intelligence, I am by no means exceptional but am able to make a comfortable living without slaving away

Yet still I'm struggling with:

• daily extreme overeating. As a bulimic I eat and purge over 30000 cals, every. single. day. (yes, that's the correct number of zeroes)
• having never had close friendships for longer than a couple of months
• having never kissed a girl
• having been homeless for 2.5 years as a result of addiction and neglecting finances. Only reason I got out is the awesome social services in my country.
• my mood reliably being determined by single positive or negative interactions with any person. As a 26-year-old I am still completely dependent on what others think of me.
• really wanting to be dead

I feel like the proto-loser. Got all the oppertunities to become a doctor or a lawyer and have heartwarming friendships and relationships. Yet here I am alone stuffing my face with marshmallows and wishing I was dead. Stuck in life because every time I try to end it (having a super reliable method) I pussy out last minute.

And even in communities like this one I feel like I don't belong because my life hasn't been bad enough to want to die. Anyone relate?

You made me laugh !!! I know it's not the purpose or your text but I recognized myself so much in your story ! The good thing is that you have a truly sense of humor

 

[DrWh033]

If you pin-point to the actual problem and acknowledge it, living in nordic country I guess, will give you the best chvnce to solve it. You are too young and you can reinvent yourself anytime you want assuming your mental issue is solved.

 

[want2dienow]

Suicide does not discriminate

 

[slushy]

I feel that. I have so much going for me in life and I feel ungrateful to turn it all away. I, too could pursue whatever I want in life and I have a family who loves me. But the fact at the end of the day is that I'm still unhappy and I don't think anything could change it.