feeling lost and exhausted

[tsukinaga]

my first post after having this account for months because i've been too nervous and feeling like i'll just intrude and take up space… but i'm just so tired and have no where to go.

a lot of my lack of friends and connections is my fault because i'm not one to ever put myself out there, and i dont have a lot to offer. but it kind of sucks having to grow into an adult and realizing that i don't have a lot of people, if anyone in my corner. i miss being someone's best friend. of course, there's people in my life and i'm grateful, but anytime i open my mouth i just feel like my skin is crawling because i just. feel like i'm always being pitied. my family is disappointed in me because i was meant to do great things and have a career where i would help people and make a good living but here i am in a bullshit job with no way to climb up. my partner tries hard to be patient with me but we've been fighting more and more recently and i've told him that he deserves better and he won't listen to me even though he's so obviously not happy… i know that's the cowardly way to say it too but i really do mean it but when i bring it up the convo just gets dropped or the subject gets changed… i don't really understand it

i just think it would be better if i were gone, for myself… for the people around me it just wouldn't matter… anytime i think of the future all i can feel is dread instead of joy or wonder. everything just feels so bleak and hopeless and i'm exhausted. i don't feel happy at all anymore and don't see a point in continuing a cycle i'm not benefitting from

not sure what method i'm going to use yet. trying to weigh pros and cons (accessible to me, the chances of someone finding me, overall effectiveness, yadda yadda) but i just want it to be over… might pop on this site more often while i try to figure things out

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

You're always welcome to reach out

 

[Weltall]

my first post after having this account for months because i've been too nervous and feeling like i'll just intrude and take up space… but i'm just so tired and have no where to go.

a lot of my lack of friends and connections is my fault because i'm not one to ever put myself out there, and i dont have a lot to offer. but it kind of sucks having to grow into an adult and realizing that i don't have a lot of people, if anyone in my corner. i miss being someone's best friend. of course, there's people in my life and i'm grateful, but anytime i open my mouth i just feel like my skin is crawling because i just. feel like i'm always being pitied. my family is disappointed in me because i was meant to do great things and have a career where i would help people and make a good living but here i am in a bullshit job with no way to climb up. my partner tries hard to be patient with me but we've been fighting more and more recently and i've told him that he deserves better and he won't listen to me even though he's so obviously not happy… i know that's the cowardly way to say it too but i really do mean it but when i bring it up the convo just gets dropped or the subject gets changed… i don't really understand it

i just think it would be better if i were gone, for myself… for the people around me it just wouldn't matter… anytime i think of the future all i can feel is dread instead of joy or wonder. everything just feels so bleak and hopeless and i'm exhausted. i don't feel happy at all anymore and don't see a point in continuing a cycle i'm not benefitting from

not sure what method i'm going to use yet. trying to weigh pros and cons (accessible to me, the chances of someone finding me, overall effectiveness, yadda yadda) but i just want it to be over… might pop on this site more often while i try to figure things out

He's probably trying the best he can personally to help you through this.
If he really wanted to, he could have left at the first signs of your symptoms.
So take this as an indication that he's there for you, and does love you.

There are ways to change your future, but you need to put in effort.
Try to rationalize what you want to achieve, and start walking towards it—step-by-step.
There are so many communities online if you're needing friends.
What are your hobbies? Then find Discords with those people.

Were here if you need support.

 

[tinyghost]

im so sorry youre going through this. if you want a friend, im not sure ill be around for long but im a huge enstars fan and would love to chat about that or whatever else. i hope things get better for you and you find peace whatever path that is

 

[acclimate]

i don't have any proper advice, i'm sorry. just saying that seeing the leo icon while scrolling was like the most positive jumpscare