Venting Feeling pleasure has become difficult

[ithappens]

I've just lost all hope for anything. I don't even really know how to say what I wanted to say here. Nothing's enjoyable anymore. The only time I feel content is when I am with my husband, but he works 6 days a week and is only really around when he's exhausted after work or on his one day off. He's a caring and loving man who does his best to understand and help me but I don't want to wear him out (which is what I'm afraid I'm doing). I try to behave as if I am not suffering or in need when he is home because I want him to be able to relax and feel good and not always have to worry about me. But that just leads to the same vicious cycle I've had for most of my life where I notice my being depressed and suffering is wearing out the ones I love, so I pretend I am okay and that things are going great, until a day comes where I can't even get out of bed or do anything and then suddenly it's "What happened?? You were doing so well!" as if some sort of tragedy must have occurred. The reality is I wasn't doing well all along but I don't want to upset the few people I care about and become a burden or have to watch them leave when they realize I can't be "cured".

The reality is, with the exception of when I am working on the comic me and my friend are making and posting online (it's a perfect distraction because I can mindlessly work while listening to random podcasts/youtube videos) I'm just so burnt out. I don't find much of anything enjoyable anymore or even worth doing. I've been lagging on keeping up with the chores and housework because I cannot find the motivation and become exhausted after a measly 2-3 tasks. I used to enjoy watching tv, playing video games, reading, etc. but these days I find myself thinking what's the point? I feel so alienated from the characters on tv or in books or games. I find that I don't identify with them and ultimately don't care much about how the story wraps up or where the main characters find themselves. Whenever I watch something that seems even a little too optimistic I find myself unable to continue watching/reading/playing because it seems so cheesy and fake, things like "the power of friendship" seem like some sort of deluded falseness. But when the media is portrayed with any level of accuracy to the way life is it's just depressing. Other hobbies also just feel like a waste of time, a mere distraction from the overwhelming burdens of life to be done in whatever little spare time can be scrounged up.

I can't even bring myself to feel anything when I see articles in the news that "should" make you feel something. I'm just so burnt out. I feel like a computer that's been fried. Anyone else here currently at that point in life, or that has been? And for anyone that's escaped this how did you manage?

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate, this life just doesn't interest me and I see everything as exhausting and pointless. I see it as everything we do is just passing time until we die. I feel so disconnected to this life and other people. I have kind of always been like that. It is exhausting trying to convince others you are fine, there is only so long someone can do that until they break. I hope you find relief as it is unpleasant.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yeah, depression and suicidal thoughts just love to make us enjoy NOTHING!!!!!!!!

I was almost 3 years like that when I had become a NEET.

Somehow, I started doing small things such as taking a shower and cleaning my apartment everyday and I began to feel better and was able to find new hobbies such as learning japanese.

Now, I'm still suicidal. I will always be like this but, I'm somehow managing to live for now.

Hope you can do it too.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[sm20]

I was at that point in my life for about 4 years and started getting better since a year ago. I never realized how much an addiction of mine was fucking up my dopamine sensitivity and as soon as I stopped the addiction things got a lot better. Unfortunately I've relapsed 7 times this past month and I can feel my mood going down.

I feel bad for you because you can't enjoy sad/realistic media, those things tend to make me happy because I'm just happy to be watching a good movie or whatever form of media.