Lmd
Elementalist
- Jul 12, 2020
- 812
I've been alone my whole life. Bad familiar relationships, no friends, suffered bullying... A few years ago I decided to stop playing the victim role and start to do things for myself so I can change that. My relationship with my family improved a bit and now I have friends to hang out. I tend to overshare my emotions and worries but I didn't worry about that because I though noone will take me seriously until when I tried to CBT in July. Some of them go away for their own sanity and others are now worried for me. As someone who can't keep things for her own I talked about my breakdown the other day on twitter and after talking with a friend about it he told me "well, that proves that somehow you are still fighting and asking for help" and that pissed me off because I truly don't know how I'm gonna recover for how I feel or if I even want help.
Now I spend my days being cold with whoever aproachs me and keeping distances so I can leave in peace but is so heartbreaking looking how I'm losing everything I worked on. How all my efforts to understand people and the world are now useless. How I have to keep my feelings for myself and fake a smile so they don't call an ambulance. How things are worse than ever because having people caring for me is not enough.
Now I spend my nights alone, crying, looking this forum when what I truly wish is to watch something in company or playing something with someone without faking anything. This totally sucks because I don't know what to do or how to act with people anymore.
Now I spend my days being cold with whoever aproachs me and keeping distances so I can leave in peace but is so heartbreaking looking how I'm losing everything I worked on. How all my efforts to understand people and the world are now useless. How I have to keep my feelings for myself and fake a smile so they don't call an ambulance. How things are worse than ever because having people caring for me is not enough.
Now I spend my nights alone, crying, looking this forum when what I truly wish is to watch something in company or playing something with someone without faking anything. This totally sucks because I don't know what to do or how to act with people anymore.
