feeling numb for 10 years.

[obey_xi]

I can't remember the last time I was actually happy, or felt happiness. days, weeks, months, and now years, are starting to blur. I'm having trouble recalling simple memories. honestly im scared that I will never feel genuine happiness or anything real again. and what's life without emotions.

I used to cry a lot when I was alone. just thinking of certain things would make me cry uncontrolled. but now it's like even that is starting to fade. I've always had two different methods I debate on when I finally get the courage to ctb. but now that things are getting worse internally and in my mind all I want is too just leave this life behind. and I find myself thinking about just getting on with it.

what's the point of dragging out this meaningless life. all I do is work and I don't have any friends because most of them have stabbed me in the back when It was convenient for them. I've done so much for the people who I love and became close with over the last 5/10 years and they have hurt me the most. then they always try to apologize after they realized how wrong they were, but the trust has been broken and I can't let myself fall into a situation like that. so now I just keep to myself.

I just feel so incredibly lost and I just want it to end. planning for after the holidays.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wishing to be free from all the suffering, I find it so dreadful how many humans are so unnecessarily cruel. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've been feeling emotionally numb for years.
I'm depressed and suffering from Anhedonia, are you suffering from Anhedonia too ?
I can't feel pleasure in anything anymore, or anything close to happiness.
I'm sorry people have treated you so badly, and understand how you feel about trusting them again.
Sometimes it's best to isolate from people if things become toxic.

 

[obey_xi]

It's really understandable just wishing to be free from all the suffering, I find it so dreadful how many humans are so unnecessarily cruel. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

thank you so much.

I've been feeling emotionally numb for years.
I'm depressed and suffering from Anhedonia, are you suffering from Anhedonia too ?
I can't feel pleasure in anything anymore, or anything close to happiness.
I'm sorry people have treated you so badly, and understand how you feel about trusting them again.
Sometimes it's best to isolate from people if things become toxic.

the only diagnosis i have is ADHD from when i was very young. and i was medicated with multiple different stimulants. and it was terrible so i've always been scared to follow through with therapist or psychiatrist because i'm worried about the medicine.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I can't remember the last time I was actually happy, or felt happiness. days, weeks, months, and now years, are starting to blur. I'm having trouble recalling simple memories. honestly im scared that I will never feel genuine happiness or anything real again. and what's life without emotions.

I used to cry a lot when I was alone. just thinking of certain things would make me cry uncontrolled. but now it's like even that is starting to fade. I've always had two different methods I debate on when I finally get the courage to ctb. but now that things are getting worse internally and in my mind all I want is too just leave this life behind. and I find myself thinking about just getting on with it.

I feel this word for word even the title I too have for about 10 years just felt no happiness whatsoever nothing to be happy or even excited about and the years just becomes a blur as you said I have thought about that I think about it every day like really think "where did the last 9 years go" I have experienced NOTHING of significance not even a pleasant memory I lived more in a week in my teens than I have "lived" in the last 9 years as an adult and that is not an exaggeration it´s the truth back then as a teenager I had friends, and so many things were fun and exciting to do even just getting home and see an episode of a TV show or play a video game I loved, I still play games but I feel nothing.

I also used to cry uncontrollably and I even miss that now I miss feeling something and a good cry could feel so relieving afterward. I don´t know why but I still try to better myself recently but I doubt I would make it a lot longer I too at least want to experience the holidays with my parents but then again I even doubt that I doubt my doubts (sounds confusing I know) but I always thought I would die young, I thought I would kill myself in my teens I for certain without a doubt absolutely knew I would kill myself before I turned 20 and then I knew I would kill myself before the age of (insert number) and I never have done it and actually never even attempted so if the past is any indicator I am very afraid that I will never ctb and will suffer for many more years watching myself grow older and older while still wishing to be a child I can´t of no worse hell than that kind of a Peter Pan doomed to watch himself grow old while yearning for Neverland.

Of course I also always tell myself the only reason I don´t ctb is because I don´t want to ruin my parents lives and although that is true I also know that I am a coward I am just too afraid to do it or even try I am such a coward and I hate myself for it! EVERYONE on this site is braver than me because either you succeed in ctb or at least have attempted in some way I am just a pathetic failure in anything in life, I also never planned to live this long so I made no plan for life because you can´t plan for tomorrow if it never comes.

 

[phersper]

I've been feeling emotionally numb for years.
I'm depressed and suffering from Anhedonia, are you suffering from Anhedonia too ?
I can't feel pleasure in anything anymore, or anything close to happiness.
I'm sorry people have treated you so badly, and understand how you feel about trusting them again.
Sometimes it's best to isolate from people if things become toxic.

Is your anhedonia "only" related to mental pleasure? Or for exemple you don't get pleasure/endorphins after a sport session? Do you feel substances/drugs like alcohol, coffee, nicotine, etc? Is your libido/orgasms and sexual functions intact?
I have severe anhedonia and many many other symptoms which started while taking an ssri (plus probably some stress). I became completely disfunctional, it's called pssd.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Is your anhedonia "only" related to mental pleasure? Or for exemple you don't get pleasure/endorphins after a sport session? Do you feel substances/drugs like alcohol, coffee, nicotine, etc? Is your libido/orgasms and sexual functions intact?
I have severe anhedonia and many many other symptoms which started while taking an ssri (plus probably some stress). I became completely disfunctional, it's called pssd.

I don't get pleasure from endorphins, or feel mental pleasure anymore.
I had no idea it is called pssd.
I'm going to Google it now.
Thanks for sharing this.

 

[phersper]

I don't get pleasure from endorphins, or feel mental pleasure anymore.
I had no idea it is called pssd.
I'm going to Google it now.
Thanks for sharing this.

Check reddit

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Check reddit

Thanks, I'll go see.