I am feeling sorry for you. That sounds pretty horrible what you are going through. I admire your love for animals and I hope at least your cat can give you the feeling of companionship.
I am very glad you had some success with your job interviews you can be proud of yourself. I had myriads before one accepted me. I don't know your friends so I cannot judge. I talk with my friends about positive and negative stuff. Probably more about negative stuff but we don't have problems because of it. In exchange I play some games with them which are not super exciting for me. But I know they enjoy it a lot. Though people in this forum told stories about their friends which quite shocking.
Have you ever been in therapy? I tried like 20-30 different medication. Had 3 psychotherapies. And several clinic stays. I am not even that old. One could imagine that after these facts.
Finding the right medication and therapist can take time, energy and needs patience. Sometimes it is trial and error. But it can be worth it. My life quality is not the greatest but way better than in the past. My medication really helps me. The third psychotherapy was the best one so far. The chemistry with the professional has to fit. One of the biggest struggle was to find a compassionate psychiatrist. Most of them sounded pretty cold/numb. My current is by far the best.
You once wrote I think a certain antidepressant has helped you. Maybe with changing some parts of your life you can become more happy. Life can be a negative spiral. But it can also be the opposite. The first steps are sometimes the hardest. Maybe you can set new goals and try every day to achieve some of them. Even if they are small steps they can be a new beginning of something positive for you. And don't be too hard on yourself if you are not able to achieve something at a certain day.
I hope this was motivational for you. I hope it helps you.
By the way I always wonder in which country you live. If I had to guess I would say UK. If this is too personal you don't have to answer that. I don't know why exactly I think about it anyway.
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words, it definitely helped. And no doubt I don't know what would become of me without my cat. She's everything to me.
I know the world is going through a big inflation and crisis and I should be grateful that I found a new job in a relatively short time, specially because I quit the other one due to circumstances. I hope that maybe after a while I'll start to feel excited. At least it has helped me to occupy my time and mind.
I feel like I've unintentionally pushed many friends away this year without realising why. Maybe it's stressful for them that I'm always in a bad mood/spirit, I really don't know.
Wow. You've been through a lot and I'm glad that, after all that, you've finally found a psychologist with whom you can identify and who helps you. In your opinion, does it make a difference?
Throughout my life I've been to a few psychiatrists and psychologists but I've never really been accompanied. I went about 2 or 3 times and then I stopped going. I never really identified well with a psychologist but recently I met one that I found different and honestly the only appointment with her helped me a lot but for financial reasons I had to stop. When I get paid by the end of this month I might try and see if she still wants to see me. Otherwise I'll look for another online. I prefer it to in person. Also, I suspect that there is something wrong with me other than depression and I should see that.
Yes, I'm back to sertraline and benzos and they're definitely help me again. I'm lucky to be doing well with this medication. Well, I got a new haircut (had the same cut for over 13 years) and it made me feel good. I'm going to keep it. Having to go to work forces me to leave the house every day when before I didn't even get out of bed, but it has also shown me what I had before that I no longer have and it makes me sad.
But yes, you are right. Now the best thing I do is focus on my work after getting my life completely turned upside down. Sometimes I think what I did to deserve certain things. I did my best, I was super good to that person and he did what he did to me. That's why I hate people. I always felt like I was different from most people. I get super bad if I hurt someone and I don't stop wanting things overnight like most. Sometimes I wish I could be the same as most and be a cold person.
Ahaha, no problem. I'm from Europe, Portugal. Why UK?
I think you should write the letter when you feel safe enough to do so. Write it all and then some. It's the words left unsaid that make the situation hurt more, and it's impossible to think it can hurt more than it does. If you're feeling numb that might be a more comfortable position to be in for a moment to rest. The letter will open up things but the outpouring is probably needed eventually.
It's necessary to go through that phase where you're lost and sad. People around us always try to rush closure in breakups because they will never understand what it meant. I think you should allow that sadness and give it space to be known and experienced.
I'm having the worst year of my life as well and my love life was set on fire in the process. If you ever need a stranger to vent to I'm open. I know the pain. Congratulations on your new job. I know it's probably bittersweet but that's a really good thing to come by and I hope you find rest and closure in your own time.
I agree. Maybe I'll do it on a weekend when I feel ready. I feel like it'll help me get through this.
I saw this on a website:
- First write down all the things you forgive that person for;
- Second, write down anything you want to make amends for;
- Third, write down anything that you wished you could've said or currently want to say.
And then tear up the letter.
Yeah, I understand your point of view and I don't want to rush anything really. I'm going to focus only on myself now and not open up to anyone anytime soon. I need some big time alone. I just wanted to feel less sad.
Thank you so much for your words :) I really appreciated that. I'll probably accept your help and pm you someday
sorry for your breakup
