Venting Feeling so torn

[Shewaitsforme]

Wrestling with getting help or not. Problem is ive been sectioned for a total of 2 months (2 seperate admissions) since August. After fighting to be let out and managing to get discharged from home treatment and getting my GP to leave me alone i still dont know what to do. I convinced everyone im ok, no mental health issues, full capacity so they had to discharge me. Thing is i know im not well im just very good at acting i am. I spend all day in my flat alone now, dont talk to any of my mates anymore. Feels like im just hanging on to see if i can keep the job i know i wont be able to keep as its too risky for the NHS to have me working with patients on the ambulances. My mind is slowly closing around me, if i do go out its across the road to Asda and i shaky, weakness in my legs.

How can i want suicide but still not 100% i dont want help. I think im scared if i get help that will be it, ill be sectioned again, i cant admit im not well, what if i get help and nothing changes. Mind is crushing me, maybe i just buy the nitrogen. Im not me anymore, what if i never am. Im too scared to live and too scared to die

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

Do something to distract yourself. Can you talk to them without mentioning ctb? You might be able to get help. You can keep secrets. You're good at acting.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

Do something to distract yourself. Can you talk to them without mentioning ctb? You might be able to get help. You can keep secrets. You're good at acting.

The secrets and lying are getting harder and harder to keep. It was so easy at first now i literally dont speak to anyone in fear ill break down and start talking honestly.

 

[Johnnythefox]

I think you should ask for help and be honest about what you feel, I know how hard it can be but what do you have to lose? You could even call a helpline..

 

[Shewaitsforme]

I think you should ask for help and be honest about what you feel, I know how hard it can be but what do you have to lose? You could even call a helpline..

Yeah i know your right. When ive had suicidal mental health patients ive always urged them to get help now i 100% realise their worry about doing so. Thankyou

 

[JazzyWolfWhistle]

Yeah, what he said, get help.

 

[TiredHorse]

Im not me anymore, what if i never am.

This is how I feel, too.

If you're asking it as a question instead of having decided already, then yes: get help.

 

[Shewaitsforme]

This is how I feel, too.

If you're asking it as a question instead of having decided already, then yes: get help.

Ive called the home treatment team and the psychologist i was referred to is going to contact me i guess. Ive never let anyone try help me because i saw it as a weakness and i didnt deserve to be well but how can i be sure if ive not explored recovery. So we will see what happens, if i get sent back to the psych unit then i have to go with it. Im actually shaking right now, really scared I need that peace of mind that i at least tried.

 

[Johnnythefox]

Good to hear that, it's not a sign of weakness to ask for help though I know what you mean. It takes courage to admit we need help, we are all only human and none of us are perfect.

 

[TiredHorse]

Ive called the home treatment team and the psychologist i was referred to is going to contact me i guess. Ive never let anyone try help me because i saw it as a weakness and i didnt deserve to be well but how can i be sure if ive not explored recovery. So we will see what happens, if i get sent back to the psych unit then i have to go with it. Im actually shaking right now, really scared I need that peace of mind that i at least tried.

Definitely NOT a sign of weakness. Rather courageous, actually, given what you've got on the line --I would be shaking too! I really hope it goes well, and that the system doesn't let you down.

Good call, Shewaitsforme. A damned difficult call, but a good one. You have my admiration.

 

[anonymouswolf]

Might as well wait a while before attempting anything to make sure that you're making the right choice. No reason to rush anything

 

[Retched]

Ive called the home treatment team and the psychologist i was referred to is going to contact me i guess. Ive never let anyone try help me because i saw it as a weakness and i didnt deserve to be well but how can i be sure if ive not explored recovery. So we will see what happens, if i get sent back to the psych unit then i have to go with it. Im actually shaking right now, really scared I need that peace of mind that i at least tried.

I'm amazed at the support y'all get. Here in America we are sent home after a few days with a plan we are supposed to carry out ourselves, and by the way, here's a gigantic hospital bill (if your not insured) and good luck! And you have a 'home treatment team' ??? I say use the hell out of those resources!