Feeling miserable

[clementinemure]

Honestly, I'm tired of putting so much energy in trying to make things better. It has not once worked or been worth it. It just drains the little energy I have. I'm engaged but it feels like I'm alone. It feels like I'm living with a roommate. He doesn't pay attention to me anymore, he spends all of his time on his computer. He plays games, talk to his friends and watch stuff… He apparently "quit" porn but I feel like that's just one of the many lies he told me. When we sleep together, he barely gets hard anymore and when he does he either doesn't cum or cum in 30 seconds. It doesn't feel like he's interested in me anymore. He doesn't realize when I try to make myself pretty for him or when I dress up. I'm not that ugly, but dating him has made me feel the ugliest I've ever felt. I have zero confidence left. How am I supposed to compete with those porn girls? I used to do everything he asked me to do, even if I was uncomfortable with it. It was never enough, I would send pictures all the time and it still wasn't enough. I feel awful about myself. I don't know how to deal with it, I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I've tried everything I could but nothing works. I feel so fucking miserable

 

[rih]

It sounds like a relationship that has fizzled to me; Sometimes it happens. If neither of you are providing what you are looking for why continue? Of course i'm not gunna advocate separation or similar but communicating to him how it makes you feel would probably benefit you both; if nothing else atleast provide some catharsis.

It could be he's also struggling to perform, anxiety usually gives those weird uh 'situations' you described at it being to fast/not happening. It could be a bunch of things.

The take away is I feel relationships should be secondary to your own mental health. You shouldn't need one to be happy/continue. I feel like I see people existing but not living being in dead-end relationships that don't provide anything they're looking for just because it's safe and they have someone. When in reality it's just safeguarding themselves against true progression of self.

I do hope you feel better about yourself soon and resolve things.

 

[clementinemure]

It sounds like a relationship that has fizzled to me; Sometimes it happens. If neither of you are providing what you are looking for why continue? Of course i'm not gunna advocate separation or similar but communicating to him how it makes you feel would probably benefit you both; if nothing else atleast provide some catharsis.

It could be he's also struggling to perform, anxiety usually gives those weird uh 'situations' you described at it being to fast/not happening. It could be a bunch of things.

The take away is I feel relationships should be secondary to your own mental health. You shouldn't need one to be happy/continue. I feel like I see people existing but not living being in dead-end relationships that don't provide anything they're looking for just because it's safe and they have someone. When in reality it's just safeguarding themselves against true progression of self.

I do hope you feel better about yourself soon and resolve things.

I don't want to leave him, I really want to work on this relationship and make it stronger. We got engaged last year. I know he doesn't want to leave me either… he just doesn't much efforts into us. He said he was going to put more efforts a week ago, I'm started to see a tiny bit of changes… but I'm not sure if it will last. Each time I talk to him about my feelings and how he makes me feel, he just starts crying so much. I know he was depressed before meeting me, but I feel like he still is even with me there. I try to help him the best I can but he keeps to himself a lot.

 

[rih]

I don't want to leave him, I really want to work on this relationship and make it stronger. We got engaged last year. I know he doesn't want to leave me either… he just doesn't much efforts into us. He said he was going to put more efforts a week ago, I'm started to see a tiny bit of changes… but I'm not sure if it will last. Each time I talk to him about my feelings and how he makes me feel, he just starts crying so much. I know he was depressed before meeting me, but I feel like he still is even with me there. I try to help him the best I can but he keeps to himself a lot.

Dealing with depression and a relationship is very tough, condolences to you both. Congratulations too on the engagement on a happier note!

Part of relationships is dealing with the good and the bad; he could be suffering too. I;m glad you both are communicating and seeing improvement even just partially.

Depression and energy/effort don't mesh very well so he could be in a harsh place. It's nice he's open enough to show emotion with you. Maybe try get him to seek some help or betterment for himself? Just small things like eating healthy can go a long way, or cleaning a messy area or going for a walk/doing some random menial thing together could help, he probably sees games and such a means of escaping his own head which in turn is also causing him to ignore you somewhat.

You definitely shouldn't look at it that his depression is from you or caused by you. I feel it's very much a consolidated thing. You being there for him i'm sure means a lot. If it's gotten to a point of stagnation maybe try get him to talk to a professional?

Personally i've done a bit drastic measures when I get 'bad' I usually break off/ghost relationships when i'm not in a good place so i'm by no means good advice ha.

But yeah I hope you both resolve, stay healthy and work through it.